


The Bastards That Rocked

by niikolatesla



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - 1966 Pirate Radio, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bad Fight, Budding Love, Drowning, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Frottage, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Past Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Tension, Sexual orientation denial, Slow Burn, handjobs, physical fighting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-05-18 17:46:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5937267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niikolatesla/pseuds/niikolatesla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A whole summer. A whole summer, on a boat, with his insane godfather and his even more crazy friends. When Rick thinks his life couldn't get any worse, he gets a new roommate, and all goes to hell.<br/>But one summer changes his life more than he could even begin to imagine</p><p>---<br/>Heavily inspired by the movie "The Boat That Rocked". If you've seen it, you'll find lots of similarities, but if you haven't, no worries; here's some background:<br/>Pirate radio is basically illegal radio transmission. In the 1960s, broadcasting rock and roll was illegal, as ruled by the parliament, but a loophole was found, which was broadcasting in the open ocean. Which is exactly what these guys (in this case, the TYO crew) do.</p><p>I've been working on this since October, but very off and on. I just picked it up again last month and decided to have a go. I hope you all enjoy it!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out at Sea

Rick's summer was going horribly and it had just barely started- not even a week into the break and here he was, standing on a cold, dark dock on an even colder and darker night. Well, technically, it was the morning, but the sun wasn't even close to coming up, so it was still nighttime in his mind. Either way, he should be sleeping in his warm pajamas, in his warm bed, in his warm house, but no. No, instead, he was freezing his arse off on a desolate pier with nothing to keep him entertained but his thoughts as icy as the wind.

God, his parents could be such fascists sometimes. He was seventeen bloody years old and only a month away from eighteen! So maybe he decided to try a couple of pints at an end-of-the-year party. So what if he tried a little marijuana too. It was 1966! Everybody was trying everything! His mum should've been thankful he wasn't doing something else, like crack, or vodka, or _sex_.

He sighed. seventeen, nearly eighteen, no idea what he was going to do next with his life, and still a virgin. With school behind him, he could kiss goodbye his chances of getting with any of the girls in his year. Kissing- he hadn’t even kissed anybody, ever. He kicked a roll of rope angrily. He certainly wasn’t going to get any of his teenage fantasies out this summer. He was expected to spend the entire season with his stupid godfather and his even stupider friends on a stupid boat in the middle of stupid bloody nowhere. Great. He wasn't even sure what they did on that boat. Fishing? Mapping? Crusading the seven seas in search of gold, booze, and women? Definitely not partying, that's exactly why he was here in the first place. He gripped onto his suitcase handle tighter. He shouldn't have gone home right after the party. Of course his parents would be awake, waiting for him. Of course they'd smell the marijuana and beer on his breath and clothes. Of course they'd make the most bourgeois punishment they could. He scowled under the layers of scarves he was hidden beneath.

Before he could brood much longer, a medium-sized but dilapidated motorboat started to roar its way to him. It tooted happily as Rick noted the juxtaposition of the entire scene. That’d be good to write a poem about later. He began to construct it.

 _Totalitarian rule_   
_Over which, I gruel_   
_A summer on a boat_   
_And that, you can quote_   
_What sort of capitalist regime_ _  
_ Awaits me?

He’d have to work on that last rhyme. It was lazy, but for the most part, that was almost perfect- elegiac and remorseful for the days long gone of contently nothing summers. Plus, a little anarchist spin against the man never hurt. The boat pulled up to the dock unceremoniously.

“Hey, Ricky!” Shouted a voice from the steering wheel. Rick cringed at his newfound nickname. A bald, jovial looking man popped out from an unknown port. He wore a rather ill-fitting suit with a thin tie- nothing a seafaring man would normally be clothed in. He put his hands on his hips. “Aw, I ‘aven’t seen ya since you were a babe!”

“Hi Jerzei.” Rick muttered, almost inaudible underneath his scarves. He handed Jerzei his suitcase, then scooted himself off the dock and onto the boat. He landed with a thump, and groaned, but was quickly picked up by his godfather into a bone-crushing hug. Honestly, what did his mother see in this man? Why was he chosen to be his godfather? Why did he even need a godfather? More questions and detest raced around his head as the air was squeezed out of him. As if this awful morning couldn’t get any worse, now he was getting suffocated by an insane, cockney man he never remembered meeting at any point in his life. Maybe he’d die. Anything would be better than spending a summer on a _boat_ , with this man. He could only imagine how his friends must be.

Jerzei prattled most of the ride about god knows what. Rick nodded at times, but he kept to himself, stewing in his own self-pity and pique. Eventually, Jerzei turned the conversation to Rick, but it was the topic he did not want to casually banter about.

“So, you got in a bit a trouble, didya?” Rick sighed and nodded. “Well, bein’ out on the open ocean, away from the world, it does things to a man.” Jerzei turned solemn, which made Rick look up at him in a slight concern. “Good thing you’re still a boy, aye!” He broke into a monstrous roar of a laugh, causing the other to slouch back into the co-captain’s chair he sat in. “So young n’ fresh! Betcha don’t even ‘ave a hair on ya chest yet!” Jerzei laughed even louder. How could anybody have this much energy at the crack of dawn? Rick fumed.

“I’ll have you know I have plenty of hair on my chest! It’s a jungle there, trust me!” He snapped back. Jerzei gave him a look.

“The breakin’ in your voice tells me ya bollocks ‘aven’t even dropped yet.” Rick immediately turned a deep red.

“I’m not talking about this with you!” He crossed his arms and tried to slouch even further into the seat while Jerzei continued to roar, apparently in hysterics. He swatted his arm in an attempt to get him out of his sulk.

“Aw, Ricky, just ‘avin’ a bit a fun with my godson, eh?”

“ _Don’t touch me._ ” Rick hissed. Jerzei backed off.

“The lads’ll ‘ave a hell of a time with you.” Both remained silent for a while.

“Uh, Jerzei? How many lads are there, exactly?”

“Well, you and me, then three more, plus a bird.”

“A bird?!”

“Yeah. Then m’nephew’s comin’ aboard for a little-”

“Wait, wait, Jerzei,” Rick was suddenly much more interested. “You can’t just say you have a bird and leave it at that.”

“Ain’t ya a cocky lil’ bastard!” Jerzei laughed, but the eager look Rick was giving him made him purse his lips. “Don’t getcha hopes up, mate. The only reason she’s allowed on is ‘cause she’s, well, for the birds.” Rick gave him a quizzical glance.

“You mean she’s a lesbian?” Jerzei nodded and hummed affirmative. Rick collapsed back into the chair. “This is a blimmin’ nightmare. Get to spend my whole break fishing with a bunch of weirdos and a lesbian.” He mumbled. Jerzei lifted an eyebrow.

“Fishin’? I’m not denyin’ the fact we _are_ a bunch of weirdos and a lesbian, but fishin’? Who told you we were fishin’?” Rick shrugged.

“What else do you do on a boat?” Jerzei cracked a smile, then trained his eyes back on the horizon.

“You’re about to find out.” He kept it at that before maniacally ringing a bell and tooting his horn. Rick peered over the control panel to take a look at where, exactly, he’d be spending his summer.

The bright red of the great, steel behemoth almost blended perfectly with the color of the rising sun and the sky against it. It definitely looked like a fishing boat, a rather industrial one at that, but for as much as Rick could see, he wasn’t able to point out any sort of piscary equipment on it whatsoever. Maybe decommissioned? Mastheads towered high into the heavens, but no sails hung from them. Instead, a few flags fluttered atop them. The first one was the Union Jack, but a large, painted-on, black “X” went across it. Next to it, a Soviet Union flag, then finally, at the other end of the boat, a black Henry Every swayed. Rick turned over to Jerzei, who gave him a rather satisfied look out of the corner of his eye, but only for a fraction of a second before turning back to the window.

“Why the hammer and sickle?” Rick had a multitude of other questions, but that was the only one he could manage to utter out.

“Y’Godfather may be a bit of a communist.”

“What?!” Jerzei laughed again- seemed like that was all he could do at times.

“I’m jus’ pullin’ ya chain! It helps me get into character.”

“...What?” Rick was still just as confused, if not more so. He decided not to ask any more inquiries, at least until he got onto the ship.

The dinghy motorboat pulled up next to the side of the ship next to a metal-beam ladder. Rick grabbed his suitcase with one hand and the first rung in the other.

“...Ya want some help there?” Jerzei said, noticing the obvious struggle Rick was having between the ladder and his suitcase.

“I got it!” He assured before beginning his vertical trek. The sea was relatively calm, but he could still feel the water and salt whip around him as he climbed. Somehow, he made it to the top, dropping his suitcase off first, then clambering over the side of the boat, exhausted from the workout. A large, rather wet and squishy gloved hand was suddenly sprung into his vision. He took it and it pulled him up roughly to his feet.

“Ain’tcha a handsome lil’ thing!” Said the owner of the hand. He used it to give Rick’s a hard shake before it fell off with a curt plop. A few chunks of what looked like raw meat tumbled out of the glove as Rick backed up against the boat and started screaming. The man simply sighed before removing a roll of duct tape from a clip on his belt, then used his teeth to start to take off a strip. During this time, Jerzei also climbed aboard and rolled his eyes at the scene before him. Rick had stopped screaming, but he was still in a state of petrified terror. Jerzei calmly picked up the glove.

“Again?” He asked almost monotonous. “We really ‘ave to getcha a real hand.”

“Yeh, I know.” The man responded, almost as if he was being scolded by a parent. He turned over to Rick. “Sorry ‘bout that, laddy. Sometimes I get thinkin’ it’s real!” He started to tape on the glove to a stump wrist while Rick continued to look on in horror. “Didn’tcha mother teach you manners? Don’t stare!” Rick looked out to the ocean, feeling awkward, mortified and blatantly uncomfortable. After the hand was fully attached once more, the man sighed happily, then turned back to Rick. “So, the famous godson! Rick, right?”

“Y-Yes.” He stuttered out. He reached to shake the man’s hand, but quickly drew away, remembering that he already tried. He put the hand in his hair, ruffling it artlessly. “A-And you?”

“Well, my name is-” In that instant, the boat’s horn blared loudly. The man didn’t seem to notice it whatsoever, but Rick had to cover his ears. "-but my friends call me SPG."

"SPG?"

"Stands for Special Patrol Group. Don't exactly know why I'm called that. I’m fuckin’ Scottish! But I s’pose that's just how the ketchup falls on the cornflakes, aye?" He laughed hard and slapped Rick on the back with his meat glove. He really wanted to ask, about the glove and the weird euphemism, but it was too early in the morning for that much courage. He turned over to Jerzei, who promptly handed his suitcase to him.

"Ya gotta meet the rest of the gang!" He said with joviality. Rick forced out a weak smile as Jerzei made his way over to a hatched door, leading down to the hold. "Well c'mon then!" he said, opening the door and nearly skipping down the stairs. Rick sighed heavily and followed suit. This was certainly going to be an interesting summer.

When they got down to the cabin below, Rick found a woman by a bar-like area, fixing herself a drink. Rick was about to comment about how it was a tad early for alcohol, but decided against it. Nobody seemed to have a concept of early and late on the boat- at least not his godfather. Jerzei led him over.

“Rick, this is Mary.” He said, holding out his hand as if he was showing off a prize on a gameshow. Mary stuck out her hand and Rick took it.

“Nice to meet you, Rick.” She said with a smile. He was surprised by her American accent. He hadn't ever officially met an American before- he’d seen them on the telly, but being face-to-face with one was rather different. She looked sweet, though, her hair in a ruffled mess, and she looked a bit older, maybe middle-aged, but an ever-present, kind, almost motherly aura about her. For the first time all morning, Rick smiled.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Mary.”

“Have you eaten anything?” She asked as she puttered about the bar. Rick was taken aback.

“W-Well, no, but Jerzei,” He began, turning to his godfather. “Isn't it a little sexist to have the only woman on board do the cooking?” He said, adding a smug grin. Sticking up for women, now _that_ was progressive! Mary would be so impressed!

“...Sweetheart, I don't cook.” She said. “Neil does the cooking and the cleaning. He's doing his show right now, but he should finish up at six.” Rick awkwardly checked his watch, embarrassed that he made such a chauvinist assumption. He really needed to pull himself together!

“I-It's nearly six, then.”

“Good! We gotta get some breakfast in you before you start training!” Mary said cheerily, seeming to forget Rick’s fumble. He was more than thankful about that.

“So, erm, what do you do here, then?” Rick asked, trying to be polite and make conversation.

“Ship maintenance. I man all the technicalities. Say we sprung a leak, or one of the cylinders isn’t firing like it should, something like that, they get me.” She said. “I know, a woman in mechanics! Kinda crazy!” She said sarcastically. Rick shrunk back a bit.

“She’s just pokin’ fun, kiddo.” Jerzei butted in. At that moment, a putrid smell started to fill the air. Rick held his nose, but Mary and Jerzei simply sighed. “Here comes Neil.” With that, the source of the smell walked into the room. An obvious hippy, complete with giant flares, barefeet, Lennon-style, pink-tinted sunglasses, long, greasy hair and a brown vest came close to the bar. He brushed his hair off of his shoulders and stretched, raising his arms, causing a series of very loud cracks to run through his body. Rick grimaced.

“Hey, guys.” Neil said. “What’d you think of my show?”

“Wasn’t listening.” Jerzei and Mary said in unison. Neil’s monumental sulk grew even further. Rick was wondering why the space-age regge and Grateful Dead was being pumped through the ship’s speakers, but he supposed he had an answer now. How they hadn’t been listening, Rick didn’t know, but he did know that he had never seen someone so unhappy- he didn’t necessarily like hippies, but Neil just looked pathetic. He hoped, on some level, that he was doing okay.

“Neil, this is Ricky, my godson. He’s gonna be working tech with my nephew! When he gets here.” Jerzei trailed off at the end and gestured over to Rick.

“Oh. Hi, Rick.” Neil said, holding out his hand. Rick smiled at him- for one, actually calling him Rick, and two, well, he didn’t really have another reason. He just seemed sad, and maybe a friendly face would cheer him up.

“Hi, Neil. Nice to meet you.” He said, taking his hand. It was cold, clammy, and he shook it with a limp grasp, but maybe, just maybe, the tiniest hint of an infinitesimal smile made it’s way to the very edges of Neil’s lips.

“Neil, he needs to eat. Make him somethin’ yeah?” Jerzei said. The small trace that was Neil’s smile was gone. “And take a shower. Or anythin’. Just bathe. Please.” Neil frowned even further.

“Jerzei-” Jerzei made an irritated sound in the back of his throat. Neil sighed. “Comrade Balowski, you know I’m on a soul cleanse. It’s unhealthy to wash yourself everyday. When your body is bathed in your own self-”

“Please stop. Just- just make Rick some food.” Mary butted in. Neil sighed again and walked out of the room, presumably to the kitchen. Jerzei started laughing.

“Comrade Balowski! Can you believe it?! I told him to call me that n’ he never saw that it was a fuckin’ joke!” He slapped his knee, hard, before turning back to the bar and giving a full grin to Mary. “Will you be a dear ‘n get me somethin’ stiff? When Neil’s track’s over I’ll be on.”

“Stiff? Try sucking your own dick.” Mary responded. Jerzei laughed again before turning back to Rick.

“I love ‘er! What a bullshitter!” He said, slapping the counter. Rick was starting to wonder if he ever laughed without smacking something. In that moment, Mary slid him a brandy glass full of a mystery of brown liquid with a few ice cubes. He held it in his hand as he spoke. “We’ve got a rotation goin’. We each work six hour shifts, but kinda break it up through the day, ‘cos what looney works six hours straight on radio? Well. Besides Neil. He goes from midnight to six in the morning. I work from six to eight, SPG’s eight to ten, Mike’s ten to twelve, I’m twelve to three, you get the picture. We rotate until midnight, and that’s when it’s lights out, ‘cept Neil. He just sleeps most of the day. N’ cooks. But that’s ‘bout it from him.” He took a large swig of his drink, then immediately started sputtering and coughing violently, turning back to Mary. “Fuckin’ Christ, Mary! The fuck’s in this?!”

“My ass.”

“Ah, fuck you.”

“Fuck you too!” Jerzei laughed again, turning to Rick.

“Such a bullshitter!” Behind his back, Mary flipped him off, then turned to Rick, a rather sweet, motherly smile on her face.

“Don’t mind that. I’m just pissing around with Jerzei, but if you ever need anything, dear, I’m the ship father, so you can come to me.”

“I thought I was the ship father!” Jerzei retorted.

“You’re the ship bastard. Neil’s the mother, and I’m the dad.”

“So you’re married to the hippy?”

“You fucking wish.” Jerzei smiled fondly at Mary before finishing the rest of the glass and clapping Rick on the shoulder. “Alrigh’, I gotta get goin’ to the show. Your room’s gotcher name on the door. If ya need anythin’, y’know, Mary or Neil. Dining hall’s down the hall to the left, toilet’s on the right. I’ll see ya in a few!” He said before throwing his glass against the wall, sending it smattering into shards before dashing off towards the radio. Mary sighed.

“Neil’ll get it.” She said, shrugging her shoulders and getting out from behind the counter. “Again dear, if you need anything, you’ll know where to find me.” She said sweetly before heading off in the opposite direction from Jerzei, presumably to her room. Rick hadn’t been able to get a word in edgewise, so he stood, deflated, in the middle of the bar before heading over to the dining hall.

It was relatively small, but it didn’t make it look any less empty. From the back, Rick could hear Neil fumbling over pots and pans, cookery clinking together and the occasional, “Aw, heavy!”. He took a seat at the end of the table, setting down the suitcase he’d been carrying all this time and taking a breather. This certainly was a lot to take in so early in the morning, and so early into summer as well. If he had known he was going to be thrown into this chaos just from smoking some weed and having a few pints of beer, he would’ve never done it. That’s probably why his mum and dad sent him here in the first place- to feel regret. He sighed. This was definitely going to be a long summer. In the middle of his self-pitying, Neil came out of the kitchen to bring in a steaming bowl of- something. Maybe oatmeal. He could go for anything at this point. Neil put the bowl in front of him and took a seat near him, but far enough away to not be able to get a full whiff of his odor. Whatever it was, it certainly didn’t look like oatmeal. Something a bit more, exotic? There was even a bit of garnish on top.

“Neil? What is this?” Rick asked inquisitively. He poked at it with his fork curiously. As he inspected further, he realized they might be the faintest bit familiar. Maybe his mum made them once? Once when he was small- he couldn’t remember. Neil opened his mouth to answer, but in that same moment, the swinging doors to the dining hall slammed open. In between them was a rather short man, but just his presence alone gave off a sense that he was not to be messed with. His garb was interesting, to say the least. He had on a practically Napoleonic coat on, complete with tassels on the shoulders and crossing straps, grommets connecting them to the jacket. He had on what seemed to be a regular pair of light, cream-colored slacks, but riding boots that went up to his knees. Why he would need riding boots in the middle of the ocean, Rick would never know. He took off his sunglasses dramatically as he walked into the hall, his coattails flowing elegantly behind him.

“Lentils, just the same as every morning, afternoon and night.” He said. His voice sounded authoritative, as if no one should dare to cross onto his bad side. But with how cool he seemed, Rick wasn’t even sure if this bloke was capable of having a bad side. He walked over to the table. “Neil, be a pal and get me a bowl too, would you?” Neil sighed, having just sat down, but got up and went back to the kitchen. Mike sat down opposite of where Neil was, pulling up a chair and sitting in it opposite, pressing his chest against the back of the chair and crossing his arms over it. “You’re Jerzei’s godson?”

“Yeah. I’m Rick.” He said. He was getting rather tired of introducing himself to people.

“You a communist too?” Rick was taken aback.

“What? No. I mean, I’ve got a bit of an anarchist’s streak.” He thought for a moment. This, person, was obviously cool. Probably suave. Probably a ladies man! Rick had to make a good impression! “The ladies love it!” He said much too loudly. Oh, god, what even was that? Mike gave him a look one would give to someone running naked through the streets of London.

“Uh, huh. I’m sure they do.” He responded, unsure of what to make of the kid. “Well, I’m Mike. Mike the Cool Person, womanizer, lover, sexiest man on this godforsaken boat.” Neil came back out of the kitchen with two more bowls of lentils, one for him, one for Mike. He sat down and started to eat. Mike scooted the bowl closer to him and began to eat. Even the way he was eating was cool! Rick seriously needed to get some tips from Mike- maybe he could use some tricks he would learn back at home on the girls. If Mike really was who he said he was, maybe this summer wouldn’t be so bad after all!

“You’re up rather early, Mike.” Neil said, in between spooning lentils into his mouth.

“I’m always up this early.” Mike responded. “I usually spend my mornings getting into the zone, y’feel? I put on my lamps, put on some tunes, just, Mike it out, yeah? Easier said than done, but not every dead horse belongs in the glue factory.” Mike said nonchalantly. Rick was really confused on the euphemism and how it fit into the context of the conversation, but Neil simply nodded somberly along. “But this morning, I was interrupted by the commotion on deck.” He glanced over to Rick, giving him an accusatory glare. “So here I am. Awake. And eating lentils.” He turned back to his food and kept on chewing. Rick felt the guilt settle uncomfortably in him, but before he could get out an apology, or something, Mike was done. He got up from the table, wiping his mouth with his sleeve and sighing. “Thank you Neil.” He said curtly before walking out of the dining hall without saying anything else.

“That’s Mike, by the way.” Neil said a little after he left. Rick stared down at his lentils.

“I don’t really think I’m hungry anymore.” Neil frowned.

“Oh. Okay, Rick. You’ve had a heavy morning. I’ll just go have a bad time in the kitchen, I guess.” Neil took Rick’s bowl and made his way back to the kitchen. Rick didn’t know what to do, exactly, so he grabbed his suitcase and started to make his way to the bedrooms.

He eventually found it, a piece of paper reading “Ricky!!!” on it. He took the paper off and opened the door before throwing his suitcase inside and shutting it quickly. He took the room in- horribly small, but good enough. He imagined he probably wouldn’t be spending too much time in it. There were bunkbeds pressed up against the right wall, Rick threw his suitcase onto the top bunk before climbing up from the ladder. He opened his suitcase, pulling out the fitted sheet, the pillowcase and duvet his mother packed for him and began to make the bed. Once finished, he pulled out a couple of dirty mags he took from home, and an issue of Cosmopolitan, and put them in between the bed frame and the mattress. He got off the bed, then got the rest of his clothes into the dresser on the other side of the room. Finally, he finished, then climbed back onto the top bunk, lying down, exhausted and already wanting the day to be over.

Maybe not interesting. Just a plain, long, boring summer.


	2. College Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a week aboard the Scumbag, Rick has found his way into some sort of routine, a little normalcy on the chaotic excuse for a ship. It all goes to hell when Jerzei's nephew hops on deck. He doesn't know what this means for the rest of the summer- that is, if all the fighting they might do doesn't kill him before the end of it.

_June 17, 1966_ _  
_ _Mary showed me how to do very basic maintenance on the ship. I know how to fix a belt, mop, and slam on the wall of the engine room. Mary does that whenever it’s making a weird noise, and then, when she hits it, the wall shakes, but the noise stops. I know how to do that too. I haven’t learned how to do much radio-tech stuff. Oh! That’s something I should mention. Yeah, it’s pirate radio. Jerzei runs a pirate radio station! That’s actually rather anarchic- I didn’t think he could be cool like that. It’s boring sometimes, and I feel like I should be hating this, but truthfully, it can be groovy sometimes (oh god, I’ve been spending too much time around Neil). All I know how to do right now is troubleshooting microphones and hooking up the stereo. Jerzei says when his nephew comes he’ll show me more._

_Ugh, there’s another thing! Jerzei can’t stop talking about his bloody nephew!!!! He probably kisses the ground he walks on. I don’t even know his name, but I know practically everything about him, at this point. “Oh, my nephew’s just the sweetest lad, you’ll love ‘im!” “He’s takin’ a year before his postgraduate schoolin’ to come aboard! He’ll teach you everything!” “He’s so smart!” “So passionate!” “A good kid!” Bloody nephew this, bloody nephew that! It makes me so!! I don’t know. I’m sick of it. When he does show up (which is tomorrow, gag me), he’s probably gonna be just as normal and boring as everyone else. Can't wait._

_-Rick, xoxoxo_ _  
_

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t the first time this week that Rick had to wake up at the crack of dawn, but he still hated doing it. Especially since Jerzei insisted everyone get on deck to meet up with the nephew. The only one who wasn’t there was Mike, but Rick soon learned nobody bothered him. Why, he didn’t know, but he didn’t necessarily want to find out either. Rick shivered in his coat. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to how stupidly cold it was out at sea. He continued to stew in his thoughts until he saw Jerzei’s dingy little motorboat cross underneath the edge of the boat, but he could already hear the boisterous laughter. Great, two Jerzeis to deal with now. He waited for the mysterious nephew to cross over the side of the ship.

After a few minutes of waiting, a stranger suddenly vaulted over the side of the ship, his feet colliding with the deck as he stood up in all his glory. He clapped his hands together.

“I missed this piece of shit!” He said, much more cheerful than Rick was when he first came onboard. The boy looked plain enough- he had on a burgundy, aran sweater, unravelling along the sleeves and collar, obviously well-worn, underneath a leather jacket. A black shirt could be seen under the holes of his sweater. He wore tan-colored trousers, flowing over the edge of his black boots. His large knapsack, slung behind his back and his spectacles, slightly weathered, gave him a rugged, seafaring look. He had just gotten on the boat, but it looked like he had been on the ocean for months. The only thing that looked slightly “off” about him was the shock of orange hair atop his head, sea salt already beginning to make tousled waves in it. Caught somewhere between a beatnik and a fisherman, he really was handsome. Rick swallowed. He wasn’t sure if he should be afraid of him or not- he radiated confidence, as if he was born to be out here. If he was a girl, and only if he was a girl, Rick imagined he may have been the tiniest bit attracted to him. But he wasn’t attracted to him. He definitely, was not, attracted to him. No sir. Jerzei climbed over the side of the ship, giving the nephew a clap on the back and a firm shake.

“Boys, Mary, Vyvyan’s back!” Mary, SPG and Jerzei cheered while Neil wore his usual frown and Rick stood utterly confused. Vyvyan? Maybe he was a girl. Vyvyan turned to SPG.

“You!” Vyvyan yelled.

“You!” SPG responded.

“Come here, you absolute rodent!” Vyvyan yelled again, and SPG practically sprinted over before enveloping Vyvyan in a hug. Vyvyan hugged him back, slapping him on the back a few times. SPG retracted after a bit, a huge smile on his face.

“You smell like a student’s armpit!”

“Big bloody surprise, stupid! I’ve got two of ‘em!” He said, pulling away and giving SPG’s hand, the real one, a firm shake. “How’ve you been, you twit?”

“Fuckin’ amazin’ now that our favorite bastard is with us, aye!” They both laughed loudly, giving each other slaps on the back.

“God! I missed you!” Vyvyan said, looking at SPG fondly. SPG gave him a look of fear before Vyvyan laughed again. “Missed shoving your hands in toasters!” SPG broke out in another gale of laughter, joined by Vyvyan.

“Was that how you lost your hand?!” Rick asked, not being able to stop himself from opening his mouth. The look Vyvyan and SPG gave him made him want to melt into the floor and die.

“Cheeky.” SPG snuffed. Vyvyan let go of his hand and walked over to Rick, slowly, near menacing. Rick practically shook as he turned profusely red. Despite the chill of the wind, he felt way too hot under his clothes. Vyvyan got chest to chest with him, glaring down at Rick, and suddenly, his jeans felt a little tight for his liking. Oh, god, why was he getting an erection from this?! Rick really hated being a teenage boy sometimes. He must’ve accidentally thought about Elizabeth Taylor- that was the only explanation. Nevertheless, this was the absolute worst time to be getting hard! Fuck anatomy! He got even more red as Vyvyan continued to stare, and he prayed to whatever was beyond life that Vyvyan didn’t feel it. Then, as if it was nothing, Vyvyan broke into a huge grin and took a small step away from Rick.

“So, this is the fabulous faceache, then?” He teased, turning over to SPG. Jerzei snorted in the background as Vyvyan shook Rick’s hand in the same manner he had shaken SPG’s. “Aw, he’s not that bad. Bit of a pretty boy, aye?” SPG and Jerzei laughed even louder. Rick got even redder.

“I…! My name is _Rick!”_ He sputtered back.

“Nice speech impediment, Wick.” Vyvyan jested. Before Rick could make a proper retort, Vyvyan turned to Jerzei. “He’s not on air, is he?”

“Nah.” Jerzei replied casually, as if his own godson wasn’t being bullied in front of his eyes. “‘E is workin’ tech with you, so play nice.” He teased. Vyvyan laughed.

“Please! He likes me already, dontcha Rick?” He gave his hand a final squeeze before letting go. Rick immediately started reading into what Vyvyan said far too deep, going to the worst case scenario. “You’re in my room, aren’t you?”

“Wh-... Your room?” Rick was genuinely confused.

“We’ve only got so many beds on ‘ere, Rick. You two are sharin’!” Jerzei said with that stupidly oblivious smile he seemed to always wear. Rick’s heart dropped to his gut.

“I’m on top!” Vyvyan shouted before racing off towards the bunker.

“Wait! All my stuff’s there! Vyvyan!” Rick called out before speeding after him, hot on his heels.

“Alright, yeah, just ignore the hippy. That’s totally cool.” Neil muttered under his breath. SPG smacked the back of his head with the meat glove.

 

* * *

 

Rick stormed into his former single bedroom to find Vyvyan stripping off his bedclothes and throwing them to the ground.

“What gives _you_ the right?!” Rick shouted. Vyvyan stopped momentarily to shrug before throwing his duvet off the top bunk. Rick fumed. “Stop that!”

“I’m not taking orders from a girlie!” Vyvyan said as he tossed off a pillow.

“That’s pretty ironic, considering you’re the one with a girl’s name!” Rick crossed his arms and snorted, satisfied with his own stab at him before Vyvyan threw another pillow off his bed, hitting Rick directly in the face.

“Hang on! What’s this?” Vyvyan said in a sickeningly jutting tone that made Rick go pale. He lifted up the issue of Cosmopolitan he thought he had hidden perfectly. “Aha! Who’s the girl now?!”

“Vyvyan! That’s my personal property!” If it was possible, Rick turned an even brighter shade of red.

“Ew, the pages’re all sticky! Pervy!” Rick never wanted to die more than right then, absolutely mortified. The magazine was thrown at him, smacking heavily against his chest before falling to the floor.

“Oh, how mature!” Rick said furiously. “How old are you, even?! And why do you even want to be here and make my life a personal hell?!” Vyvyan swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Twenty one. I was able to skip a grade, got my general education out of the way, and now I’m takin’ a gap year before med school. That’s why I’m here.” He said nonchalantly. “Grab my sack?”

“Excuse me?!”

“My _knapsack_ , poofy.” Vyvyan pointed to the floor, where his luggage was. “And you call me mature!” He said, imitating Rick. “How old would you be, then?”

“I-, twenty-one. Twenty-one years old.” Vyvyan gave him an inquisitive stare.

“You don’t look older than fifteen. You’ve still got spots, pretty boy.”

“I’m not fifteen!” Rick then sighed. “I’m seventeen, alright?” He said, more hushed, handing Vyvyan his knapsack. “And stop calling me that!” Vyvyan rolled his eyes.

“Why do you even want to be here and make my life a personal hell?” Vyvyan said, imitating Rick again.

“Pardon me! I’m being a very generous host, letting you take the top bunk, making polite conversation…” Rick trailed off as Vyvyan raised his eyebrows. Rick sighed, then sat back onto the bottom mattress. “And I don’t exactly want to be here, either.” He said, putting his chin in his hand and feeling dreadfully sorry for himself. Vyvyan’s feet hanging over the top bunk disappeared, his head soon replacing it.

“Well that explains why you’ve got such a large stick up your bum, doesn't it?” He laughed and Rick hit him with a pillow. In that moment, Vyvyan started grinning maniacally, then flipped over the side of the bed, and promptly smacked Rick upside the head. Rick gripped the side of his face.

“What the ruddy heck was that for?!” He spat.

“Fight me!”

“I… What?! No! I-I’m a pacifist.”

“C’mon, Rick! Fight me!” Rick flushed when Vyvyan said his name- he wasn’t quite sure why, but the bubbling emotions in his chest that he just couldn’t distinguish made him lunge at Vyvyan, giving him a strong punch in the gut. His knuckles cracked and he hissed in pain as Vyvyan coughed and held his stomach, but the grin on his face hadn’t faltered for a moment.

“Nice.” He coughed before pulling Rick off the bottom bunk by his collar and preceding to slap him. The younger of the two did fight back. He punched and kicked and screeched at his attacker. Of course, Vyvyan punched and kicked and slapped back, but something about beating the shit out of each other was alarmingly cathartic. Eventually, Vyvyan found himself splayed on the ground with Rick over him, straddling him, and holding him down by his wrists. Both were breathing hard and were red in the face from exhaustion, staring into each other’s eyes. The predicament they were in hadn’t set in yet.

“I… Sorry, I think I gave you a crack in your glasses.” Rick breathed. It wasn’t obvious- small, thin, along the rim, but being so close to Vyvyan’s face, he could see it clearly. Vyvyan shrugged as much as he could.

“Nah. I’ve had it.” He responded. He was surprised at how genuinely knackered he was. The kid interested him, too. No one was ever so readily willing to fight with him, not even SPG. He was ridiculously effeminate, as well. He wasn’t expecting such a rough beating from such a small, girly-looking boy. He wondered how long he’d be staying onboard. Rick suddenly threw himself off of Vyvyan, appalled that he basically just fought a complete stranger. He pressed himself against the opposite wall as Vyvyan picked himself up from the floor, resting on his elbows. “That was fantastic!”

“That was lunatic!” Rick retorted quickly. “Do you just go around, beating people up for a good time?!”

“No. There’s sex too.” Vyvyan said casually. Rick blushed at the very mention of it. “But that’s reserved for people I fancy.” He stood up, brushing off his sweater, then cleaning off his glasses with his sleeve. Maybe Rick was reading too much into it again, but it had to mean something that he didn’t say _girls_ that he fancied, right? Wait, why would he even care? Oh god, he cared because, maybe, maybe Vyvyan was gay! Why was that exciting? Rick liked girls! He should find it disgusting, that he may be sharing a room with a homosexual! So why wasn’t it as alarming as it should be? Rick really, really needed to get a grip on himself. He watched as Vyvyan put his glasses back on. “Well, the room is a mess, and it’s mainly your sheets, so I’ll leave you to it.” He said, exiting out of the door as if the past few minutes didn’t happen. “And no wanking to Cosmo in my bedroom!” He shut the door with a slam, leaving Rick irritated, confused, and uncontrollably flushed, still trying to formulate an opinion about his new roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet Vyvyan! unfortunately, punks didnt exactly exist in 1966, so i had to adjust his look some. still same ol vyv, though  
> these boys are gonna be the death of me, just yall wait.
> 
> anyway, here's the second chapter! thanks to all of you for commenting, kudo'ing, and reading!! kisses and hugs to each and every one of you <3


	3. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's first night with his new roommate (and with sleeping on the bottom bunk) (if they even get any sleep)

The rest of the day went normally. Well, as normally as it could get on the Scumbag. Vyvyan tinkered a lot with the sound system for the majority of their time, and with strict instructions from Jerzei, Rick had to literally take notes and basically stay attached at the hip with Vyvyan. He took copious ones in his notebook, as good as he could get- Vyvyan was a bloody awful teacher. He never said anything, except for the occasional “Don’t do this”, as he proceeded to do the thing he told Rick not to do. It was a long, hard day, but at midnight, just as Neil’s show began, they were finally allowed to retire to bed, only to get up at six and do it all again the next morning. Rick was awfully tired, and genuinely tried to get some shut eye. He was successful for a while, until Vyvyan’s whispering woke him up.

“Fight me!” Rick heard from the top bunk. 

“What are you saying? Vyvyan, no. Go to bed.” Vyvyan jumped off the top bunk, landing as softly as he could (which wasn’t very). His heavy boots probably didn't help either. He really did want to ask why he was wearing his boots to bed, but decided against it- Vyvyan would smack him for asking, anyway. He bent down to Rick’s level, grabbing his glasses from the bedside table and putting them on.

“C’mon, Rick, fight me!” He said with that stupid grin he never seemed to get off his face. Rick huddled himself deeper into the covers, trying to give Vyvyan a malign glare, but mainly hiding the red on his cheeks.

“We have to be up in just a few hours!” He said, slightly muffled against the duvet.

“It’ll be a quickie.” Vyvyan said before throwing the covers off of Rick and pulling him out of bed. Immediately, Rick jumped on Vyvyan, but the fight wasn’t as strong. He tried to throw a few punches and kicks, but Vyvyan was stronger. Eventually, Rick settled for trying to knock him over by going boneless against him. Surprisingly, that worked. Vyvyan tried to get him off, his hands warm against Rick’s chilled skin. But Rick won- he landed on top of Vyvyan, grabbing his wrists to hold him down, getting in the same predicament they were in just hours earlier. However, it was something striking to Rick- there wasn’t any fear in Vyvyan’s eyes. There was something there, but definitely not fear. He found himself staring deep into them. Blue as the ocean he was born to be on, but his dilated pupils were the most catching. He could feel Vyvyan’s thumping pulse through the wrists he gripped. Even in the darkness, he could see the red painting his cheeks, and he could feel the near palpable tension between them. He couldn’t stop what happened next.

Rick kissed Vyvyan. At first, he felt him tense underneath him, and he almost pulled away, almost, but they soon relaxed into each other. His lips tasted like sea salt and something sweeter. For the chapped look of them, they were surprisingly soft. Rick felt like he could kiss him forever. They did break off, however, gazing deep into each other’s eyes. A wave of mortification suddenly washed over Rick as he pulled away from Vyvyan and backed into the shut door. He put his knees to his chest and ruffled his hair.

“I-I… I’m so sorry, I don’t, I-” Vyvyan picked himself off the ground and moved to Rick. He stared at him with an intensity that made Rick’s heart pound in his chest. Vyvyan placed his hands on Rick’s knees, then forced his legs open. The younger gasped and blushed deeply as Vyvyan made his way in between his legs and kissed him. His hands cupped his face, and Rick couldn’t stop himself from whimpering into Vyvyan’s mouth. Vyvyan shifted slightly so he was now sucking on Rick’s bottom lip. He gave him a sharp nip, but immediately began to cool the burning area with his tongue.

Vyvyan broke off and gazed at Rick. The flush across his face, his kiss-bitten lips and his already blown eyes made him irresistible. Not breaking eye contact, Vyvyan began to unbutton Rick’s top and tug it off of him. Rick took of Vyvyan’s glasses and set them on the floor beside him. He wanted to take off his shirt as well, but the little confidence he had was faltering. Vyvyan seemed to notice. He took Rick’s hands and guided them to the hem of his shirt, then lifted his arms up as Rick stripped him, showing off his toned arms, jutting collarbones, slightly defined chest and his heart beating so fast Rick could see it pump through his skin. Rick gazed at him, hungry, but Vyvyan acted first. He got Rick’s shirt off and threw it to the side before bringing his lips back to him. He started to move down his neck, kissing a little harder and biting at his skin. When a particularly rough grain of stubble scratched him, Rick gasped and wrapped his legs around Vyvyan’s waist. He could feel him smile against his neck before he began to suck at the crook of his neck roughly, holding Rick’s head in his hand, cupping his face, stroking his cheek with the pad of his thumb. Rick moaned, clutching at Vyvyan’s back and holding him close. When he finished up his bruise, Vyvyan placed a kiss on it for posterity, then repositioned himself. He was still between Rick’s legs, but he put his hands on either thigh, trailing them down teasingly slow. He leaned in for what looked like another kiss, but he stopped just before their lips could lock.

“What do you want me to do to you?” His voice was so rough with lust, and just the way he was staring at him made Rick’s knees go weak.

“I-I don’t know. Ah, I’ve n-never gotten this far.” Rick flushed deeper as he stumbled over his words. Vyvyan simply grinned before kissing him again, this time aggravatingly soft and much quicker compared to the last few. Rick looked to him, longing for more contact, but Vyvyan was obviously enjoying teasing him.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have some wild, teenage fantasy about your first time.” He said, biting his lip. Even his cockiness was stupidly attractive. One of the hands on Rick’s thigh went a little farther down, teasing along the seam of his boxers. His breath caught as Vyvyan felt around his pants, teasingly soft and never hard enough. However, with the precum already soaking through the fabric, Rick could tell Vyvyan wasn’t going to have to do much if he already got him in this much of a worked up state. He grinned at Rick. “I always wanted someone like you.” Vyvyan said, winding him up. It was obviously working- the deep blush on his cheeks and going down his chest, his clouded, begging eyes, and his little moans. “Someone so pliant, so gorgeous,” Vyvyan’s hand slipped into Rick’s pants, palming at the length, feeling just how incredibly hard and wet he was. “Oh, you want someone like me, too.” Rick writhed and gasped as Vyvyan started to stroke him. It was all too soft, too teasing, and Vyvyan knew, but the way Rick was flicking his hips in his hand like he had never been touched before was all too good to watch. Rick bit his lip and whimpered.

“V-Vyvyan, please.” He uttered out. His eyes were squeezed shut and red burned on his face, but Vyvyan was relentless with his teasing.

“Please what?” He asked. He stared at him, leaning in close. “Look at me, Rick. Tell me what you need.” He said, his voice grating with desire. Vyvyan started to stroke him harder, which made Rick gasp, but he opened his eyes, looking back at Vyvyan.

“P-Please, t-touch me.” He moaned, his breathing becoming more labored. “G-God, Vyvyan, touch me, please.” He begged.

“All you had to do is ask.” Vyvyan responded slyly before placing his lips back on Rick’s and removing his hand from his pants. Immediately, they were on his hips, pulling off the clothing before making his way back to his length. Vyvyan went back to stroking him again, his fingertips ghosting along his cock before wrapping his hand around the base and guiding up. He brushed his thumb over the head and repeated the motion as Rick gasped and bucked his hips into his hand. It was all so intense- Vyvyan knew exactly what he was doing. It was evident by his dogmatic nature, the hard strokes that only got faster with each of Rick’s whimpers; everything about Vyvyan was making his knees go weak and his body tremble with anticipation. Vyvyan didn’t kiss him or touch him, save for his hand. He just watched him with an unwavering gaze, soaking in all of Rick’s reactions as he pumped him. He bucked hard into his hand, fucking himself inside Vyvyan’s fist. He arched his back and threw his head against the door.

“Oh, god, Vyvyan!” Rick breathed, writhing into him.

“Are you gonna come? You gonna come for me, pretty boy?” Vyvyan moaned, stroking him even faster. God, it was so hot when he called him that! He felt his cock throb in Vyvyan’s hand as he breathed hard. Rick was so lost in ecstasy, his chest heaving as he burned red. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the build in his crotch get overwhelming. He practically shouted as he came, thrusting his hips as white coated Vyvyan’s fist, bucking mercilessly against him as he rode out his crest. Vyvyan kept stroking him hard and fast, watching him with an impenetrable stare. He pressed his lips against Rick’s trembling ones, feeling the quake run through his body as he felt Rick pulse beneath him. “There you go, pretty boy.” He whispered against his lips, hot and breathy and good god did Rick want them back on his. “Hold onto me.” He said. Rick didn’t object, wrapping his arms around Vyvyan’s shoulders, still shaking from the force of his orgasm, come leaking as Vyvyan’s strokes started to slow down. He didn’t stop until Rick had finished. He wiped his hand against his own pants before putting it in Rick’s hair, ruffling it and showering him in small kisses.

However, Vyvyan took himself away from him, and put his hand on the back of Rick’s head, starting to ease him down slowly. Rick knew what Vyvyan was trying to do, but he wanted all of it. He couldn’t stop himself. Vyvyan was like a drug he’d never get enough of. Rick knelt down, getting on his knees as Vyvyan stood and started to take off his sweatpants. Rick looked up at him patiently, his cheeks still bright red and his body exhausted, but the last thing he was thinking about was sleep. God help him, he needed Vyvyan more than he needed air. Vyvyan smirked down at him, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his pants. 

“Now, why don’t you be a good boy, and suck.”

Rick opened his eyes slowly. It was still dark outside, but the first bits of daylight were just beginning to shine through the porthole. He sat up in bed, trying to take in his surroundings, and during his transition, he felt a warm, sticky wetness in his crotch. He grimaced at the scene. Of course he had to have a wet dream. Of bloody fucking course. He turned, about to get out of bed, when he was met with Vyvyan’s upside down face in front of his. He gasped, scrambling to the wall as Vyvyan looked at him curiously.

“What were you dreaming about?” He asked, cocking his head to the side. 

“I-I wasn’t dreaming anything!” Rick spat back, trying to cover himself.

“Yes you were. You were talking. It sounded pretty sexy.” Vyvyan teased. “C’mon, we’re both men here! Sex with a hot bird? Maybe a deep, dark, kinky fantasy?” Rick stayed quiet as he flushed deeply. “Aye! Pretty boy! Come now, all the details!”

“Why do you care?! Piss off!” Rick retorted back.

“I care ‘cos you probably ruined the mattress. If you’re gonna get your teenage boy fluids all over my bunk bed, you gotta tell me what caused it!” Rick was completely and utterly humiliated. He got up from the bed, throwing the sheets off and stumbling his way to the dresser to get a new pair of pants on. “Aw, you did! Gross! Tell me, Rick!”

“I don’t remember! Go back to bed!” That was a lie. Rick just really, really didn’t want to think about it. He got into a corner of the room to take off his ruined pants and put on the new ones. He got a towel out of his suitcase (his mum really did think of everything) and laid it over his sheets, trying to soak up the mess, then threw his duvet over that. At least that wasn’t disgustingly ruined. Vyvyan sighed. He obviously wasn’t going to give in. He rolled back up into his bed and pulled the comforter up close to his face.

“Boogey-bum.” He muttered, staring at the wall and closing his eyes. Rick, on the lower level, laid back down in the same position, just on top of his duvet. He’d definitely have to get his sheets cleaned, somehow, in the morning. He hadn’t done any laundry yet on the boat, but he had to find some way to. He closed his eyes and tried to get the dream out of his head.

He was unsuccessful. Why was he even dreaming about Vyvyan? And dreaming about that with Vyvyan?! He had to be kidding himself- he wasn’t gay. Homosexuals were disgusting! He wasn’t disgusting- he was a ladies man, just like Mike! He had to be! He wasn’t attracted to boys, and especially not Vyvyan. Not that absolutely, vile, horrid, immature… Maybe a little cute? That had to mean something if he had a dream that intense about him. Wait, no, no, no no no, Vyvyan was definitely not cute and Rick definitely did not fancy him. Definitely, definitely, indubitably, without a doubt.

Oh, fuck! This was bad. What if he really was attracted to boys? What if he was attracted to Vyvyan? He thought back further through his life, caught in an existential crisis. If he was gay, it would explain a lot. It’d explain why he was so, effeminate, constantly. All throughout school he was called a girl. And maybe John-Michael di Angleco, president of the poetry society, was pretty cute. Oh, _god, John-Michael di Angleco_. But everybody thought he was cute! ...And Daniel Carpenter. Rick would often hide under the bleachers to watch him and the rest of the lacrosse team during practices. But that wasn’t because he was attracted to him, or any of them. He just wanted to join the team! He was learning by osmosis and- fuck, he couldn’t lie to himself. He wanted to watch them because he was a bloody, fucking poof. The same feeling he got from John-Michael, and Daniel, and the whole bloody lacrosse team, he had with Vyvyan. He was a poof and he liked Vyvyan and he wanted to kiss him and hold him and touch him and for him to touch his bits and, and, fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Rick sniffled. Fuck! Of course he had to be crying too. What was happening to him?! He was angry, and upset, and scared and confused and disgusted with himself. Abhorred and utterly repulsed. The more he thought about it, the more he realized, everything made sense. He hadn’t kissed any girls because he didn’t want to. He just never aligned that with wanting to kiss boys instead. He felt more tears fall down his cheeks as he hastily wiped his eyes. Maybe… Maybe he wasn’t gay? Maybe he was just really, sexually frustrated. That, that had to be it. He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be gay. He wasn’t gay, he wasn’t gay, he wasn’t gay! 

Rick didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. Vyvyan listened to him crying.

What could Vyvyan say? For the little time he’d gotten to know him, Rick was definitely intriguing. Something was definitely up, and he wasn’t telling Vyvyan. It was mysterious, and very, very interesting. Immediately after Rick woke up from his dream, Vyvyan wanted to know everything- that seemed normal enough to do. When he was a teenager, he’d often spend lunch breaks with his mates talking about their sexy fantasies. It was just a little act of rebellion, so naturally, to bond with his new roommate, he wanted to know!

Okay, maybe that wasn’t exactly the reason he wanted to know. Vyvyan was tempted to tell Rick how loudly he talks in his sleep. He was tempted to tell him he heard Rick practically begging him to do, what, something. Whatever it was, it was most definitely sexual, if he couldn’t tell already by the breathy utters and a near shout of his name. He wanted to tell him. And then he heard him crying. And the urge to tell him and the guilt of knowing immediately sunk uncomfortably in his gut. His chest tightened, daring not to breathe as he listened to the occasional sniffle of Rick trying to be quiet.

Poor kid. That’s all Vyvyan could really feel for him- pity. Sure, he was cute. He definitely was pretty- he wasn’t handsome, and he wasn’t beautiful, but, pretty. That was the perfect word to describe his looks. He wasn’t typically pretty either- he still had spots on his face, and when he sneered he wasn’t pretty, and when he talked and rambled on, and on and on, he wasn’t pretty. Well, he was pretty, but he could do without the noise. Unconventionally pretty- in the schoolboy sense. He still had an innocence about him- as much as he babbled on about anarchy for the majority of the day, Vyvyan could tell he wasn’t as cynical as he wanted him to think he was. There was almost a purity about him. He obviously hadn’t experienced much of the world. At seventeen, he was probably just beginning to taste it. He pursed his lips. His first real taste of the world, and it was probably just hitting him now. Maybe it wasn’t pity he felt- it was sympathy. Vyvyan knew all too well what Rick was going through.

Vyvyan knew he was, different, from when he was fifteen. Don’t get him wrong, he’d had more than a few shags with women. With his rugged good looks? Please. But it wasn’t only the ladies who were attracted to him. Not that that bothered him in the slightest. He wasn’t raised with the idea that being attracted to different people was wrong or bad- it was just how it came to work out. His mum was awfully bad at being a mum, but that part she did well; the believing in yourself, trusting in yourself, and loving yourself part. She was a bit of a hippy, but he was thankful for that when it came to being the supporting parent she could be, sometimes. Her messages helped him. He was confident in himself from the time he had his first kiss with a girl, then his first kiss with a boy, and all the way until now. He was sure of himself; he didn’t have any reason not to be.

Rick, on the other hand. What a nervous wreck. Sure, it wasn’t ever a fun experience to so abruptly realize one’s sexuality. Vyvyan never had that- it just sort of, happened, and that was okay. Rick seemed like he was raised sheltered, maybe a conservative family. Might explain how bloody mod he looked and acted. But to be hit with such a sudden realization had to be at least a bit frightening. If he even was realizing that.

Vyvyan sighed. He spent the rest of the night turning over in bed. He had to be awake in a few hours, and maybe he could get more sleep if he tried, but the hard-on he had from listening to Rick’s dream was starting to irritate him. And, god, watching him- it was better than any video nasty he’d seen. Simply observing him get off in his sleep, oh god, just the thought was making Vyvyan get a little hotter and a little harder. Fuck! Vyvyan needed to pull himself together- Rick was just figuring all this stuff out, and he probably didn’t need nor want a “helping hand”. He started thinking about something else, closing his eyes, but trying in vain to get more sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~*~*~ and it was all a dream ~*~*~
> 
> whatll happen to these boys!!!!! its a mystery thats for sure. can rick stifle his most definitely not homosexual urges !! will he ever confront his own feelings towards vyvyan !!!! does vyvyan even feel the same???? !!!!! tune in to Scumbag Radio to find out ~ :0
> 
> ahhh seriously guys thanks for all the love and support so far <3 i hope it meets standards!!


	4. Dead in the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost two weeks since Vyvyan vaulted on board the Scumbag, and almost two weeks of Rick desperately trying to hold onto the absolute fact that he's straight, definitely not into Vyvyan whatsoever and does not find him attractive in the slightest.  
> After a huge fight and possibility of killing Scumbag Radio, maybe it is finally time to confess those feelings. Or not.

_June 19, 1966_

_I know I should be really angry about this, but I’m not? I’m just upset with myself, I suppose._

_I remember once, I was littler. Mummy and Daddy and I were out driving at night, and we got lost- we got into a bad part of London. Mummy told me to close my eyes when we were driving through, but I didn't. I was peeking over the window, and by an alley, these two blokes were snogging on the wall. One had on a blonde wig and was wearing a dress, but both of them had prominent facial hair. I hadn't thought about that for a long time, but it's just invading my mind, now. Just the way they held each other- it was tender, and sweet, even. The one wearing the dress was holding his face in one hand and kept his other hand clasped with his. The other man was holding his waist, bringing him closer into him, as if he would never be able to get enough of him._

_And it was_ _disgusting_ _. The most horrid thing I ever had to look at!! I cannot believe Mummy and Daddy exposed me to that at such a young age!!!!!!!!!!! I bet that's why I keep having these bloody dreams about Vyvyan!! They scarred me and this is all entirely their fault. Fascists!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scratch what I said in the beginning! I'm so angry at them!!!!!_

_-Rick (no hugs or kisses today because I'm ruddy well furious!!!!!!)_

_P.S. Vyv started to make SPG a real hand. It’s out of spare wood found around the boat, and it’s crude, and it’s… Damnit, it’s actually very good. I hate how pensive he looks when he works. It makes me think things. Not things I want to think nor should. Bloody bastard._

_June 25, 1966_

_Okay. Maybe if I just get all these feelings off my chest and write them down somewhere... Maybe I have a guilty conscience, or something. For what, I don’t know. But, okay! Alright! Just write them down! They’re not true and they’re just some confusing thoughts and that is all!!_

_Things I’ve Been Thinking About Vyvyan: A list_

_-Yesterday, Mary brought Vyvyan and I down to the boiler room, because she needed help with oiling a thruster, or something, and it was hot down there, and Vyvyan took off his sweater, and good god, I nearly had a heart attack. He threw it at me and told me to hold it, and it honestly took all of my willpower to not bury my face in it and smell it. He smells nice, surprisingly. He has a musk, but it’s… Comforting? I guess that’s just the only word for it. It smells warm, if that makes sense. Anyway, he had on just a normal, black shirt, but it was so immodestly tight. And he was sweating, and it was sticking to him in all the right places, and he just looked so focused and, well, manly, I suppose. He’s unashamedly male. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not for my case._

_-He reads sometimes, too. Before bed, he’ll be on the top bunk, sprawled out in his pajamas (which consist of his sweater and his boxers (no boots. Have to make that clear)) and just reading. He looks so thoughtful, and really invested in his stories, y’know? I could just watch him read for hours. Right now he’s reading this book, “Song of the Loon”? I haven’t heard of it. He told me it sells really well in America, and he could “bloody well see why”. I don’t know what he meant by that. I suppose it must be good._

_-When we fight, which is often, he always goes for my lips. I don't think I’ve had a face that wasn't at least a little busted up since he came on board. Having a split lip constantly has just been routine, now. I feel like I should be more irate than I am about it, but… It… He's aiming for my lips! He's looking at them! That has to mean something!!!_

_-Furthermore, on him just walking around in a pair of boxers and his sweater, I have to say, I have never seen such taut thighs on a man. I mean, I haven’t seen any thighs, really, but Vyvyan! He jumps off his top bunk (no, he doesn’t use the ladder like a normal human being) and might walk around a bit, stretch, something, and, wow! He must’ve done track and field, or some sport in college, because he’s got really, incredible thighs. He’s got some wispy, ginger hairs on his legs, but they’re light. You’d have to really be looking close to notice (not that I was!)._

_-He’s warm, too. If I’m close enough to him, I can feel his body heat sort of come off him. He’s like a radiator! It gets cold at night. Sometimes the duvet isn’t enough, and it’s getting really hard to will myself to not climb up into the top bunk. Just, lay next to him and warm myself up. I think about that a lot. When we fight, he’ll grab me, and just feeling how warm his hands are makes my heart race._

_-He doesn't talk much. Well, he talks, of course, but only when he has something he thinks needs to be said and nothing more. It's admirable, in a way. But that usually just leaves me to do the conversing. I find myself rambling a lot more, but he's engaged. He actually asks questions about what I was talking about, or adds commentary. It's so different. Sometimes he actually seems interested. Nobody's ever interested- I can tell. But he is. At times, we- well, I’ll talk for ages while he fixes something or toys with another thing, and he talks back! And it's all swell until something just seems to snap in him. He realizes what he's doing, and he’ll call me a name and not participate as much. At least, until he does it again. I like to think maybe he's trying to stifle his feelings. There's so much more going on with him then I will probably ever know._

_I could go on and on and on but I think that’s quite enough. Hopefully this’ll help, because my mind seems to think I’m attracted to him! And I’m not! So maybe this can stop those damn dreams._

_-Rick, xoxo_

_June 30, 1966_

_I’ve figured it out! I bloody well figured it out! Best news: I am 100% straight, not a homosexual! I am definitely, definitely heterosexual, just as I thought! All thanks to listening to the hippy’s radio shift! I couldn’t sleep last night, right, cos when I do sleep, all I bloody dream about is him. Last night’s was really, really embarrassing. I certainly will not go into it. But being on a boat with lots of ropes and rigging is really not good, especially when I’m going through, this, whatever it is. Okay! That’s it! That’s all I’m saying about that._

_Anyway! I was listening to Neil’s show, and I figured out two things: 1) Neil is really bad at the radio. He forgets to turn off his microphone sometimes, and you can hear him singing in the background. It’s actually pretty funny. 2) In between sets, he was talking about his dreams, because I guess that’s what hippies do. He said he was dreaming a lot of “heavy stuff” recently, and that got me perked up, cos, y’know, so have I. And you know what he said? He said it was because he was trying to stop smoking marijuana! He said when he smoked, he would dream really good stuff, and then when he didn’t smoke, it was bad dreams. So, obviously, I just have to start smoking pot!! And if Neil’s trying to get off it, he must still have a stash somewhere. I’m straight, and these are just bad dreams!_

_Now, I know Mummy and Daddy sent me over here because I was doing that stuff, but firstly, that was only a little bit and just once! Secondly, surprisingly, SPG made a very good observation. With the reckless partying that does go on here, he pointed out this wasn’t exactly the best place to avoid that. He hypothesizes that maybe, just maybe, Mummy and Daddy sent me here for a different reason, not just cos I was at the party! Well, the point I’m trying to make here is that if SPG is right, then they probably wouldn’t mind if I had a little more pot. Just a bit. Just to help with these damn nightmares, and that’s all!_

_-Rick, xoxoxoxo_

 

* * *

Ever since Vyvyan vaulted onboard the ship, it seemed every moment with him was filled with unbearable tension. Rick got angry more often. Vyvyan and him started having their cathartic fights regularly- in fact, Rick was starting to bring them on more than Vyvyan. He might do something so utterly stupid and irritating that Rick just had to say something, in which Vyvyan would say something back, then Rick would say something, and Vyvyan would respond with a punch, and a fight began. The gang would ignore it as best they could. But when Rick and Vyvyan were together, it was when they were trying to fix something, and there wasn’t ever a time when the radio wasn’t running 24/7. There was an incident during one of Jerzei’s shows that turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

One of the transmitter cables was split, and the wire was horribly mangled. Their broadcasting was coming out shotty to a sixth of their audience, and that was a major issue. Vyvyan was starting to fix up the wire as delicately as he could, unraveling the individual threads as Rick watched. He was nearly done with it- Vyvyan worked fast. He pulled the threads tight, but being in such an awful state, a few started to snap. 

“Fuck!” He whispered. Theoretically, he shouldn’t have to whisper- they had a sound booth to record in, but if he was talking at his regular volume, there was always the chance he could be heard. The walls were thin, so he stuck with whispering. He turned to Rick. “Get me one of the spares. I’ll screw the head on it and try to fix it up.” 

“Why didn’t you just use the spare in the first place?” Rick whispered with a sneer.

“It’s like using a spare on a car, poof. It’ll work, but it’s shit.” God, there was that bloody name again! Vyvyan never called Rick his name, it was always something derogatory, or “pretty boy”. Honestly, the lack of respect! Rick went to fetch the spare cable from Vyvyan’s tool box. He handed it over, and Vyvyan started working to take off the metal head and put it on the working cable, but he inspected it first, adjusting his glasses and whispering another “fuck”. 

“What now?” Rick asked.

“Shush!” Vyvyan hissed. “The fucking head’s bent.” He held up the piece to Rick, showing him the small dent. “Get me the pliers.” 

“What am I, your servant? Get them yourself.”

“Stop being a whiny git! You’re my assistant, so get me the goddamned pliers!” Vyvyan whispered, more loud than he should’ve been. Rick sighed, going back to the toolbox and getting the pliers. He threw them over to Vyvyan, maybe a little harder than was intended. They hit him square in the chest, sending him falling backward, his head knocking against the floor at the impact and his glasses flying off his face. They landed away from him, but even from where Rick was standing, he could see the obvious damage. One of the lens was cracked beyond repair, shattered glass coming out of the rim. The other lens seemed to be okay, but that wasn’t going to stop Vyvyan’s rage. Once he got his breath back, he glared at Rick, then launched himself at him. Both of them toppled to the ground, kicking and punching at each other. 

“Fuck off, Vyvyan! Stop it!” Rick yelled.

“You broke my fucking glasses!” He shouted, grabbing him by the collar. “I need those to see, you bastard!” He spat before starting to wail on him again. Rick grabbed him and rolled him over, then started to punch him back, then Vyvyan rolled him over and did the same. They were so caught up in their fighting, their small release of the tension in the air that they hadn’t even noticed that Jerzei’s broadcasting stopped. A soviet marching anthem was playing, a signal that his show was done and that SPG needed to get his arse in the booth. Rick was on top of Vyvyan, about to throw another punch, when he finally caught eye of Jerzei, standing outside of the door, glaring at the two of them, his arms crossed and steam practically pouring out of his ears. Rick looked over to the wall clock, reading a quarter before eight. Oh, shit, that really wasn’t good. Jerzei cut his broadcast short to deal with this. Vyvyan seemed to notice too. They swallowed nervously. 

“Both of you. Upstairs. Dining hall.” Jerzei spoke quietly. Both of them were petrified in fear, neither daring to take a breath. “Now!” He roared. Immediately, Rick tumbled off of Vyvyan, standing up as Vyvyan did the same. “March!” Jerzei ordered, and Rick and Vyvyan did as they were told.

Five minutes later, Rick and Vyvyan were sat uncomfortably next to each other. Rick’s eye was already starting to swell up from the punch Vyvyan had landed on him, he had tissues stuffed up both nostrils, and, as per usual, his split lip was open once again, red trickling out of the wound. Vyvyan looked a bit better, but not by much. His bottom lip had a nice split down the side of it, nearly matching Rick’s. He must’ve been bleeding inside his mouth too- he had to spit blood into his water glass every once in awhile, and the scratches Rick made across his face were still glaring red, and tiny dots of blood were coming out of the areas where he scratched harder. He wiped his nose with his sweater sleeve, showing off his knuckles, starting to purple and bruise. Rick knew he was trying to play it cool, but really, both of them were shit-scared. Jerzei glared at them from across the table.

“You know why I’m pissed off?” Neither of them said anything for a few moments.

“C-Cos we were fighting.” Rick squeaked after the silence stretched too long for comfort. Jerzei smiled, but it was the most unsettling look Rick had ever seen.

“No.” He said, a small chuckle making his way out of him. God, even when he was pissed off, he was laughing! This was really starting to get to Rick. “Not at all. No. Me, Neil, Mike, Mary, and SPG have been puttin’ up with you two fightin’ for the past few weeks. It’s tiresome, really, if I’m to be honest. But that’s not why you two are in deep shit.” Vyvyan tugged at the collar of his sweater while Rick shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Y’wanna know why?” Neither of them spoke. Jerzei glared. “I said, you wanna know why I’m pissed off?!” He shouted. Rick and Vyvyan immediately nodded. Jerzei sat back and turned to Vyvyan. “Vyv, do you know some of the words you’re not allowed to say on the radio?” Vyvyan stared down at the table. Rick had never seen him look so guilty or uncomfortable. “C’mon, Vyv, I know you know ‘em!”

“Shit.” He uttered.

“Good. Keep goin’.”

“Tits. Piss. Cocksucker. Cunt, a-and-”

“And, fuck!” Jerzei exclaimed. “You missed motherfucker, too.” Jerzei leaned forward, interlacing his fingers and gripping his hands so hard his knuckles turned white. He gave the boys and empty smile that shivered Rick to the bone. “You two, both said fuck! Both of ya! We got two fucks, in a row, on air! How about that?!” 

“But, maybe the listeners didn’t hear it?” Vyvyan tried to rationalize. Jerzei slammed his fist on the table.

“So what if they didn’t fuckin’ hear it?! You still said it! I fuckin’ heard it! The microphone could’ve picked it up! Do you know what kind of jeopardy you two could put us into?! It’s bad enough as it is that we’re illegally broadcastin’ rock and roll, yeah?! And then, we get two fucks, on air! On the fuckin’ air! Fuck!” Jerzei stood before grabbing Vyvyan’s red-tinted glass of water and throwing it across the room, sending it shattering against the wall, glass and water sliding down the wood. Vyvyan stood up along with him before slapping his palms flat on the table.

“Uncle Jerzei! Stop it! I fucking started it, okay?! You don’t need to have Rick deal with this shit too!” Rick stared, gobsmacked up at Vyvyan. Was he really defending him? Was he actually trying to help him? Protect him?! Bloody hell, what was going on?! He even said his actual name. Rick shrunk back in his chair as Jerzei and Vyvyan got into a glare-off. Rick pursed his lips, and for the first time in his life, he needed to be brave. He stood up. He was smaller than both of them, but he needed to get their attention.

“Don’t listen to him!” Rick started. He was shaking, but he needed to keep himself level. He scrunched up his face and glared back at Jerzei. “I threw the wrench!”

“The pliers.” Vyvyan whispered to him.

“The pliers! I threw them first! I started it and I’m sorry! I’m really, really sorry, alright?!” He felt tears well up in his eyes, but he couldn’t cry, he couldn’t cry, not now! He turned to Vyvyan, looking up at him with his big, watery blue eyes as he tried to keep the tears in. “I’m sorry that I threw the pliers at you and broke your glasses and scratched your face and got you in trouble, and, and,” He turned to Jerzei. “I’m sorry I said fuck really loudly and I’m sorry if I killed the radio show and I’m sorry that I fucking ruined the summer!” He felt tears roll down his cheeks as he sat back down, putting his head in his hands and trying to control himself, calm himself down. “I’m sorry.” He uttered, his breath hitching. He should’ve been used to screwing everything up by now, but it never felt any better, having to go through it. It always seemed like he was fucking things up; that was how how he got on the bloody boat in the first place. His shoulders shook as he started crying. God, he really hated that. He could feel Jerzei and Vyvyan's eyes on him, but he couldn't stop himself.

Vyvyan and Jerzei looked back to each other as Rick sobbed in his hands. Both of them sat back down, deflated, unsure of what else to say. Jerzei rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and sighing.

“Rick, go to your room. Vyv, fix the cable. And for god’s sakes, use your words instead of your fists when somethin’s botherin’ you, okay? I need to go make sure we aren’t fuckin’ dead in the water.” Jerzei got up from the table and walked out of the dining hall. Rick really couldn't stop crying. Vyvyan sat next to him awkwardly before patting his back and getting up, going back to the station and leaving Rick alone.

Eventually, he got himself calmed down enough to wipe his eyes and get himself out of his chair. He got the tissues out of his nose before throwing them out and heading to Neil's bedroom. He had something he needed to do before being banished.

After knocking for a straight two minutes, Neil finally opened the door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Wow, Rick, you look pretty heavy.” He mumbled.

“I know.” Rick said back. Both of them said nothing.

“Do you want some herbal tea?”

“Depends on the herb.” Rick tried to give Neil a wink, but it was much harder to do with a black eye.

“Is your eye okay?”

“I’m trying to wink. Y’know. Depends on the herb.” He really hoped Neil was picking up on the cue.

“...I have chamomile? Or green tea. And rosemary, that one’s my favorite.” Rick sighed.

“I’ll take rosemary.” He said, following Neil into his bedroom. Neil shut the door behind him and sat down on the bed, while Rick took the chair by the desk.

“You want mary jane, yeah?” Rick was taken aback.

“W-Well, I- Ah, yes. It’s just- I was listening to your show last night, and-”

“You listened to my show?” Neil, for the first time since Rick got on the boat, smiled. He had big dimples, and Rick gave him a polite smile back. “Wow, man, thanks.” 

“Sure. But, you were talking about how you were trying to quit, a-and, how you were getting bad nightmares, but when you were smoking, you didn’t have that? I’ve just been having some crazy dreams lately. I want them to go away.” Rick picked lint off of his trousers awkwardly. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.” He said a little too quickly. “I-I just don’t want to have these dreams anymore.” He pulled out his wallet. “How much do you want for it?” Neil shrugged and sighed.

“I guess it depends how much you want.” Neil got off the bed, got on his knees and pulled out a shoebox from underneath his bed. He brought the shoebox over to Rick, setting it on the desk. When he opened it, Rick’s eyes widened. It was filled to the brim with balled up buds of marijuana, the pungent smell of it already coming off from the box. Rick swallowed. “Y’know, I’m still trying to quit, so you could take the box if you wanted.”

“T-That won’t be necessary.” Rick said, a nervous laugh coming through. “Um, aha, just a little bag, would be fine.”

“You want papers too?” Neil asked. Rick nodded. He reached into his desk drawer and got out a plastic sandwich bag and a small pair of tongs, beginning to fill the bag. Obviously, he had to be experienced with this. About sixteen buds fit into it. “You want more?”

“No, no, I think that’ll be plenty, thank you.” He felt so awkward. Here he was, buying weed from a hippy. It was supposed to be really anarchic, but it just felt weird. Neill shrugged and put the rolling papers on the side of the bag. “How much for this?”

“Money is merely an illusion, Rick. It has no worth if we give it none. Once we reach higher planes of consciousness, we realize we have no need for material objects with material value.” Rick stared blankly up at Neil, wallet still in hand. “It’s free.” Rick looked like he just got slapped in the face.

“Really? O-Oh. Thank you.” He said, stuttering and putting his wallet back in his pocket. Neil handed the bag to him, and Rick stuffed it in his coat pocket. He walked out of Neil’s bedroom.

“Hey, Rick, if you ever do need to talk about those dreams, like, sometimes that helps. Just talking about it.” Rick shook his head.

“They’re, erm, pretty heavy.” He said, trying to pick up on the hippy’s lingo. “I wouldn’t want to bother you with them. Thanks for offering.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, like, put a towel under the door, though, when you do smoke it. Jerzei doesn’t like the smell.” Rick nodded as Neil shut the door and he began the journey back to his bedroom. 

Rick opened the door, still nursing his black eye. He just wanted to sit on his bed and smoke a bit, and just, not be bothered for the rest of the day. That would really be swell.

But that was not how the stars aligned, as Mike might say.

Rick walked into the bedroom, finding Vyvyan sat on the top bunk, sipping back on a beer and holding a book incredibly close to his face. He moved the book with his eyes, seeming to be reading one word at a time. Rick shut the door, at which Vyvyan took himself away from the novel.

“Can you even read that?” Rick asked. Vyvyan hadn’t even bothered to retrieve the broken spectacles, it seemed. He looked really different without glasses- a little more tough, and more adult, maybe. 

“Not really. I grabbed a beer for you.” He tilted his head over to the dresser, where an unopened beer bottle, condensation dripping down the side, sat. Weed in his pocket, and now beer? This should’ve been exactly what his parents didn’t want him doing! But, with the impending doom of possibly ruining the radio, what the hell? Everything was going to shit anyways. He took the bottle and tried to twist off the cap. “You’ll need a bottle opener for that. You want help?”

“No, I got it.” Rick kept trying in vain to twist off the pop-top bottle. Vyvyan sighed and went down the ladder, then took the bottle out of Rick’s hand. His fingers brushed against his, and he’d think, what with all the fighting they did, he wouldn’t get so bloody flushed from just being touched, but the red on his face betrayed him. It was just, gentle. He sighed. At least the weed would get rid of all these conflicting feelings and dreams. Rick stared back up to Vyvyan as he put the cap in his mouth and popped it off like it was nothing. Rick got redder. Why that was making him blush so furiously, he had no bloody idea, but he really, really needed it to stop. Vyvyan handed Rick the bottle, clinked it against his own, then took a long swig of his. A little of it went down the side of his face, running along his adam’s apple as it bobbed with each swallow. Rick’s heart was pounding fast in his chest. If he wasn’t so worn out from the fight, he might’ve been tempted to have another go. That was how he’d been dealing with all these feelings for the past few weeks anyway. It didn’t help much, but it was something. Now, all he could do was stare helplessly as small dribbles of beer cascaded down his stupidly perfect chin. His legs started to feel hollow and his knees weak. He swallowed, then took a small sip of his own beer. Vyvyan finished his beverage and set it down on top of the dresser, wiping his mouth.

“Thanks.” Vyvyan suddenly said.

“F-For what?”

“Y’know, the dining hall. You defended me. It was, ah, nice. Nice of you to do.” Vyvyan nodded his head awkwardly. Truthfully, when Rick started to cry, Vyvyan wanted nothing more than to just, hold him. He just seemed so innocent. There really wasn’t a better word for it than that. And now, he just looked too bloody cute, with his outrageously flushed cheeks, unsurely holding his bottle of beer as if it was an alien object. He was too bloody, fucking cute, even with a black eye. It wasn’t as puffy as it could have been. Just dark blue, a little purple, a little swollen, but nothing horrible. If anything, it made him look more endearing. God, this really wasn’t good! Ever since he got onboard, Rick was frustratingly infatuating. Even when he was pissing him off, it was cute. They both stood, staring at each other, both wondering if they felt the same thing.

“W-Well, you defended me first, so…” Rick trailed off. God, damnit! There wasn’t any lying to himself anymore. This tension was definitely sexual. They could beat the piss out of each other as much as they wanted, but it wasn’t going to solve anything. His collar felt far too tight, he felt too hot, and the room was uncomfortably stuffy. This whole thing was just really getting out of hand! “S-Sorry about your face.” Vyvyan shrugged.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry about your eye.” Rick put his head down, a small, almost bashful smile on his face. Fuck. Vyvyan wanted to kiss the smile right off his face and get it into a much different, much more pleasured expression. God, now really wasn’t the time to be thinking about that!

“It’s alright. It makes me feel kind of tough.” He said, shyly kicking at the ground. Vyvyan’s urge to just grab that enamoring little bastard and kiss him was really, really overwhelming. Rick looked up at him, and, shit, he really, really needed to know what Vyvyan’s lips felt like against his. For the first time in his life, he let those fantasies out, let himself think about them, and in an instant, all of his wildly dirty dreams came back. He was still standing face to face with Vyvyan, but in his mind, he was already in bed and breathless as Vyvyan kissed him hard. Just the thought was sending a throb through his whole body. He took another sip of beer, trying to let the cold flood of alcohol calm him down. 

“Um, we’re kind of grounded, I guess.” Vyvyan said, breaking the silence. “After I fixed up the cable, Jerzei said he doesn’t want to see us until we, excuse me-” He started talking in a bad, blatant cockney accent. “‘Sort out ya fuckin’ problems, alright?!’” Vyvyan flashed Rick a smile, and Rick giggled. Shit, the fucker giggled! Rick’s hand went into his coat pocket.

“I might have a better idea of something we could do?” He suggested, pulling out a plastic bag full of little, dark green buds. Vyvyan grabbed the bag, holding it close to his face so he could see it more clearly.

“Holy shit! Where’d you get these?!”

“Neil gave them to me. You all really should be nicer to him, y’know. He can be tolerable.” Vyvyan smirked up at Rick.

“Pretty boy’s got a little rebel in him?” Rick flushed even deeper and grabbed the bag back.

“I’m an anarchist, thank you very much!” He said, turning up his nose. Vyvyan broke into a grin, climbing back on his top bunk as Rick got the towel (now cleaned) back out and shoved it under the door. He looked up to Vyvyan, who patted to the side of the bed, next to where he was sitting.

“You brought pot, so I think you can have the privilege of sitting on the top bed with me.” He teased, giving Rick another one of his smiles that made his stomach flip. He tossed the bag up to Vyvyan before taking off his coat and shoes and climbing up, sitting himself right in the place where he patted out. Just being this close to him was starting to make Rick get hot again! He really hoped Neil was right, and that the drugs worked. 

“Do you know how to roll a blunt?” Rick shook his head. “That’s okay. Here, watch.” Vyvyan took one of the papers out, crushed one of the buds, then expertly rolled them together, as if he’d been doing it for years. “College teaches you lots.” He said offhandedly, sealing up the ends and handing it to Rick before doing the exact same thing with another paper and another bud. 

“Do you have a lighter?” Rick asked. Vyvyan put his blunt in between his lips before turning to Rick.

“Oh, yeah. Here.” Rick put his own blunt in between his lips as he watched Vyvyan take out a zippo. He flicked it open as Rick leaned in close to him, gazing up at him and waiting for him to light his smoke, almost reminiscent of the position he was in during one of his dreams he had a few nights ago. His heart raced as Vyvyan looked back down at him, lighting it, then lighting his own. They both leaned back against the wall, taking drags of their blunts. Rick coughed. Vyvyan laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't swear on the radio, kids. Don't do drugs either.  
> more or less of a transition chapter. the next one's gonna be good :D
> 
> thanks for commenting, kudo'ing and reading!!! every bit is appreciated darlings <3


	5. The Stoner's Guide to Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Vyvyan get high, Vyvyan gets a crash course in a minor part of Russian history, and Rick finds out he wasn't the only one bearing the torch.

They were two hours into their drugged out adventure through the bedroom. Between fits of giggling, Rick weakly grabbed Vyvyan and convinced him they had to get off the top bunk, or risk falling and dying. None of that was serious, but they managed to climb down. Now, they laid down on the floor, passing the blunt most recently made back and forth between each other. The first one they had wasn’t too long ago, but it felt like forever, and both of them wanted a little more. Just a bit. So Vyvyan rolled another. At first, Rick didn’t want to put his lips on one Vyvyan had (or at least told him that), but he gave up and gave in. Vyvyan insisted on getting out some of his records, which didn’t need a whole lot of insisting. There was a good mix of rock and roll and some eclectic genres Rick had never even heard of. But, most of all, Rick was very surprised that Vyvyan had so much classical music. He described it interestingly.

“It’s not the, fucking, twinkle bullshit, okay? Palestrina! God, if you ever fucking see me with a Giovanni Palestrina record, just kill me, okay?” Rick started giggling on the floor. “I’m serious, Rick!” Vyvyan started laughing too. “No! No Giovanni Palestrina! Even his bloody name is fucking poofy!” Rick was laughing out loud now, and Vyvyan got dragged back into a giggle fit too. “I need, full music! The kind of music you can bite into, y’know?!” He was getting intensely passionate. “If that music was a steak, you could rip off a piece of it with your teeth, and get blood all over your mouth! Do you know who Dmitri Shostakovich is?” Rick sat up.

“That’s disgusting, Vyvyan! And no, I do not know Damntree Shotsakabitch.” He started giggling again. Vyvyan scoffed.

“You uncultured policeman!” He shouted. Rick put his finger to his lips, trying to shush him, but was unsuccessful. He didn’t even think it was possible to laugh so much. Vyvyan looked for his record, and after what seemed like years of searching, he finally found it. He held it up with a grand wave. “Aha! Classical Compilations, Volume 3!” He put it on the crap record player Jerzei let them keep in the room. “Just. Shh. Listen.” He cranked up the volume as Shostakovich’s Waltz No. 2 blasted through the speakers. Rick hadn’t moved from the floor, but he felt like he was dancing. The music carried him far away and filled his ears. He felt like, like, oh, he knew he remembered her name. He heard it in a history class, somewhere, somewhere. Anastasia! Anastasia, the grand duchess and last daughter of Russia. It sounded like something she would dance to, in the halls of the Winter Palace. Despite being the daughter of absolute fascists, Rick liked her picture. Sometimes he wished he looked like her- graceful, elegant, beautiful.

“Vyvyan. Vyv, do you know Russian history?”

“What am I, a square? No.” He said, starting to sway to the waltz. “After this is the Masquerade Suite! Y’know Khachaturian? Oh, god, he’s great. He’s so fucking good! I want to rule the world listening to him.” Rick laughed louder.

“You are a ruddy square. A dictator, but nevertheless, a square.” Rick took another drag on the blunt. “Get this out of my hands before I die.” He giggled, holding up the stub of the blunt, completely burnt out.

“Pisshead, you smoked the whole thing!” Vyvyan shot Vs at him. “Get up, virgin. I don’t want to dance by myself!” He said. Rick continued to lay triumphantly on the ground.

“That is not how you ask the _grand duchess_ to a dance.” Weed was making Rick very, very confident. He did stand up, however. “Here, I’ll be Anastasia-”

“Girly!”

“Shut up! I’m Anastasia, and you’re the lowly servant boy who’s always wanted to dance with royalty.” Rick got up on the ladder and swung on it as he spoke, moving as daintily as he could. Vyvyan sighed. Both of them were blushing profusely, but neither was thinking about that. All they could truly focus on was the music, the marijuana, and how good they felt right at that moment. Vyvyan decided to play along, but that was just because he wanted to dance to the song. No other reason. He stumbled over to Rick, then bowed courteously.

“Anastasia! I… Who the hell's Anastasia?”

“Grand duchess of Russia! They say she was the, uh, only survivor of the royal family. From the Bolshevik Revolution. Y’know, when they, like, burned the palace down.”

“You’re the square, square.” Vyvyan said, scoffing. He sighed, then bowed again, holding out his hand to Rick. “Oh! Grand duchess of Russia!” Vyvyan continued theatrically, and a little sarcastic. “Anastasia, it's me, the lowly servant boy, and I've always wanted to dance with royalty. Would you not be a total bastard, and give me this waltz?” He looked up at him with glimmering blue eyes. Rick bit his lip and flushed.

“Servant boy, we’re so bourgeois and decadent! I would never dance with someone like you.”

"Don't be a prat!" Vyvyan said, dropping his character. Rick started to giggle again, covering his mouth with his free hand before bringing it back up in the air elegantly.

 _“But,_ luckily, you’re very handsome. You may have, this dance, and this dance only.”

“You think I’m handsome?” Vyvyan asked. He seemed to have completely forgotten about his role.

“Yes, Anastasia, the grand duchess of Russia, thinks you’re handsome. Now are we going to dance or not, servant?” He gave Vyvyan his hand before jumping off the ladder and onto the floor. Vyvyan put his hand on Rick’s waist while Rick put his on Vyvyan’s shoulder. Vyvyan held his head high before moving to the beat. Rick stumbled along.

“Follow my lead, pretty boy.” Vyvyan said. “It goes, oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa.” Vyvyan took steps on each of the counts that Rick desperately tried to follow. The marijuana hadn’t affected Vyvyan nearly as much as it had Rick, but Rick was smaller than him. He definitely seemed like a lightweight. And it was probably making him even want to dance with him in the first place. So, as far as Vyvyan was concerned, Rick could smoke all the pot he wanted, as long as they could continue this. As long as Vyvyan could continue to hold Rick’s delicate, girly hands in his. As long as he could keep his body close to his. As long as he was able to catch glances of those strawberry lips and imagine what they felt like against his. As long as that wouldn’t change. “Straighten your back.” Vyvyan said, and Rick did as he was told. It really wasn’t necessary, but a chance to get his chest a little closer to his was a chance he was willing to take. He held up his arm and spun Rick. He clumsily twirled outward, then Vyvyan twirled him back in. Rick nearly tripped on his own feet, almost falling face first into the bedframe. Vyvyan caught him, keeping him upright with his strong arms. His sweater was so warm and soft it took everything in Rick’s power not to nuzzle into it. “Woah there, steady now.” Vyvyan said softly, getting him upright. He held him by his hips as Rick put his hands back on his shoulders. The waltz wasn’t done, but both of them were far too distracted to continue dancing. They stood, gazing into each other’s eyes. Rick’s were a little red, a little glazed over from the drugs, but shimmering blue, big and wide. Vyvyan’s were also slightly red, but the darkness, the depth in them, the want? Rick wanted to see the want, and maybe he was. They watched each other with baited breath, completely lost in their eyes. Suddenly, with a flourish, the music stopped. The deafness boomed in their ears- they were so caught with hearing and experiencing the music that the end of it was surprising.

“T-Thank you for the dance.” Rick uttered quietly, wetting his lips absentmindedly. He averted his eyes back to the floor, hoping Vyvyan didn't notice how absolutely flushed he was. Vyvyan cleared his throat. 

“May I, erm, leave you with a parting kiss, grand duchess?” His blush burned on his cheeks, and when he asked his question, so did Rick’s, even brighter than before. He swallowed and took a shaking breath.

“Y-You may.” It hadn’t fully registered in his mind that this was going to be Rick’s first kiss. He was far too focused on Vyvyan’s warm hand slowly moving up to his face, cupping his cheek, hot against his palm. Khachaturian started up in the background. The music filled him, and with Vyvyan so incredibly close to his face, everything felt like it was on another plane of existence. This couldn’t be happening, not in reality. It couldn’t. Rick took a sharp, quiet breath in before closing his eyes and feeling Vyvyan’s lips press against his. Violins surged as Rick’s hypersensitivity jumped. His heart pounded hard in his chest, but it was all so good. It was bloody amazing! Vyvyan’s lips were so warm against his, a little dry, a little cracked under his. Rick could feel his scabbing, split lip rub against his own, but he really could care less. Vyvyan had to bend down slightly to kiss him and Rick had to lift his face up to meet Vyvyan’s but he didn’t mind it for a second. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, but he decided to keep them on his shoulders, squeezing them, just for something to ground him, just to tell himself this was real. Vyvyan was _kissing him._ Vyvyan _wanted_ to kiss him! And it was good. Fuck, it was _great._ To hell with John-Michael di Angleco, and Daniel Carpenter, and the whole bloody lacrosse team! _He was kissing Vyvyan!_ Warmth bubbled in his chest and he felt like he could cry. Nothing had ever felt so perfect than Vyvyan’s lips against his, nothing so right. He never wanted to stop kissing him.

Vyvyan pulled away slowly, standing back up and looking down at Rick. Vyvyan could see Rick’s heart beating through his shirt and the deep flush across his cheeks. Even after kissing him, another real world experience that could’ve made Rick frightened, innocence continued to rest in his eyes. Good god, did Vyvyan want to kiss him again. Did Rick want to kiss him again? He bloody well hoped Rick wanted to kiss him again. He brushed Rick’s burning cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“Thank you for the dance.” Vyvyan said, practically a whisper.

“Was that really a parting kiss?” Rick asked, a twinge of disappointment in his intonation.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Vyvyan responded with a quivering breath.

“Please.” Rick pressed his chest back up to Vyvyan’s. “Kiss me again.” Vyvyan couldn’t object to that. Rick’s lips were addictive, and it felt so bloody good kissing him. Then again, the weed heightened everything, but, fuck, he never had a kiss that great, even with their busted lips. He cupped his face with both hands and brought his lips back to his, putting more force behind him. God, he wanted to taste Rick. He wanted to know what that porcelain neck felt like under his teeth, and how good it would be to drink the moans right out of his mouth. He wanted to know what would make him tremble and gasp and make Rick want him as much as he wanted Rick. A thriving passion took over- he wanted to make Rick feel so lost in ecstasy he couldn’t feel anything else. After the unbearable tension building up over the past few weeks, he needed to get it out. Rick seemed more than willing to participate- Vyvyan could already feel Rick’s slowly building stiffness rubbing up against his thigh. He pulled away again as Rick pouted.

“You really are a virgin, aren’t you?” Rick blushed further, if that was even possible.

“I- No! I’ve had lots of sex!” Vyvyan gave him a look and Rick turned back down at the carpet, but Vyvyan couldn’t help grinning.

“Y’know how I can tell?” Rick’s stomach was doing flips as Vyvyan gazed at him with piercing eyes.

“H-How?” Vyvyan’s hands trailed down his chest, making Rick shiver as he went further down his body. He held onto his belt loops and rolled his hips against Rick’s. When he gasped and clutched onto Vyvyan as if he was the only thing keeping him on Earth, he bent down to his level.

“Because you’re this hard for me, and I’ve barely touched you.” He whispered, hot and breathy in his ear. Vyvyan rocked his hips again, this time making Rick moan loudly. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. His legs were hollow, his insides were flipping and his heart was pounding so hard he was afraid he’d pass out. Every time Vyvyan touched him, it felt like fire was licking his skin, but he wanted it, needed it, even. Masquerade Suite continued to roar in his ears, along with his rushing blood and pumping heart. Vyvyan pushed him back against the closet door, kissing him harder.

He held onto Rick's hips tight, untucking his shirt from his trousers and gripping onto his soft skin. Rick got the courage to move his hands up to Vyvyan’s hair, tugging on it and feeding it through his fingers. At that, Vyvyan moaned softly and licked at Rick’s bottom lip. Rick opened up his mouth against Vyvyan’s, letting his tongue in and giving him more access. Fuck, he never knew kissing could be like this. He was so painfully hard, and he could feel his cock throbbing with every lick of Vyvyan’s tongue. He felt so utterly helpless, weak against his powerful hands, soft mouth and warm body. Vyvyan took himself away from him momentarily.

“Fuck, Rick, you sure you haven't done this before?” He breathed, leaning his forehead against his and staring, blue eyes into blue eyes. Rick bit his lip.

“N-No. I-I haven’t even kissed anybody, b-before this.” Vyvyan smiled at Rick, then took his wrists in his hands and held them up against the door. Rick was pretty sure he was going to have a heart attack sometime soon if Vyvyan kept this up. He gave him another one of those fabulous smirks that made his pulse race.

“You’ve got a lot to learn, pretty boy.” Rick tilted his head back against the door and moaned. In a voice so rough with lust and with how turned on he already was, he could listen to Vyvyan call him that for days. He was just thankful the music was so loud. If anyone heard him, or caught them, or found out what they were doing; oh, hell, it’d be anarchic! He was a rebel, after all. Besides, it all felt too good to be wrong. Vyvyan kissed down Rick’s neck, gripping his wrists and holding him against the door. Vyvyan followed the blush along his neck as he kissed. Unable to prevent himself, he tempted fate and lightly pressed his teeth on the side of Rick’s neck. Rick gasped, and Vyvyan bit a little harder, making Rick gasp louder. He grinning against his neck before starting to suck at the area. The desire to mark it up with teeth and bruises was rushing hard through Vyvyan. But more than anything, Rick wanted to hold onto, something, preferably Vyvyan’s outrageously soft hair, but being held up against the door and completely at his whim was sending more throbs through his body. Vyvyan finished up the hickey with a small kiss. “How are you holding up, gorgeous?” God, Vyvyan really knew how to turn him on. As soon as he said that, it was another ache pulsing through him and more warmth in the base of his crotch, a throbbing need for more of Vyvyan.

“I-It's so much.” He whined, writhing underneath Vyvyan’s grip.

“You want me to stop?” Vyvyan kissed along his jaw.

“No! No, I-I don't… I’m-” His chest heaved. Everything happening was making him far more overstimulated than he previously thought possible. Every touch of his lips against his skin and his hands on him sent more palpitations through him. Being just next to Vyvyan was like taking another drug. His body tingled and twitched as he breathed hard. Vyvyan let go of his wrists, and Rick slid down the door. Vyvyan got down on his level.

“Are you having a bad trip?”

“N-No.” He slowly got himself off the door, then threw his arms over Vyvyan, leaning against him. He started lazily mouthing the crook of his neck, trying to do what Vyvyan did to him. But, with the laughs pouring out of him and the soft ruffle of his hair, he feared he was doing something wrong. He took his lips off him. “I just want you so much it's driving me blimming mad!” Vyvyan laughed again. “I dream about you, you know.” He hummed, bringing his legs up and sitting himself in Vyvyan’s lap. Vyvyan sat back against the wall, bending his knees and holding onto Rick, slotting him perfectly on his crotch.

“I know you dream about me.” Vyvyan said back. “I watch you, sometimes. Listen to you.” He looked at him, almost fondly, with half lidded eyes. He was so smiley, as if he had no cares in the world. “I like to fantasize.” Rick blushed profusely as one of Vyvyan's hands trailed down his spine.

“You fantasize about me?” Rick asked, biting his lip and sitting a little straighter.

“I do.” Vyvyan replied, putting his hands on his hips. “It gets me really, really hard, thinking about you.” Rick rolled his hips against Vyvyan.

“God, Vyvyan, I need you.” Rick moaned, starting to rock his hips harder and faster. He found he could get some friction against Vyvyan’s thigh, and once he started, he couldn’t stop. He kept rubbing himself through his jeans against Vyvyan’s leg, throwing his head back and putting his hands against his chest.

“Y-You wanna take off your trousers?” Vyvyan asked. Watching Rick fuck himself on his leg was incredibly sexy. He looked as if he was desperate for release- just staring at him try to bring himself there was more than lascivious.

“I have to- oh, god, Vyvyan, just, let me-” His breathing picked up as he rubbed himself harder. His hands balled Vyvyan’s sweater up, grabbing to find purchase anywhere he could. His cheeks flushed pink, his mouth hung slack and his eyes closed. He was absolutely lost to himself. The little noises of ecstasy he made, the whimpers, moans, gasps and hitches of breath were better than any music Vyvyan had ever listened to. Rick's lips were wet, shiny with spit, and if he wasn’t moving so much, Vyvyan would grab him and kiss him. He was more or less helpless to watch Rick get himself off on top of him. It was so good, Vyvyan had to unbuckle his belt and unzip his trousers. He took himself in his hand and started to jerk off. He watched Rick move up and down and swallowed thickly. Rick opened his eyes and rolled his hips back a little more. “Vyv, take your pants off.” He moaned. “I wanna see you.”

“Fuck, Rick, you too.” Vyvyan said back, his own breath starting to pick up. The marijuana coursing through his system made everything so much more sensitive. If he kept this up, he definitely wasn't going to last long. He was surprised Rick was still going- just touching himself right then was so intense. ”Wait, Rick, don’t. I-” He gasped, trying to hold on. “Fuck, bed, now.”

“A-Are we?” A rock suddenly fell in the pit of Rick's stomach. Were they really about to do _it?_ He didn't think he was going to lose his virginity this summer, and furthermore, he wasn't sure if he wanted to do it while he was high. He knew he didn't want to be a virgin anymore, but now?

“No. If you don’t want to, no. I just- I don't want carpet burns on my arse. Get up.” As Rick did as he was told, a silent sigh of relief passing through him. Vyvyan got up after him and started unbuttoning Rick's shirt. It was as fast and hungry as he could get under the influence, but he tried. He got it off of him and immediately started biting and kissing him everywhere he could put his lips. Vyvyan held onto him, walking backwards towards Rick's bed. He stumbled, then pushed Rick onto the duvet, quickly getting on top of him and straddling him. He kept kissing down his chest softly. His face still had spots, but the rest of his body was absolutely flawless. He had a light smattering of freckles on his shoulders, and the odd birthmark, but he was perfect to Vyvyan. He sat up straight, smirking down at Rick. “We’ve got somethin’ in common, you know.” He said, taking off his sweater.

“W-What’s that?” Rick asked, staring up at Vyvyan. He put his hands on his thighs, trailing his fingers along his trousers. He watched as Vyvyan took off his sweater, his breath hitching, already seeing how toned Vyvyan was through his tshirt. He took it off, threw it in the same pile as his sweater, put his palms flat on Rick’s chest, then leaned down to kiss him.

“No hair on our chests.” He said with a smile before nipping at Rick’s bottom lip. Rick giggled, smiling wide and putting his hand back in Vyvyan’s hair.

“I need another blunt. You want one?” Vyvyan gave Rick a suggestive glance, then sat up once more, his hands on Rick’s stomach and his eyes dark.

“I’ll show you what you bloody well need, pretty boy.” Vyvyan sat back on Rick's legs. He took off Rick's trousers and pants until they were halfway down his thighs. Heat simmered in Rick's chest and showed in his flushed cheeks as Vyvyan looked down at him with a wanton gaze. He wrapped his hand around the base of Rick's cock, already throbbing hard and heavily leaking precum. He stroked up slowly, rubbing his thumb over the head. Rick gasped as he watched Vyvyan pump him. He began to stroke him a little faster. Rick closed his eyes and threw his head back against the duvet. Vyvyan obviously knew exactly what he was doing, and with the high still coursing through Rick, he had never been in such incredible pleasure. Rick tried to grab somewhere on Vyvyan, somewhere for purchase, but he could only settle for the comforter. He bucked his hips into Vyvyan’s hand, breathing hard. He was already so stimulated from earlier that he knew he wasn’t going to last very long. He rolled his head to the side, his eyes squeezed shut and hitching breaths passing rapidly through his open mouth. He felt his body pulse and twitch under Vyvyan, fisting his hands in the duvet and thrusting himself into Vyvyan’s fist. 

He didn’t get the chance to warn him before his climax washed over him, come spilling out of him, painting his stomach and Vyvyan’s fingers. He trembled and moaned, so impassioned, unable to control his motions as he rode out his crest. Vyvyan stroked him harder and faster when he saw Rick coming undone, wanting- needing Rick to feel as good as he could make him. He watched Rick ravenously as he lost himself in ecstasy before pressing his lips against his. He felt the pulsing convulsions, the quake of Rick’s body below his as he ran his fingers through his hair, whispering nothings as he looked on. Vyvyan felt Rick reach his finish as he pumped him a few more times, slower, before taking his hand off him and sitting back up, making eye contact with Rick. He kept his connection with him as he started licking off his hand, releasing each finger with a wet pop as he stared. Rick was breathing heavily, blotchy in the chest with blush, but watching Vyvyan suck off come from his fingers was utterly salacious. When he finished, he laid back down on top of Rick, smiling softly and keeping his eyes trained on him. He danced his fingers along his chest, moving them to the beat of the music in the background. Rick was still far away, trying to come down from his orgasm, trying to catch his breath and come back to reality. He blinked a few times as arms wrapped around him and flipped him over slowly, so he was now on top of Vyvyan. Vyvyan cupped his face, brushing his cheekbone with his thumb and gazing at him fondly.

“How was that?” He teased. He could bloody well tell from Rick’s lust-blown eyes and bright red face, but it was still worth it to hear him say it. Rick shook his head, practically speechless.

“I… T-That was incredible.” He stuttered, lying down on Vyvyan’s chest and breathing hard. Desperate for some way to ground himself, he closed his eyes and put his hands on Vyvyan’s shoulders, needing some time to recover.

“Better than a fight?” Vyvyan said with a laugh.

“Better than a fight.” Rick agreed, mumbling incoherently on Vyvyan’s chest. Vyvyan kept one arm around Rick, and his free hand continuing to stroke his hair, twisting the plaits between his fingers. It sat sticky between their stomachs, but neither of them could care much. After a while of silence, Rick’s breathing finally slowed down. Vyvyan figured he had fully come down from his climax.

“Watching you like that got me so hot.” Vyvyan said, his voice still rough with lust. “Like, fuck, I’m aching!” He continued. “You wanna try?” He asked gently, keeping the hand in his hair softly stroking. Rick hadn’t said anything yet. “Y-You don’t have to.” He said, He certainly didn’t want to force Rick into anything he didn’t want to do. Rick continued to stay silent. “Rick?” Vyvyan shifted slightly, looking down at Rick and finding him sleeping soundly. He sighed, laying back on Rick's duvet. He closed his eyes as well, seeing if he could squeeze in a nap, and attempting to ignore his throbbing erection.

Both of them were fast asleep before the record finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the 60s. of course theyre gonna get high.  
> im definitely not trying to condone drug use or anything like what you do with your life is your business but like. don't do the hard stuff \m/
> 
> thank you all for reading, commenting and kudo'ing!! <3


	6. Denebola

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

Rick groggily opened his eyes. He didn’t know what time it was, but the sun was setting outside the porthole and it was just barely light. What time did he go to bed? And why did his bed not feel like his bed? Rick moved his hands, following the curve of shoulders, and noticed his cheek was pressed against a warm, smooth chest. He felt an arm draped over his back and breath against his hair. His head throbbed and his eyes hurt, a weariness throughout his entire body that made him want to close his eyes again and sleep a little while longer. The warmth of the body he was on top of wasn’t exactly helping his case either. He shut his heavy eyes, nuzzling in the crook of the neck, keeping his head under the chin as he brought his hands back up to the shoulders, giving them a squeeze before settling back in. Another arm was draped across his back as a low hum reverberated through the body below him as the arm moved up and a hand began to stroke his hair. 

“I thought you’d be a cuddler, pretty boy.” A voice above him said, still soft with sleep. Rick’s eyes shot open- he’d recognize that voice and that name anywhere. He launched himself off of Vyvyan, pressing off his shoulders and colliding with the wall, trying to get as far away as he possibly could. He breathed hard, looking down at Vyvyan, now shocked, then down at himself, realizing his bits were still out in the open before pulling up his trousers. He frantically started wiping off his stomach with his duvet, warm wetness still coated on his torso.

“Pervy! You’re a pervy!” Rick shouted, practically hysterical as he brought his knees to his chest and flung accusations at Vyvyan. He sat up in bed, shushing Rick and trying to console him. Rick wasn’t having that. He got off the bed and backed away from Vyvyan, his breathing picking up. He turned to the door. “There’s a homosexual in my bedroom!” He shouted. “He’s a perv-” Rick was cut short by a hand over his mouth and an arm across his chest.

“Shut the fuck up!” Vyvyan fumed. Rick struggled to get the hand off of his mouth. “Rick, stop it!” Rick didn’t stop and continued to trash in Vyvyan’s grasp. “How’d you find out I’m a homosexual, then?! Think it through, Rick! They’ll connect the bloody dots!” Rick slowly started to stop grappling against Vyvyan, taking in his words and letting the fear drop hard in his gut. He took his hand off Rick’s mouth, trusting he’d be silent, but keeping his arm around him, just in case. “We’re in this together, alright? It’s fine if you didn’t like it, but you can’t go fuckin’ around and telling everybody I like men, yeah? ‘Cos I know you bloody well like them too.” Rick looked down to the floor.

“I don’t like men.” He sounded like he didn’t even believe himself. 

“Rick.” Vyvyan spoke about as softly as he could get, yet authoritatively. “You can’t lie to yourself.” Rick held onto the arm around him, stuck between wanting to tear it away and wanting to feel comforted by it. In the grand scheme of things, was it really all that bad? Having Vyvyan on his side might be more helpful than harmful. He could definitely use someone who knew the ropes of all of this. But it was just so different, and new, and very frightening. He really didn’t know what to do about it all, but he felt himself getting upset over it. He could already feel the fear and the uncertainty of it all creep up on him in its ominous way, seeping its way into his thoughts and body. He felt heavy, trapped, collapsing under the weight of everything he had to analyze and think about, and rethink, and rethink again. He slipped out of Vyvyan’s arm, dropping to his knees and staring blankly outward. He was already beginning his process of over analyzation. God, how much of his life had he spent running from this? He often filled up his time after school and on the weekends, distracting himself, never leaving moments for him. It was coping. Running, distracting, being so exhausted at the end of the day that he really couldn't think about anything besides eating dinner and finishing his homework. It did him well- it got him decent marks and kept him busy, and that's all he needed to do for himself. Until the summer rolled around, and he didn't have anything to distract himself anymore. At the beginning of this god forsaken adventure, Jerzei told him being out at sea did things to a man, and while he was pretty sure he wasn't talking about this specifically, it really was messing him up more than he would've liked. 

“Rick?” Vyvyan sounded far away. “You gonna be alright?” He asked. 

Rick really didn’t know at that point, so he said nothing. 

“I’m gonna get dinner. I’ll bring you back somethin’, alright? Just, stay here.” Vyvyan spoke again. He nodded half-heartedly and watched Vyvyan grab his tshirt leave the room.

* * *

Vyvyan pulled on his shirt as he exited out the door. He lightly kept his hand on the wall- he could see, somewhat, it was just blurry. Things close to his face were okay, but anything farther than two feet away? Forget it. As he strained his eyes to try to get a clearer image of the world around him, he figured he really needed to get his glasses fixed. Maybe Jerzei could hook him up with something. He was able to get into the dining hall without much hassle- he got into the kitchen, grabbing two bowls and spooning mushy lentils into each, grabbing two spoons, and exiting out of the kitchen. He started to make his way back to the bedroom, when Jerzei walked into the dining hall. He wore his usual smile, but he brightened, seeing Vyvyan.

“Aye, Vyv! Good news!” Vyvyan felt his gut drop, but he tried to keep up the good mood. 

“What’s the news?”

“The microphone didn’t pick up the fucks! We’re good!” Vyvyan breathed a sigh of relief. Jerzei finally took notice to the bowls in his hands. “Are you that hungry?”

“What?” Vyvyan looked down at his hands. “O-Oh, no, one’s for Rick.” Jerzei smiled and walked over to Vyvyan.

“Proud of you, kiddo. Workin’ out your problems. You two best pals now?” Vyvyan gave Jerzei a tense look.

“Ah, gettin’ there, Jerzei. We’re gettin’ there.” Jerzei patted him on the shoulder.

“Keep at it, Vyv.” Jerzei sniffed. “...Were you smoking marijuana?” Vyvyan gave Jerzei a forced laugh that went far too long.

“It’s bonding.” He responded a little too quickly. Jerzei eyed him curiously, but rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

“Whatever works, aye?”

“Aye!” Vyvyan responded back just a tad too enthusiastically with a laugh that sounded much too fake. Jerzei gave Vyvyan an unsure smile before he went to the kitchen. Vyvyan breathed a sigh of relief before exiting the dining hall himself, and making his way back to the bedroom.

After a little struggle, he managed to open the door, getting in and closing it with his foot. His heart dropped when he saw Rick wasn’t there. He put the bowls of lentils on top of the dresser and looked around the tiny bedroom. There weren’t any places to hide, if he was, so he didn’t bother to call for him. He didn’t think before letting instinct take over. He raced through the bunker of the ship, looking for Rick anywhere he thought he’d be. He checked the recording booth, the dining hall, the bathroom, the bedrooms, the lounge- everywhere he thought to search on the bottom level. He went to the deck, a little out of breath from sprinting. He glanced over to the bow of the boat, where a red, blurry mass was huddled up. He ran over, bending down to its level, finding it was Rick, in his sweater, holding his knees to his chest. He looked out at the ocean. The odd wave crashed against the side of the boat at times, but mainly, it was calm. There was a cool breeze, seeing as the sun had nearly finished setting, but it wasn’t enough to chill. Vyvyan sat down next to him, crossing his legs and looking out to the horizon. It mainly just looked blue. He couldn’t pick out the details, but he could see the overall colors- blues, purples and oranges. He supposed the only thing that he actually really wanted to look at was Rick, but he prevented himself. He sighed, scooting up to the railing and throwing his legs over the side, putting his elbows up against the bar and holding his chin in his hand. He swung his legs nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t practically hanging a few tens of metres in the air, only being held back by a metal bar.

“Dinner’s on the dresser, if you want it.” He said quietly after a little while of silence, watching the oranges fade into pinks. Rick sighed, copying Vyvyan’s position, but resting his head against his arms, held up by the railing.

“Thanks.” He said. “Sorry for taking your jumper. It’s just cold out.” He continued. There wasn’t any emotion or feeling in his voice besides the weight of realization and the drawbacks of that. 

“It’s okay.” Another pause. “It’s my favorite.”

“I know. You practically live in it.” Rick said, just a hint of a smile in his intonation. Vyvyan felt the smile on his own face.

“Why are you out here?” He asked.

“Helps me think. There’s just a lot on my mind, I guess.” More silence passed as the pinks turned to purples and blues. “It smells nice, the sweater.”

“Really?”

“It smells like you do.” Vyvyan turned to Rick, shock across his face.

“You like how I smell?” Rick nodded. Vyvyan looked back out to the sea, smiling. “Funny.” More silence. When it got darker, Vyvyan took his legs off the side of the boat and laid himself back on the deck, looking up at the sky. Even without his glasses, a few of the stars were bright enough for Vyvyan to just barely make them out, if he squinted enough. Vyvyan pointed to the brightest one. “That star’s my favorite.” Rick followed his finger and looked up to where Vyvyan was pointing.

“That’s not a star.” Vyvyan eyed him curiously, and Rick laid down with him. “It’s Venus.” He snorted. “Your favorite star is a planet.” He said with a laugh. Vyvyan pushed his arm and rolled his eyes and Rick laughed a little more, and Vyvyan couldn’t help laughing back.

“Well which star is your favorite, farty?” Rick shook his head.

“It’s still too light out to see. It’s above the moon, when it’ll come up.” Vyvyan hummed affirmatively and kept his eyes trained at the sky. It was when he started to get a headache that he closed them- he wasn’t tired; his eyes just needed a break. Rick sat quietly in the dark, until Vyvyan broke the silence.

“Do you wanna talk about today?” Rick shrugged.

“I suppose.” Vyvyan interlaced his fingers over his torso, sighing slowly before opening his mouth again.

“Did I do something, or make you uncomfortable?” He bit his lip, trying to think if there was any way he could’ve worded that better. “Did you not want that?” Rick took a few moments to gather his scattering, racing thoughts.

“No.” He took another moment. “I mean, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He exhaled, unsure of what to say. He nuzzled a little deeper into the sweater. He wasn’t sure if he should feel afraid by how comforted he felt by it, but with everything him and Vyvyan did, he probably shouldn’t feel afraid. Nevertheless, emotions were rarely logical. He wrapped his arms around himself. “I wanted it and I’m just scared that I did.” Vyvyan pursed his lips.

“It can be a scary thing. But, y’know, it's not wrong, or anything. You're not wrong.” Vyvyan took a moment. “You’re wrong about lots of other things, but liking boys is okay.” He said, trying to crack a joke. Rick didn't say a response. As the quiet passed, stars became brighter and the moon began to make its trek across the sky. The sounds of the waves, the smell of the ocean, and the sky above him was Vyvyan’s comfort. Rick found his in Vyvyan’s sweater. Both of them felt more relaxed, despite having such an open conversation. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“I don’t think I can handle being alone. Not now.” Rick said. The honesty he let go- it felt so brave, in Vyvyan’s eyes. He didn’t give Rick half the credit he should. He was stronger than he assumed he was, and probably stronger than he knew. Vyvyan moved his hand at the halfway point between them.

“Okay.” Vyvyan said softly. Rick slid his hand across the planking to meet Vyvyan’s. Vyvyan intertwined his fingers with his, giving his hand a small, reassuring squeeze before settling it back down on the deck. They sat in silence a little longer, but it was comfortable. For the first time in his life, Rick wasn’t running away. He let himself experience what he was feeling, right at the moment. Good was the wrong word, but, fulfilling, maybe. This was how it was supposed to be. Normal. 

He looked back up to the sky, focusing on the simple beauty. White dots on a navy veil. Yet, there was an elegance in it, an incomprehensible ethereality that was enticing. But, maybe it wasn’t the stars that were what he was drawn to. Out here, in the middle of the ocean, holding hands with a boy he thought he could learn to hate, staring at the night- maybe that was the appeal of it all. There was no flash-bang or grander; it felt ordinary, and it was something Rick desperately craved. He finally had it. He had no reason to beat himself up over enjoying the little pleasures in life. 

For now, it would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe it's a little too sweet for these boys but. im a disgusting man i love seeing them happy n being sweet n caring for each other whoops
> 
> ALSO: chapter title is rick's favorite star :)
> 
> thanks for commenting, kudo'ing and liking!! every bit means a lot!! <3 <3


	7. Groovy Times with Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye (and special guest)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil's radio show is in full swing at 2 in the morning. Rick can't sleep- there's too much on his mind, but maybe the hippy isn't as bad as everyone seems to think.

_ July 2, 1966 _ _   
_ _ I have to say, the last two days have been more interesting than I thought they could get on this bloody boat. I think both Vyvyan and I have Neil to thank for this? If we want to thank him. I'm not quite sure we’re at that point yet. Let me just run down what's happened. _

_ So: we nearly blew ourselves out of the water because we said... An expletive, on air. Well, it turns out the microphone didn't catch it! I'm just glad we didn't kill the Scumbag, that's for sure! But after that, I was pretty sure we had killed the Scumbag, so I got Neil to give me some weed. And Vyvyan and I smoked so much of it, because why not? And I had a whole blunt and a half! That's pretty anarchic, if I do say so myself! And I don't quite remember the specifics of how this happened, but Vyvyan and I were dancing, ‘cause we were drugged out of our minds, basically, and then he kissed me! Can you believe it?! He ruddy well kissed me! Right on the mouth! Things, escalated, from there, and I won't go into that (I'm still a virgin, I know, but one day it'll happen!). But I guess I fell asleep afterward.  _

_When I woke up, I kind of panicked. I'm still not quite over it, but I suppose there's no changing the past. And I had quite a lot to think about, so I just sort of went to my space at the front of the boat. And then he came over, and we just talked, late into the evening. He even held my hand. That just_ _seemed like not a very Vyvyan thing to do, but he did it anyway. It felt good. Made me feel kind of special. We just talked and he comforted me, in (I can assume) the only way he knows how: silent but unyielding support. It didn't matter; it was nice anyway._

_ I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little awkward between us. We haven't gotten into a fistfight in a day, so that's a new record. It's just all so new, y’know? I don't know if he wants to kiss me anymore. I know I still want to kiss him.  _

_ It's odd writing that. It feels wrong. But I know nothing has ever felt more right than his lips on mine. _

_ I hope he wants to kiss me again. Even if he never did, I don’t think I’d ever forget the feeling of it. _

_ -Rick, xoxoxo _

Rick tapped the pen against his lips. He could hear Vyvyan sleeping above him, breathing softly, but it was quiet enough in the room to listen. He sighed, turning off his torch and trying to settle into bed. He hadn't gotten much sleep since “The Incident”. That's what he started calling it. It fit. He turned to the clock on the bedside table, barely able to read out the time- a little passed two. Neil’s broadcast played softly through the intercom. He was tempted to have a blunt and let that drift him off to sleep, but he didn't necessarily want to sleep. He was tired, sure, but there was far too much on his mind to even think about sleeping. He sighed. It was desperate, but maybe talking to the only other person awake on the ship would help. He really did need to talk to somebody about  _ this _ , even if that somebody was Neil.

He stumbled out of bed, grabbing a pair of track pants off the floor. He didn't remember packing them, but remembering anything at two in the morning was no easy task. He pulled them on and grabbed his journal before silently walking out of the room and towards the station.

* * *

 

Neil had his feet up on the chair, his knees bent to his knees as he held a cup of rosemary tea, smiling softly, his eyes closed as he bobbed his head to Jefferson Airplane. It was more of an “awake” song rather than a night shift one, but he wouldn’t be sleeping until six anyway. The track finished up, and he turned the microphone back on to announce the next song.

“Alright, vegetables, that was, uh, Rollin’ Round the World, by Jefferson Airplane. They’re a pretty groovy band, from America, if you couldn’t tell.” He put his cup down and his elbows on the table, propping his head up with his hands. “You know what’s really groovy?” He paused a moment. “Maybe groovy’s the wrong word. But, like, I’m in the hippy scene, right, and like, I like kind of psychedelic music. Well, I guess if you listen to my broadcast, you’d know that. But, I don’t, just like psychedelic music. Wait- I guess you’d know that too. Aw, man, I’m trying to transition into the next song, but I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. Usually I’m in the kitchen having a really bad time, but I guess now I’m in the recording booth having a bad time. Heavy.” He sighed. “Here’s another one, also from America. I like it, so. Yeah. Here’s Sherry Baby, by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Peace and love.” Neil started up the track, queued up the one after that, and leaned back in his chair. He nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a quiet knock at the door. He turned, looking through the window and finding a face he didn’t expect to see, but waved him in anyway. Rick quietly came in, shutting the door behind him. “Hi, Rick.” He spoke over the music.

“Hey, Neil.” He responded, leaning up against the door as he put his hands in his pockets.

“Why are you wearing Vyv’s sweatpants?” Rick looked down at his legs for the first time and noticed the college insignia with a few words printed over the thigh. He tilted his head back against the door, sighing before sliding down it. At least the assumption he made in his journal was right- apparently, Vyvyan did do track and field.

“I just grabbed them off the floor.” He said. He ruffled his hair uneasily. “Hey, Neil? You know how you said if I needed to talk to someone about, erm, heavy dreams, you’d listen?” Neil nodded, watching him expectantly, but easily. He really was going to give Rick the time he needed to gather his thoughts, which he’d probably have to take.

“You want to talk about them?”

“Maybe not the dreams, necessarily. But, ah, the consequences? Of them?” He pursed his lips. “Am I making any sense?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Dreams can get sort of funky.” Rick snorted.

“That’s for sure.” He took a deep breath. “O-Okay. Um, you can’t tell anybody about this, alright? Not even the person I’ll be talking about.”

“I won’t.” Rick took a gathering moment, and Neil let him have it.

“It’s about Vyvyan. We-, um, you remember the weed you gave me?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Vyvyan and I smoked some of it. Just for fun, y’know? A-And, god, ever since he came on board, I-” He stopped again, then decided to reveal his journal to Neil. “I can’t talk about it. I wrote all about it. I just need someone to know, and I think you’re probably the best candidate.”

“Aw, Rick, that means a lot, man. Thanks.” Rick held out the journal to him with shaking hands.

“Please, don’t- don’t freak out, okay?” Rick turned his head away as he felt the journal leave his hands and into Neil’s. “Please.”

“I’ve seen some pretty heavy stuff, Rick. I don’t freak out, man. Hippies are all about love and support, and, stuff.” Rick nodded, clutching his knees up to him.

“You should start on the June seventeenth entry.” Neil opened up the journal as Rick tried to not let anxiety take him over. 

“You have nice handwriting.” Neil said offhandedly. Rick expelled a nervous laugh and a small smile.

“Thanks.” He looked over to Neil as he started reading. He could feel himself start to sweat every time he heard a page flip- Neil read surprisingly fast. He didn’t react at all, either, which Rick found even more worrying than anything. He nodded when he got to Rick’s last entry and closed up the journal, giving it back to him. He turned around in his chair, setting up the next song as “Sherry Baby” ended and “At Last” by Etta James began. Neil continued to say nothing. “Aha, is it American easy-listening night or what?” Rick said, awkwardly trying to make a joke. Neil shrugged.

“I like it.” He said. Rick kept the journal held close to his chest as the both stared tensely at each other.

“Well?” Rick asked.

“Yeah?”

“What do you have to say about all that?” Neil sighed, taking off his pink-tinted glasses and setting them on the table. 

“I thought you already knew you had smooth elbows.”

“What?”

“Y’know. Bit of an eccentric. Sleeps diagonally. A boy from Eton.”

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you own a silk bathrobe?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You need to watch more films, man. I’m just saying I knew you were a homosexual.”

“I’m not a homosexual! I’m just, figuring things out.”

“Rick, no offense, but, like, your journal is one of the most homosexual things I’ve ever read. You have a paragraph talking about Vyv’s sweat.”

“Oh, shut up! You’re not helping!” Rick stayed silent, sighing heavily and holding his journal, looking pensive. “Do you think other people can tell?” Neil pursed his lips.

“Hard to say, man. I, like, read auras, so.” He said, trailing off at the end.

“You’re really bad at this.”

“I’m really bad at lots of things.” Rick and Neil sighed in unison as Etta James finished up. Neil put on the Beatles before turning back around to the other.

“I don’t know what to do.” Rick said. 

“I think you should tell him how you feel, you know?”

“Shouldn’t he know by now?”

“He might not. I mean, from what I read, he seems to be initiating a lot of this. Like, he kissed you first. He came out to the bow with you and comforted you before you even asked. He held your hand first, like, Rick, he’s putting the ball in your court. Vyv probably wants some reciprocation.” He crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair as Rick milled over Neil’s words.

“I don’t even know what my feelings are right now.”

“Tell him that. Give him something to work with, yeah? Vyv can be pretty abrasive sometimes, but you’ve obviously seen the softer side of him.” Neil took a moment to think. “Do you, like, want to be in a relationship with him?”

“I suppose I’d be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it.” Rick responded. “I… Maybe. He just doesn’t seem like the kind of person to want that sort of thing. 

“What makes you say that?” Rick shrugged.

“I don’t know. He’s a college student. He could have anybody in the world if he wanted, a-and I’m sure he knows other people who are much better than me. I just have trouble believing that he’d want, y’know, this _. _ ” He wrapped himself in his arms and turned to the ground. “And, and what would Jerzei, or Mum, or Dad, or anybody say? What would they think? I just… There’s so much working against me.” Neil thought, a pensive look on his face.

“But Vyv isn’t against you.” He finally said, after what felt like eons. “In fact, I think he’s gonna be your biggest support through, y’know, figuring this all out. And that’s the most important thing, in the end.” Neil turned back around in his chair, switching records over. Rick sat on the ground, stewing over what Neil said. He really had said something profound, and maybe he should take it to heart. He stood up, taking a deep breath before expelling it slowly.

“Thanks, Neil.”

“No problem, Rick. I hope I could help you out, in some way.” Rick nodded. “Oh, wait, Rick, I’ve got something.” Neil reached behind his stack of records and pulled out Vyvyan's glasses, fixed and as good as new. Rick took them and inspected them.

“Ruddy heck, Neil! How did you-” 

“I didn't. These are Vyv’s spares. He left them in the bathroom last year, and forgot to take ‘em back, so I sorta kept them. I was gonna give them to him tomorrow, well, today, I guess, but you can. If you want to woo him.” Rick turned a light pink.

“You're helping me flirt with Vyvyan.” Rick said, almost giddy. Neil shrugged.

“Peace and love, man. All about helping that out.” He gave Rick a peace sign which Rick tried to awkwardly give back. His first instinct as he held up two fingers was to turn the back of his hand to Neil, but that wouldn’t be the best thing to do, considering he was helping him. He put his hand down, gave him a polite nod, then, not knowing what else to do, decided to exit out of the recording booth, shutting the door behind him. Neil turned his attention back to the records, noticing he absent-mindedly put on Buddy Holly. That was okay, he supposed. He knew Jerzei liked to keep the music more recent, but it was his radio station. Besides, the gang never listened anyway. He turned back to his boxes of records, figuring out what to play next. It wasn’t until he turned back around, bumping his head on his microphone and causing a horrid feedback that he realized it was on and still broadcasting. He swallowed nervously, trying to think back to when the last time he spoke was.

But no one listened to his station anyway. He had nothing to worry about, right?

* * *

 

Rick ventured back to his bedroom, fumbling around in the dark before taking off Vyvyan’s trackpants and making his way to the bottom bunk. He put Vyvyan’s glasses on the bedside table, reminding himself to give them to him when they woke up. It felt too cold- it was always cold at night, but having not been in bed for a while, it was even colder. He listened to Vyvyan breathing quietly above him. Neil was right. He ought to reciprocate something. Just to show him that this escapade Rick felt he was at the brink of wasn’t going to be fruitless.

Fuck it. Vyvyan was always warm, Rick was cold, and both of them could use some form of reaffirming. Rick got off his bed and onto the ladder, climbing up it and reaching Vyvyan’s bed. The twin sized mattress would be a tight squeeze, of course, but with the closeness they had shared just days ago, he really wouldn’t mind it. He hoped Vyvyan wouldn’t either. Rick climbed over to the head of the bed, getting under the covers and scooting himself in. He heard Vyvyan sigh.

“Rick, what are you doing?” He asked, his voice still soft with sleep and muffled by the pillow.

“You said you knew I was a cuddler. Did you expect anything different?” Rick whispered back, bringing the duvet up to his chin and laying on his side. Vyvyan opened his eyes, struck by the situation.

“You? You want to?”

“Vyvyan, hold me before I freeze to death.” Vyvyan, once again, found himself unable to object to Rick. He got himself on his side and threw his arm over Rick, pulling him closer against him and properly spooning him. Rick immediately felt sleep seep into him- Vyvyan was so warm, and being so enveloped by him and surrounded by his smell was more than relaxing. He closed his eyes, blackness dancing on the edges of his vision. Vyvyan rested his head back on the pillow and fell back asleep. Rick was quick to follow, letting go of his worries and just letting the moment be.

Neil was right. Vyvyan wasn’t against him, and furthermore, no matter how scary or new this whole experience was, Rick wasn’t going to be against Vyvyan either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (chapter title is neil's radio show title cos hes a big nerd and names his broadcast)  
> chapter seven!!! sorry for being a bit slow on updating- school's a bit of a killer!!! thank you all for being so patient <3333


	8. Rick's First (public) Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's birthday dawns upon the ship and what could be an important milestone in becoming an adult is single handedly ruined by multiple hands. And Vyvyan may or may not be jealous.

Rick woke up still huddled into Vyvyan’s duvet. It was more than light out- he assumed it must’ve been later than they were normally supposed to wake up. At first, he was worried that he might’ve overslept, but, remembering it was Sunday, he put his head back down on the pillow. He turned his gaze up to the boy next to him, and couldn’t stop the small smile that made its way to his lips. It really was nice, waking up warm, and next to him. However, his heart quickly dropped when he saw what Vyvyan had in his hands and incredibly close to his face, moving it along, reading it word by word. He shot upright, trying to get into a sit, only to hit his head on the ceiling and fall back down on the pillow. Vyvyan looked over to him quizzically before going back to Rick’s journal.

“Good morning to you too.” He said, turning a page. Rick rubbed his head and glared at him.

“Vyvyan! That’s mine!”

“You left it on my bed. And it’s pretty juicy.” He said, a smile playing on the corners of his mouth. God, Rick hadn’t even realized he was still holding it with him when he got into bed with Vyvyan! “I like the list you made about me.” He outrightly teased. “Do I really have 'taut thighs'?” Rick blushed a bright red as Vyvyan bit his lip, trying to stifle the inevitable grin. Rick furrowed his eyebrows. If Vyvyan was going to play dirty, Rick could ruddy well play dirty back! He scooted a little closer to Vyvyan before putting his hand on his thigh and tracing over the soft outlines of his muscles. He felt Vyvyan tense under him, taking the journal away from his face and looking over to him. Rick got even closer, continuing to stroke his thighs until his lips were up to his ear.

“You do have taut thighs.” He said quietly, moving up his leg and teasing just under the seam of his pants, but never quite high enough. Vyvyan swallowed as Rick brought his other hand up to Vyvyan’s, taking the journal and tossing it off the side of the bed, thumping as it hit the ground. “I had a lot more I wanted to say. A lot more I was thinking about you.” He said, drawing out his words hot against Vyvyan’s cheek. “So much more I imagine about you.” Vyvyan turned his head over to him, and unsure expectancy laying in his eyes. Rick smiled at him, then took his hand off of his thigh and started to scoot off the bed. “Well, I suppose it’s time to get motivated. C’mon, Vyv! We can’t spend all day lazing around in bed!” Vyvyan’s eyes widened, his mouth agape and a pink blush across his cheeks.

“You bloody tease!” He said, a slightly impressed intonation in his voice. He didn’t know Rick had it in him. Rick jumped off the top bunk, flashing Vyvyan a smile, enjoying the moment before it was shattered by SPG throwing open the bedroom door, breathing hard, panic stricken across his face.

“Get in ya Sunday fuckin’ best, lads!” He shouted. Vyvyan propped himself up on his elbows.

“The bloody hell’s going on?!” SPG suddenly broke into a smile.

“We’ve got a birthday boy!” He said, pointing to Rick.

_“ What?!_ _”_ Vyvyan said, turning over to Rick. Rick looked a little panicked- it was his birthday, but he certainly wasn’t expecting Jerzei to know that, and furthermore, tell the group about it. He was mostly expecting to just brush it off casually, celebrate his eighteenth birthday quietly. It’d be the first quiet birthday he’d ever have, but apparently that wasn’t in the cards. “It’s your _birthday?!”_

“Yes!” SPG responded for Rick. “Now getcha fuckin’ arses up to the dinin’ hall!” He said before slamming the door shut and leaving the two boys alone. They turned to each other, listening to SPG wake up the rest of the floor. Rick really wasn’t counting on that- he toyed with the idea of legitimately lazing around in bed all day with Vyvyan. Nothing ever stopped on the Scumbag; not even for budding romance. Rick sighed, then remembered he didn’t need to be in bed all day with Vyvyan to woo him. He grabbed his glasses off of the bedside table and put his hands behind his back.

“I’ve got something for you.” Rick said.

“A punch in the face?” Vyvyan said back. “Cos after that, I think I might need to give you one. Bastard.” The lack of anger in his voice surprised both of them. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was your birthday!”

“Oh, shut up. Here.” Rick grinned, holding out his hand and Vyvyan’s glasses.

“What is that? You know I’m myopic, stupid.” Rick rolled his eyes.

“Bring your face down here, then.” Vyvyan did as Rick told, leaning over the side of the bed until he was face to face with him. Rick smiled, then put his glasses on over his ears. “Now you’re not myopic.” Vyvyan blinked a few times, trying to adjust to seeing the world clearly again. He looked at Rick and smiled back at him.

“Where did you- how- I-” He stuttered, practically overjoyed. He thought he was going to have to go into town, order new ones, and wait for the mail boat to bring them. And now he didn’t have to.

“I fixed them.” Vyvyan scoffed.

“You big liar! You can’t even fix a bad frequency!”

“Vyvyan, I think one day, you’ll find I can be very good with my hands.” Rick bit his lip while Vyvyan flushed a deep red. Where this flirty, fun personality came from, Vyvyan didn’t know, but good god, was flirting with Rick fun. Vyvyan broke into another smile before taking hold of Rick's face in both hands and staring at him. He was caught. He wanted to kiss Rick; he really, really did, but they hadn’t kissed since their marijuana escapade. Did Rick feel the same? Did he want to kiss him? He was flirting with him anyway, right? Wasn’t he?! He settled for giving Rick’s cheek a light swat before jumping off the bed.

“And I’m still myopic. Now I can just read your girly journal better.” Rick sighed softly- when Vyvyan cupped his face, he really did expect a kiss, or something of the sort. Now _that_ would’ve been a birthday present- just a chance to kiss Vyvyan again. But now really wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. It was his birthday, after all, and he could let himself get lost in the decadence of a celebration at sea, whatever that was like and whatever that included. He watched as Vyvyan made his way to the closet.

“What are you going to wear for my birthday?” Rick asked, leaning against the bedpost and watching as Vyvyan stripped off his sweater and shirt.

“My birthday suit.” Vyvyan responded, not skipping a beat as he pulled out a neatly pressed, white button down and his normal khaki slacks. “Belt or braces?” Rick shrugged.

“I didn't even know you owned nice clothes.”

“I don't know what you're talking about. I look nice everyday.” Vyvyan said back, throwing the clothing on Rick's bed and pulling out a pair of braces. Vyvyan started pulling on the slacks over his pants. “Pretty boy! Stop enjoying the show and get ready!”

A few minutes later, Vyvyan and Rick were in their Sunday best. Rick couldn’t stop looking at Vyvyan- he looked utterly smashing. He was surprised he abandoned his sweater. His clothes were a little outlandish, for him, anyway- he had on his tan colored slacks and a white, neatly pressed shirt. He wore a pair of suspenders, but didn’t bother to put them over his shoulders, just leave them hanging at his sides and down his legs (Rick had to stop himself from asking Vyvyan if he knew how suspenders worked). He wore his regular, calf-high, black fishing boots and his glasses. Truthfully, Vyvyan could wear anything and Rick still would’ve still been attracted to him. He hoped he didn’t look too squarish next to him- a grey button up, dark jeans, his favorite red shoes and a blazer. His outfit completely clashed with itself, but it was his birthday, and it was one of his favorite nicer outfits. They stood outside the door of the dining hall.

“You ready, birthday boy?” Vyvyan asked, his normal, stupidly infatuating grin on his face.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Rick said back, taking a deep breath.

They entered the dining hall. Inside, Jerzei, SPG, Mary, Neil, and Mike were waiting- Mike was narrating everything on the “portable” broadcasting system (a crappy little box that was hooked up to the radio network with an even crappier microphone with it). Next to Jerzei was a girl Rick hadn’t seen before, but she was conventionally attractive- big eyes, blonde locks, large chest, flawless skin and neatly done makeup. She gave him a nice smile, and Rick politely nodded back.

“Happy Birthday, Rick!” Said the gang in union. Rick got red.

“Rick, the junior technician, begins to blush, whether from embarrassment, or from his birthday present, we may never know.” Mike said into the microphone.

“What? Birthday present?” Rick was genuinely confused. Jerzei clapped the woman on the shoulder.

“Rick, this is Delilah. She’s your escort for the day.”

“Here's a fun fact for the listeners: Rick is the practically the dictionary definition of a virgin." Mike whispered to the portable.

“Don’t say that on air!” He shouted, practically mortified.

"But it’s your eighteenth birthday! Let’s get that boy into a man!” Mike said. The rest of the gang cheered and Rick flushed ever brighter as he looked over to Vyvyan. He was as pale as his dress shirt, a forced smile on his face. Rick swallowed uncomfortably, feeling absolutely awful for Vyvyan, but even worse for himself.

“Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but this is all very sexist, firstly. Women aren’t birthday presents to be given out! Have any of you even asked Delilah about her thoughts with all this?” Delilah shrugged.

“I’m getting paid, so…”

“Trust me, Rick. She’s a good one. Only the best for the birthday boy!” Mike said, winking at him. “Why don’t we get some steam on air? A little kiss, perhaps?” Rick clutched at his shirt as the gang hooted and hollered. Delilah stalked over to him, intentionally swinging her hips, but her face read rather bored with the whole situation.

“Wait, wait, I’m not sure this is really the time-” Rick turned to Vyvyan, pleading for help before his face was forcefully grabbed and lips were rammed into his. Delilah’s hands were in his hair, tugging and pulling as exaggerated moans reverberated from her mouth into his. Rick tried to say something, but the words came out as muffles, which probably sounded like a few moans back. She got off him and the crew cheered. He looked like an idiot, mouth agape, practically paralyzed. He could feel residue of her lipstick on him, and it only brutally reminded him of how horribly violated he felt. He looked over to Vyvyan, even more blanched than before. He balled his fists and stormed out of the dining hall, and the crew went quiet.

“Vyvyan, the senior tech, has just violently exited the dining hall. Jealousy? Pride? What could be going through his mind?” Mike spoke softly into the microphone. “Silence and uncomfortable tension fills the air.”

“Mike, shut up.” Rick said.

“Rick snaps at Mike! What drama has Jerzei unknowingly brought on board? What Pandora’s Box has he opened?” Rick fumed. He didn’t know what to say or do, and if he made Vyvyan angry… All the awkwardness building between them since The Incident was unbearable. He was just starting to break it down this morning, and maybe get somewhere with Vyvyan, but he might’ve just singlehandedly destroyed it. He wasn’t sure he could go back to fighting with him, not after they mutually discovered much better ways of resolving tension. And if he ruined that? Before it could even begin? He practically shook from anxiety.

“Look, this is all very nice, b-but, erm, I don’t know Delilah, and I’d rather…” He looked around the room at the expectant faces surrounding him. He met eyes with Neil, looking just as nervous as he felt. His eyes widened, suddenly, and he opened his mouth.

_“ What?_ What’s  _my sister_ doing here?!” Neil said. He was a poor actor, and anybody could see that, but at least he was trying. He walked over to Delilah. “Sis! You can’t be here!” He said, gently taking her arm. He turned to Rick, trying to be as convincing as possible. “I’m really sorry, Rick, but, I can’t let you _do stuff_ with my own _sister!_ _”_ He nodded his head in Rick’s direction, trying to ask him to play along.

“I’m not your sist-” Delilah started before getting cut off.

“Your _sister_ _!”_ Rick interrupted, clutching at his heart and gasping theatrically. He turned to Jerzei. “Jerzei! This is highly irresponsible! I cannot believe you tried to set me up with _Neil’s sister!_ _”_ Mike was just about ready to puke at the notion that he might’ve slept with Neil’s sister. Jerzei’s mouth hung slack. “I… I might just have to write home about this!” Rick added, satisfied with his empty threat. “If you will all excuse me, I think I need some time to myself to digest this shocking, and frankly unacceptable behavior!” He said, starting for the doors. “Come along, Neil! Let’s escort your _sister_ back to shore!” He said. He was silently grateful for the junior Shakespeare classes in primary school his mother forced him into- he didn’t think he could’ve pulled off a performance as convincing as that without them. He opened the doors, letting Neil pass through, along with Delilah, before giving a final look to the remaining four and flashing them the V’s. The door slammed shut.

“...We’re going to start up some tunage and cut to a break. Keep it swanky.” Mike said halfheartedly, shutting off his microphone and turning on a preplanned mixtape.

* * *

 

Rick, Neil and Delilah walked silently up on deck before she sharply inhaled and turned to Rick.

“You! You and him!” She pointed to Neil. “You’ve got somethin’ goin’ on with him, don’t you?!” She turned to Neil. “And they don’t know about it.” She breathed. “A forbidden romance!” Rick and Neil gave each other a panicked look and Rick grimaced.

“I don’t have anything going on with Neil!” Rick retorted.

“It’s Vyv he’s got the thing with.” Neil explained. Delilah gasped again and Rick shot a look at Neil.

“The ginger?!” Delilah asked.

“Don’t tell her that!” Rick said.

“It all makes sense now!” Delilah continued to speak. “No wonder you kept staring at his bum before ya noticed the rest of us! And, and him runnin’ off after I kissed you! Oh, I am _quite_ the detective.” Rick and Neil didn’t say anything. She turned her nose to the air. “I suppose it’s not all that hard to figure if you can analyze as well as I can.” She looked back to Neil. “The only thing I can’t figure is why he told you.” Neil shrugged.

“I don’t really know either.”

“I guess I’m with you two.” Rick sighed. He really didn’t know what compelled him to tell Neil of all people, but he was glad he had. They got to the edge of the boat, staring down at the tied up motorboat below them.

“And the plot thickens.” Delilah said. Rick and Neil weren’t exactly sure why it was thickening, but it did sound cool to say. “How long have you and your lover been seein’ each other?”

“He’s not my lover!” Delilah smiled and bit her lip before getting on the other side of the boat, holding onto the ladder.

“Of course he's not." She replied, a knowing glint in her intonation. "Good luck with the light of your life!” She said, descending the ladder with giddy. Neil climbed over the edge and looked up to Rick.

“Go make sure Vyv’s okay, alright Rick?” Neil asked. Rick nodded.

“I know.”

“Okay. And, Rick? Be honest with him.” Rick heard Delilah gasp from below.

“You haven’t told him your feelings?!” She said. Rick hesitated, unsure of what to say, and Delilah practically squealed. “I am _so_ tuning into this station tonight!” She said, nearly jittering with excitement. Rick forced a smile to her.

“Bye, Delilah.” He called out, then turned back to the other. “Thank you, Neil. I really owe you.”

“No you don’t, Rick. You just owe this to Vyv.” He said with an air of finality, then started climbing down the ladder. Rick watched the motorboat leave before getting up the courage to go find Vyvyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rick's birthday present is ruining a relationship :( oR IS IT  
> STAY TUNED to SCUMBAG RADIO
> 
> ahhh yeah this chapter came faster cos!! i dont really have a reason why actually it just came fast :0 in english we're doin lots of timed essays so maybe thats helping i couldnt say tbh  
> anyway!! thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and kudoing and commenting too <3


	9. I Can't Help Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the little show in the dining hall, Vyvyan's upset, hurt, maybe jealous. Not that he'd ever admit the last part, or even the first two, but actions speak louder than words. How's Rick going to make it up to him?

Vyvyan sat, his back against the dresser and his face huddled into his arms. It was a small comfort, being crunched up in the space between the armoire and the wall, but being enveloped by himself was something. It was the most comfort he could get, at the moment.

He didn’t know what to think. Things just might’ve started getting somewhere with Rick. Fucking bastard. He made his heart race and his palms sweat, but worse, he felt like he was at the whim of him. Truth be told, Rick was just so bloody different from everyone else he’d been with. It was infuriating and Vyvyan just wanted so much _more_ of him. Three weeks. Three bloody weeks of listening to Rick’s wet dreams, watching him fight his internal conflict, finally, finally letting himself go and losing himself to Vyvyan. And then more internal conflict. But then last night, when he crawled into bed with him, he let himself think, just for a moment, that maybe Rick had accepted himself. Maybe he could accept Vyvyan into his life.

The morning had barely started but he was already pissed off. It wasn’t the fact that Rick got a girl and he didn’t, or anything so bloody childish. He was jealous of her. He was jealous that she could simply throw herself on Rick and the crew not bat an eye. He was jealous that she stole a kiss from him. He was jealous that Rick was going to have to spend time with her, and maybe even have sex! Imagine that! They had no chemistry compared to him and Rick. So much buzzing energy was stored between them, and then, to see that get taken, forced away from him, in front of his own eyes. Rick didn’t want that, but what did Rick want anymore? Maybe the kiss with her changed his whole bloody life. Vyvyan was Rick’s first kiss, after all. He probably realized kissing women was so much better than him. He was probably making out with her right now, and she was probably running her hands across his chest and back, and he was probably thinking how stupid he was for ever wanting Vyvyan, if he ever did. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he was desperate for something, and Vyvyan was a source to relieve that something.

God, fucking damnit.

Fucking damnit shit fuck bloody fuck son of a fucking, bitch, fuck! Fuck!

Vyvyan really didn’t want to think about this right now but he couldn’t think about anything else. It plagued his mind and started to make him shake. He didn’t even hear the bedroom door open.

“Vyv?” Oh, god, there’s that bloody fucking voice. That fucking voice that’s been bouncing through his head and the voice he wants to hear when he goes to bed at night and when he wakes up in the morning. He doesn’t want to respond to the voice. “Vyvyan, come out from the dresser.” He sighs. God, he doesn’t want to see him. He doesn’t want to fucking see him because he knows that Rick doesn’t want to see him either. He wants to tell him that him and the new love of his life are going to run off to Fiji and that he was nothing more than a blip in his memory. Years from now, he’s going to be just that to Rick. “Vyvyan, please. I want to talk.” Of course he wants to fucking talk! Here he goes, time to destroy his fucking life! God, he hates him. He hates him to no fucking end and he wants to kiss him senseless and make him never forget him. He stood up and turned around, facing him and crossing his arms. He watched Rick shift around uncomfortably.

“Well?” Vyvyan finally said.

“W-Well, I, I…” Rick really wasn’t expecting this. He didn’t expect Vyvyan to look so upset. His eyes were red, but it didn’t look like he’d been crying- more like trying in vain to keep the tears from coming out. Looking at him made his heart break. “Are you okay?”

“Did you have a good time with your whore?” He said, full of spite. “Took a lot shorter than I thought! Suppose that’s to be expected, considering you’re a bloody teenager.”

“Vyvyan!” Rick scoffed. “Don’t be such a pig!” He crossed his arms back. “And Neil got her off the boat, okay?!”

“But everyone was just _so_ happy when you _finally_ got your first bloody kiss! _Why_ on _Earth_ would he do that to your _girlfriend_?” Vyvyan sneered.

“Because she’s not my girlfriend! I don’t like her!”

“Oh, that’s a fat load of shit if I ever heard it!”

“Why do you think I like her?! Vyvyan, I-” Rick stopped himself. Oh, god, Vyvyan was _jealous_. Rick never would've guessed that was an emotion he could have, but here it was, staring him smack in the face. Now, he really needed to get brave. He took a deep breath. “I like you! I fancy you! Not her!” Vyvyan started clapping.

“Congratu-fucking-lations! You’re a worse liar than I thought!”

“You know what, Vyvyan?!” Rick shouted.

“What?!” Vyvyan shouted back. Rick scrunched up his face, then stormed over to Vyvyan, grabbing his wrists and backing him up against the wall. Vyvyan suddenly looked a little more scared- neither of them thought Rick could overpower Vyvyan like that. Vyvyan struggled against him, trying to get out of his grasp, but Rick only gripped onto him tighter. “What do you fucking want?!” Vyvyan shouted in his face. Rick said nothing, staring at Vyvyan with piercing eyes, as if he was trying to read into the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind. Despite the fact Rick was shorter than Vyvyan, he still felt a sinking feeling in his gut as he stared back at Rick with daggers.

“Shut up and listen.” Rick began, a simmering anger under his words. “I hate how you make me feel. It's like I'm a bloody schoolboy.”

“You are a bloody schoolboy.” Vyvyan spat back. Rick slammed Vyvyan’s wrists back against the wall.

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He emphasized each of his words with a slamming of his wrists. “Listen!” Vyvyan finally shut up. Rick took a trembling breath and dug his nails into Vyvyan’s skin. “I hate that I feel like I’ve got a bloody playground crush! I hate how badly I want you and I hate how much turmoil you put me through! I was doing just fine, and then you come along and mess it all up! I can’t lie to myself anymore and I hate it! I hate that I want to hate you, but I can’t! I can’t hate you, Vyvyan! You could beat me senseless everyday for the rest of my life and I still couldn’t hate you! And I hate that! I really, really hate how much my heart races when you grab me by the collar and I don’t know whether you want to kiss me or kill me! I hate that you plague my dreams, and my mind, and my, my everything! I can’t stop thinking about you and how bloody perfect you are! I hate that the only way I got the courage to let you kiss me was because I smoked pot!” He paused. Vyvyan looked back into his eyes and noticed how watery, clear and blue they were starting to become. Rick sniffled and kept going. “I’ve spent too much of my life pretending to have crushes on girls and wondering why I didn’t get stiffies when I saw them in the centerfolds! It was all a bloody act! It’s pretend, pretend, pretend, and I hate that you’re the first real thing in my life! Everything felt fake, and, and phoned in! And then you jumped on this bloody, fucking ship like you owned the place and I fell. I fell really bloody hard for you! I still am! And I don’t think I’m ever going to stop falling!” Rick started to shake against Vyvyan. “You know what I really hate?” Vyvyan shook his head slowly. Rick swallowed and tried to blink back inevitable tears. “I know you don’t see that. You don’t see a ruddy thing, Vyvyan. We’ve been joined at the hip for three weeks and you don’t even see how infatuated I am with you.” He got quieter at the end, a tear rolling down his cheek. He let go of Vyvyan’s wrists to wipe his eyes, but the more he tried to get the tears off his face, the more came.

Vyvyan dropped his hands, breathing hard and watching Rick. He hadn't expected that sort of reaction from him. Vyvyan took himself off the wall, taking an unsure step towards him. He reached his hand out slowly, taking Rick's face gently and cupping it in his palm, turning his chin up to him. He could feel Rick's tears build up in between his hand and his face, but he wasn't thinking about that. Instead, he brushed his thumb over his cheek, wiping away tears. He brought his other hand up to his face, doing the same motion and watching him.

“You like me?” Rick sighed, a little exasperated, but put his hand over Vyvyan’s, holding it against his face. He took a breath, closing his eyes and expelling it, trembling.

“Yes, Vyvyan, I like you.” Rick turned to the floor, taking away his hand from Vyvyan’s. “I just… I don't know if you feel the same.” He took a pause, gathering his thoughts. “I-It's okay if you don't. I really n-needed to tell you, is all.” He backed away from Vyvyan and held himself in his arms, taking slow, deep breaths. Anything to ground him.

Vyvyan watched as Rick tried to comfort himself. What broke his heart the most was how practiced this routine looked- Rick wasn’t new to self soothing. He wondered how many times he had to do this in the past, how many times he had to suffer in silence and use himself as security. How many times was he alone?

Rick suddenly felt another pair of arms around him, and at first, he tensed, but it was the familiar, warm body he was already beginning to grow accustomed to holding him. He leaned his head against Vyvyan’s chest, putting his hands to his face and wiping at his eyes. He felt Vyvyan rest his chin on the top of his head, and for a moment, let himself feel comfort. How fully enveloped he was by Vyvyan, and how warm, and simply good he felt- it was far more than nice, but that was the only word that kept putting itself in his mind. Vyvyan reached a hand up to his hair, ruffling the short, shaved back softly and running the small plaits in between his fingers as he stroked it. Rick buried himself in Vyvyan’s chest, taking his arms off himself and wrapping them around Vyvyan, holding him, clutching him as if he’d float away without gripping onto him. What surprised Rick the most was Vyvyan holding him back just as tight.

“Rick,” Vyvyan started. He had to take a stretch to get his thoughts together. “Of course I feel the same.”

“I-I just want to be in your life.” Rick responded, muffled by Vyvyan’s chest and the tears still streaming out of him. “I don’t want to be alone.” He said, balling Vyvyan’s shirt in his hands and shuddering against him.

“You won’t.” Vyvyan said back, softly, but full of intent. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Rick took his head off of him, looking up, eyes big and meaning. Vyvyan took Rick’s face in his hands, gazing at him in the same way. Electricity buzzed between them- there was still so much to say, so much they wanted to say, but no voice to say it. Vyvyan brought his face to Rick’s before kissing him softly. He pulled back from his lips, already missing the feeling it. Rick looked back at him longingly, and while they didn’t say anything, they didn’t need to- they spoke without speaking, communicating with their eyes, leaning in closer to each other. They kissed again, then again, and again, harder, hungry, and full of passion. Rick returned with the same desire, both of them desperate for more of each other, needing to put all of their bubbling emotions into one action. Rick put his hands around Vyvyan’s shoulders, tugging on his hair as Vyvyan slipped his tongue into Rick’s mouth. They licked and kissed at each other, fire building and burning, their mutual feelings overflowing into each other. Vyvyan’s hands ran over Rick’s chest, wanting to touch his skin, rip his shirt off and feel the embers in his heart. Kisses got more ravenous, both of them battling to show all the power and feeling they had for each other. Rick got up on his tiptoes to power back against him, and, taking the opportunity, Vyvyan took his lips off his momentarily to grab Rick’s thighs and tug him up onto him. Rick wrapped his legs around his waist, kicking off his shoes as Vyvyan held onto him, getting their hungry mouths back on each other, never able to get enough of the other. Vyvyan’s glasses were starting to fog up from the heavy, hot breaths between them, but he could care less. All that mattered was Rick so fully encompassing him, and their shared agreement- they weren’t going to have to be alone. They had each other.

Vyvyan held tight to Rick’s thighs, grabbing and kneading them, inching closer and closer to his bum until that was in his hands too. He pulled up, sending Rick higher above him and digging into his hair harder as he took his mouth off of his, just to take in a breath and let it out with a groan. He wrapped his legs tighter around Vyvyan, pulling him in closer and kissing him. Rick took Vyvyan’s glasses off of him, putting them on the side of the dresser as Vyvyan pressed him up against it, sitting him down before taking his mouth away from him. Rick looked at him, his eyes begging for his lips back on his, but Vyvyan was far more interested in putting his lips elsewhere. He stripped off Rick’s blazer, roughly yanking it down his arms before moving his hands up to his collar, beginning to unbutton from the top down. His hands were already trembling from pure lust, and just looking up at Rick becoming so undone above him, his lips shiny, red and kiss-bitten, a flaming blush across his cheeks and his eyes clouded with desire was lascivious. Just watching him breathing hard and gaze at Vyvyan expectantly was sending pulsing throbs down his body and ending at his cock. He gave up with the buttons and tore open Rick’s shirt, sending buttons scattering across the dresser and the floor. He grabbed his ass and pulled him close to him, positioning himself face-to-chest, right between his legs. Vyvyan’s lips reached for his collarbone, kissing down to his chest, sucking his nipple into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue.

Rick breathed hard, gripping onto Vyvyan’s shoulders and hair. He was so lost to pleasure, quivering and trembling with every one of Vyvyan’s touches. He was on fire, but to burn was heavenly. He took a deep breath, moaning softly as the hot wetness of Vyvyan’s mouth pulled off of him, only to kiss to his other nipple and work it just the same as the first. His cock twitched and pulsated as he watched Vyvyan work, his cheeks bright red, desperately needing so much more of him. Just watching Vyvyan grab him, pull him in so close as if he couldn’t get enough of him was enough to make him come- he could already feel how wet and tight his pants were becoming. He twisted Vyvyan’s hair in his hands and stared down at him. Vyvyan took his mouth off of Rick and gazed up to him, smiling fondly. Rick moved his hands to cup Vyvyan’s face before leaning in and kissing him as Vyvan hummed into his mouth. Rick bit down on his bottom lip, playfully tugging at it before releasing. Vyvyan brought a hand up to his hair, ruffling it softly.

“Cheeky bastard.”

“I thought I was your pretty boy.” Rick said, biting his own lip. Vyvyan smirked and started trailing his hands down Rick’s torso.

“You are my pretty boy.” He started, his fingertips dancing along his torso. “My gorgeous, beautiful boy.” He continued, his hands reaching the hot tent in Rick’s trousers. He started to palm him through his jeans, rubbing him slowly, but hard. Rick gasped, whimpering through a bitten lip, his legs trembling. Vyvyan watched Rick above him, staring at him reacting to his touch. Just that was enough to get him just as hard as Rick felt. He started to grind against his leg- anything to get some fiction.

“God, Rick, I want you so fucking bad.” Vyvyan moaned, emphasizing his words with a strong hand. Rick’s blush went blotchy down his chest, his hips bucking into Vyvyan’s palm.

“Ugh, god, please.” He looked down at Vyvyan, lust clouding his half lidded eyes. Vyvyan felt his own cock throb with desire, but before he could say anything, Rick began to slide off the dresser, holding onto Vyvyan’s shoulders as he touched the ground and got his hungry lips back onto Vyvyan’s. He kissed him hard, desperately, needing him more than he needed air. He put his hand right on Vyvyan’s noticeable bulge, palming it hard. He didn’t know what to do, exactly, but Vyvyan seemed to be enjoying it. Rick smirked- Vyvyan was able to make him feel incredible with just his hand; now was the time to return the favor. He pulled away from him momentarily to push him towards the bed. Vyvyan stumbled back, falling onto Rick’s bunk. Rick quickly got on top of him, sitting in his lap, straddling him, and beginning to roll his hips against Vyvyan’s. He threw off the rest of his destroyed shirt and gazed down at the boy underneath him. Vyvyan held onto his waist, his head lolling back in pleasure, completely lost to Rick’s whim. It was one of the most arousing sights Rick had ever witnessed.

“Oh, fuck- Rick, if you want me to- oh, _god_.” Vyvyan gasped, hot air lingering and continuing to steam up the room. “I-I’m gonna come in my fucking pants if you don’t stop.” Rick didn’t let up. Instead, he started to fondle himself on top of Vyvyan, running his hands over his smooth chest and deliberately trying to work Vyvyan up.

“I can’t help it.” Rick moaned, rocking his hips a little harder against Vyvyan’s. “You make me so fucking horny.” He said, breathing hard. He really had to stop- he already felt a build in the base of his crotch, but watching Vyvyan writhe underneath him was just too good. He gripped tighter on his hips, screwing his eyes shut and desperately trying to hold on. “Do you want me to stop?” He asked pertly, knowing full well the answer- but teasing him was too fun. He started to unbutton Vyvyan’s shirt, sliding it off his shoulders and dancing his fingertips over his chest.

“Don’t you dare.” He breathed. “Don’t you dare fucking stop.” He gripped tighter onto Rick, his fingernails digging into his skin as he rocked a little faster. Vyvyan’s cheeks flushed red as his breathing picked up. His heart raced as his squeezed his eyes shut, bucking against Rick's hips. Rick bit his lip- he was close, but he held back. He needed to make Vyvyan come- more than ever, he needed to show him he could make him feel just as good. Maybe with a little practice, even better, but that might be pushing the envelope for now. At the moment, he was simply focused on getting Vyvyan to his climax, and that seemed fast approaching. He was rutting against him, sweat starting to bead on his forehead. Vyvyan wasn't able to hold himself up any longer, collapsing back on the bed as his breath hitched, his face nearly as red as his usual sweater. His mouth hung slack, and suddenly, he stopped writhing beneath him as his crest began to wash over him. Small murmurs escaped him, involuntarily shudders pulsed through him as the space between his crotch and Rick's got hotter and wetter, come spilling out of him with each buck of his hips. He moaned in spurts, occasionally Rick's name, or an expletive, or just a cry of ecstasy, but all the same, it was definitely getting Rick off. He was surprised he hadn't come yet, but he continued thrusting against him through every shiver and tremble of Vyvyan's crest. He eventually tapered off, opening his eyes and breathing shallowly. He looked up at Rick before expelling a breathless laugh, putting his hand on his face, cupping his cheek. He stroked his face with his thumb, gazing fondly. Rick barely touched him, but he had still given him an amazing orgasm. There wasn’t even skin to skin contact, but it was incredible all the same.

“Nicely done.” He said, still smiling. Rick leaned over him, sliding his hands up his chest and to his shoulders, putting his head at the crook of his neck and kissing up his jaw.

“Really?” He asked, draping his arm over him.

“Really.” Vyvyan responded, ruffling Rick's hair. “My pretty boy did such a good job.” He mumbled, pressing his lips against his temple. Rick flushed bright red, his grip tightening over his shoulder. How just his words sent another throb to his already painfully hard cock, Rick didn’t know, but fuck, did he want Vyvyan. He felt him wince under him when he dug his fingernails into his skin. “You alright?” Vyvyan asked. Rick swallowed and nodded.

“Y-Yeah, just, fuck! That really turned me on.” He said.

“What, calling you ‘my pretty boy’ or telling you how good you are at making me come?” Vyvyan asked, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smirking. He felt Rick shudder against him.

“Vyvyan! Stop that!” Rick said, holding onto Vyvyan tighter. Vyvyan gently stroked Rick’s hair as a few moments of quiet filled the air between them.

“Did you come?” He asked suddenly.

“Well, no, but-” Rick was suddenly cut off when strong arms wrapped around him and rolled him onto his back, Vyvyan gazing down at him. He softly pressed his lips against his- Rick was surprised he still had a stamina after that, but he wasn’t about to argue with it.

“I think we’re learning something.” Vyvyan teased. Rick blushed further.

“W-What do you think we’re learning?” Vyvyan started kissing down his neck, nipping at it gently.

“It’s a hunch, but, I think, you like to be praised.” He said, humming against his skin. “And, I think you get off on knowing you’re mine.” Rick gasped softly, closing his eyes and running his fingers through Vyvyan’s hair. “That true? You like being all for me?” Rick whimpered, involuntarily bucking his hips, rolling them against Vyvyan’s. Vyvyan could've guessed Rick was into that- his loud dreams provided the majority of his evidence.

“Oh, _fuck, yes._ ” He breathed, grabbing a fistful of Vyvyan’s hair and tugging at it. He felt Vyvyan grin against him before moving back up to his lips and kissing him again, this time a little more forcefully. Rick moaned into his mouth, still rolling his hips up to meet Vyvyan's, but Vyvyan held him down, pulling off of him and giving him an almost conspiratorial smile.

“Good.” He said, running his hands along Rick's sides. “My good boy, pretty boy.” He added, laying it on thick purely for the enjoyment of watching what shades of red he could reduce him into. Rick certainly seemed to be ravished in it, writhing below him with every word. Vyvyan bit his lip and moved his hands lower, towards Rick's belt. “Does my pretty boy want to be touched?” He said. If he didn't have evidence to the contrary, he might've said he was enjoying this more than Rick was. However, Rick's enthusiasm and pure, wanton looks was all that needed to be said. Vyvyan unbuckled his belt and started to take the jeans off of Rick, sliding his pants and trousers down his legs and throwing them off the side of the bed, staring at Rick laid and bare. Fuck, he was _gorgeous_. His blush trailed red and prominent down his chest, leading down his smooth, skinny frame to his throbbing, already leaking cock. He held his legs closed together at the knees, as if he could hide anything at this point, but nevertheless, the modesty, the practical shyness he saw in Rick- caught between humility and lack thereof. Vyvyan leaned over to kiss him again, firmly planting his knees on either side of him breathing against his lips and gazing at him with lust clouding eyes. “You’re fucking beautiful.” He whispered, taking Rick in his hand and starting to stroke him slowly. Rick whimpered already, draping his arms over Vyvyan’s shoulders, lips red and wet, shallow breaths spilling from his slack mouth. “God, I want to fuck you so bad.” Vyvyan said, putting his head in the crook of his neck as he stroked him a little harder. Rick gasped, his cock twitching in Vyvyan’s fist as he rolled his hips up.

“Please.” He uttered, so lost to him. Vyvyan picked his head up.

“Please what?” He asked, mere centimeters away from his lips. Rick bucked his hips into Vyvyan’s hand, desperate for release. He burned with embarrassment, but he wanted- no, needed Vyvyan.

“Fuck me.” He breathed. “God, fuck me, Vyvyan!” He gripped onto Vyvyan’s shoulders tighter. “I need you so bad. Please.” He begged, writhing in Vyvyan’s grasp. Vyvyan couldn’t believe Rick was in such a state. He swallowed, taking his hand away from his cock and biting his lip, looking down at him with near bashfulness.

“God, I want to.” He said, kissing his neck gently. “I-I don’t have any lube.” Rick sighed, whether in desire or exasperation or both, Vyvyan didn’t know. Silence stretched for a few moments.

“I-I have lube? Ish.” He said, trying to improvise. He still looked utterly debauched, but he was trying. That alone was more than endearing. “Here, hold on.” Rick reached under the bed, pulling out a container of vaseline. Vyvyan quirked an eyebrow at him. “Don’t give me that look!” He said, blushing further. “It’s… I get dry skin!” He retorted.

“Sure, Rick.” He took the container in his hands, reading the label. “Petroleum jelly. I feel like I use this on my car.” He said. Rick grabbed it back and started unscrewing the lid.  

“Same difference. Get on your knees.” Vyvyan smirked, biting his lip, but doing as he was told.

“You and your mixed messages.” Vyvyan started. “I can’t tell if you’re gonna be a top or a bottom.” Rick set the jar down, reaching for Vyvyan’s trousers, undoing his zip and quickly sliding off his slacks and pants.

“I guess we’ll just have to find out.” He teased, gazing up at him and biting his lip. He looked back in front of him. Rick paled, staring at Vyvyan’s manhood. It wasn’t monstrous, but it was a good size, and knowing that _that_ could be going _in him_ was petrifying. How he still looked achingly hard just after coming, Rick had no idea, but it didn’t settle his nerves any. He was planning to lube him up with the vaseline, but all he could do was helplessly gawk at it. He was struck with the realization that being stupidly horny and anxious was a bad combination.

“That’s going to kill me.” Rick uttered. He still wanted it- he really, really wanted to have sex with Vyvyan, but nerves were balling up in his gut.

“Rick, it’s not _that_ bad.” Vyvyan said. “I mean, I’m flattered, but, I’m not gonna just put it in. There’s prepping, y’know? Fingers.”

“That doesn’t help! You’ve got big hands!”

“Well I’m not putting my entire hand in your arse, am I?” Rick tensed and blanched even more. Vyvyan sighed, sitting back on his feet. “‘Look, would you feel more comfortable if you were on top?”

“I-I don’t know what to do either way.” Rick responded, rubbing his arm apprehensively.

“Let me show you, then.” Vyvyan said, putting his hands on Rick’s shoulders and easing him down on the bed. “Just, lay back, relax, and leave it to me, okay? You can tell me to stop at any time.” He held himself over him before leaning down and kissing him, trying to help him relax. Rick nodded, taking a shaky breath. He felt himself tense, and it seemed every attempt to make himself calm down only ramped up his anxiety more. Vyvyan could feel him practically quiver beneath him. Vyvyan continued kissing him, running his hands up his arms, trying to soothe him. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Rick quickly nodded.

“Yes!” He said, a little too fast. He bit his lip and looked away from him. “Yes, I'm just…”

“Scared?”

“No! I’m…” He sighed. “...Yeah... A bit.” He said. This was not how nasty mags and stories of erotica portrayed sex. It was always just kissing, and then the act, with lots of gasping and loudness and screaming orgasms, shuddering and convulsing and becoming utterly lost to pleasure. So far, they were definitely not off to a good start. Or was it a good start? Was this how sex actually worked? Rick’s heart was still pounding as he looked up at Vyvyan over him.

“I’ve got you, alright? We’ll take it at your pace.” Vyvyan said, kissing Rick’s jaw and giving him an easy smile. God, he was being so good with him. For all the fighting they had done for the past few weeks, he really wasn’t expecting Vyvyan to be _tender_. He quickly assumed he was rough around the edges and on the inside too. Nevertheless, he was pleasantly surprised. Rick took in a breath, letting it fill his chest (hopefully with some trace of courage) and expelling it slowly.

“Is it gonna hurt?” Rick asked. Vyvyan shrugged.

“In the beginning. Just a little. But I’ll warm you up first, and then it’ll feel really, really good.” He bent down to softly kiss him on the lips. “Trust me?” Rick’s heart practically skipped a beat, but he nodded anyway. Vyvyan kissed him again and Rick tried to let his nervousness leave him. Vyvyan trailed a hand down his torso, making his way to his cock and starting to stroke him slowly. Rick sighed, humming as he closed his eyes and focused on Vyvyan's hand working him.

It wasn't long before he was rolling his hips into his fist, trying to get more friction. He was back in his blushing state, his lips already red and kiss-bitten, his face and chest flaming and precum beginning to bead out of the head of his hard cock. Vyvyan kissed him hard and Rick moaned into his mouth, cupping his face and holding him close. Vyvyan took his lips off him, gazing back down at Rick.

“You think you’re ready?” He asked softly. Rick had enough emotions bubbling in his chest- it was a lot like being at the top of a rollercoaster and waiting for the bloody thing to just _happen_ , but simultaneously, not want it to move at all.

“Y-Yeah.” Rick said, voice brimming in nerves and desire. Vyvyan nodded and kissed Rick again before reaching over to the vaseline. He slathered his fingers in it, trying to get the most thick, even coat he could. He moved one finger to Rick’s arse, then leaned down and kissed him hard as he slowly pushed into him. Rick gasped, his trembling lips against Vyvyan’s still, warm and comforting ones. His lips parted as Vyvyan pushed his finger in a little further, then kept it still.

“Alright?” Vyvyan asked. Rick’s arse was so tight around his finger, he wanted nothing more than to replace his finger with his achingly hard cock and feel that tightness, the incredible pleasure that he could already tell was there, but Rick’s comfort was what mattered first. So far, he seemed to take it okay.

“I-It’s not so bad.” He said, a nervous laugh expelling from him. Vyvyan laughed as well and kissed him again.

“Good.” He said.

“Kinda weird.” Rick continued, laughing again. Vyvyan smiled and laughed with him. He waited until the laughter died down a bit before pushing further. He got to the knuckle, Rick tensing around him, his eyes wide as he groaned, There was a pain, and with Vyvyan just keeping his finger still, it wasn’t that “really good” he was talking about. It was just, there, and felt too much like a pinch. Before he could say anything, Vyvyan started moving. Rick hadn’t said anything, save for the occasional “Oh” or a wince, but once Vyvyan picked up his speed, Rick was finding it to be more enjoyable. Rick got more comfortable around Vyvyan, and at that point, he put another slick finger inside him and started opening him up more. Rick gasped, digging his fingernails into Vyvyan’s shoulders and biting his lip, trying to keep from shouting. Just another finger was so different, and at first, that hurt too. Vyvyan kept moving in him as fast as he was before, and just that was getting to be bordering the line between pain and pleasure- it was a throb so exquisite it made him want more and not want more all at once. But, when Vyvyan hit a particular spot inside of him, he nearly saw stars, making him groan loudly. His breath hitched as he tensed, involuntarily convulsing under him. Vyvyan showered him in kisses as he moved his fingers, breathing hard above Rick. Just watching him writhe under him was enough to make him cum. A warmth welled in his chest- he was Rick’s first everything, practically. He felt privileged to have that position, for Rick to trust him enough to give him his first kiss, his first sexual experience with a boy, his first sexual experience period. And he really couldn’t wait for it.

He kept at his pace, watching Rick. Rick occasionally jumped, but for the most part, he breathed hard, moaned and trembled beneath him. He was definitely enjoying himself- he often rolled his hips back on Vyvyan’s fingers, fucking himself on his hand. Vyvyan continued to kiss him.

“Such a good boy.” He moaned, hot and breathy over Rick’s lips. Rick felt his cock throb as Vyvyan praised him. God, he was really starting to live for that. He had no idea something as simple as that could turn him on so much, but was it working. “Does my pretty boy feel good?” He said, moving his fingers faster inside Rick. He was in such an unbearable state of ecstasy, he couldn’t even find words. All he could do was pathetically writhe against Vyvyan’s hand as he stared down at him like a god. At this point, he practically was, to Rick. He had never felt so incredible in his life- his whole body was wracked by pleasure, and just when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, it all stopped. Vyvyan pulled his fingers out of him, then slathered more vaseline on his hand, taking himself and starting to stroke his leaking cock. Rick watched on as he got more lube on himself, his usually pale skin red with arousal, little breaths passing unevenly through his open mouth as he pumped himself. Rick was just about ready to push him over and leap over his knee- for as nervous as he was, his hormonal urges were far more overpowering. But Rick didn’t have to wait long before Vyvyan was back on top of him, lining up his cock and pushing into him. Tears stung at the edges of Rick’s eyes as Vyvyan entered him- it was a much bigger stretch, enough to make him release a short, sharp shout as he clawed into Vyvyan’s back. Vyvyan winced, but gasped himself from how tight Rick was. It felt absolutely amazing, and the craving to thrust hard into him was prominent, but he didn’t dare move until Rick was ready. When he released the pressure under his hands and only left angry nail marks on Vyvyan’s shoulders, Vyvyan went a little farther in, moving the same way as he had his fingers. He kissed his neck, trying to ease him into it. “Alright?” He asked softly. Rick felt incredible around him, but Vyvyan wanted to make sure he was feeling the same. He nodded.

“Y-Yeah.” He said. He breathed, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Vyvyan’s neck. “God, you’re so fucking big.” Vyvyan brushed his thumb over Rick’s cheek, trying to soothe him. He let him get used to the size before starting to push in a little further. Rick gasped again, whimpering. Vyvyan was groaning as well, but neither of them felt the urge to stop- Rick knew it was going to feel better soon, and Vyvyan wanted to get Rick to that point. He let out a weak gasp when he got deep into Rick, and Rick was already panting, trying to keep himself calm.

“Good?” Vyvyan asked, just as some sort of temperature check.

“Good.” Rick responded. “J-Just, start moving. That’s when it feels good.” He said. Vyvyan took his instructions, biting down a smile. He didn’t mind following directions from Rick, but this was his first time, after all. It was funny, but Vyvyan was glad he was telling him what he wanted. He started to thrust into him, slowly, allowing both of them to get used to the feeling of each other. At first, there was the occasional “ow” or a flinch, but shortly, it was starting to feel good- really good. Both had sweat beading on them, sliding slick between them as Vyvyan’s motions got a little harder and a little faster, Rick eagerly meeting each thrust with a roll of his hips. Rick wrapped his legs around Vyvyan’s waist, his upper body falling back on the bed as he held onto the headboard for dear life. Vyvyan held onto Rick’s thighs, throwing his head back as he thrusted deeper in him. With the way Rick’s hips were angled, Vyvyan was hitting a certain spot that made white burst behind Rick’s eyes every time he pushed into him. He gasped and moaned, completely lost to pleasure. If he thought Vyvyan’s fingers were good, he could eat his words now- his cock was amazing. He had never felt so libertine in his life, each pulse and pound of indulgence overtaking his body, making him writhe and shudder every so often. He couldn’t process anything else besides Vyvyan. His body throbbed for him, his cock twitched for him, each moan and shout of his name and each quaking convulsion was all for him. Rick didn’t think he had ever felt so good in his life, and was unsure if he would ever feel so good again. He didn’t even realize he was coming until it started spilling out onto his stomach, his heels dug into Vyvyan’s back and his hands desperately grabbing for purchase on the sheets. He was coming hard, shouting Vyvyan’s name and thrusting up to match his motions. After a few more pounding thrusts, Vyvyan was coming too, doubled over Rick as he groaned, panting as he released into him. After both had finished, they stayed in their positions, breathing hard, Rick still throbbing everywhere. Vyvyan pulled out of him before promptly collapsing on top of him. Rick dropped his legs and let go of the sheets, still laid spread out on the bed. He had never felt so thoroughly fucked before, so deliciously used. If sex was like this, he could definitely stand to feel that more. He had absolutely no energy to do anything but breathe- he was amazed Vyvyan could lazily mouth kisses on his neck and ruffle his hair, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. Vyvyan made his way up to his lips, and didn’t so much as kiss him, but press his lips against his. Rick eventually got the power to actually try to kiss him, wrapping his arms around him and stroking up and down his spine. Vyvyan hummed in approval before picking his head up and gazing down at Rick fondly.

“I think I went a little rougher than intended.” He said, his voice rough with a postcoital scratch. Rick laughed weakly and stroked his cheek.

“No wonder I’m absolutely dead. Bastard.” Rick teased. “God, I think you’ll have to fuck me like that every time, now. That was amazing.” He continued, still trying to catch his breath. Vyvyan buried his head in the crook of Rick’s neck.

“I bloody will! Don’t tempt me!” He responded, muffled by Rick’s shoulder. He thought for a moment and started to kiss his neck, then started to suck and bite at it. Rick exhaled a trembling breath as he closed his eyes and put a hand in Vyvyan’s hair, tugging at it lightly.

“Fuck, Vyv, I don’t think I have the energy for another erection right now.” He said, sighing and feeling himself twitch as Vyvyan bit down on him. He sucked a little harder as Rick gripped his hair a little tighter, then tapered back down to kissing, then resting his head back on his chest.  Rick felt at the newly developed hickey. “Couldn’t have put it somewhere less obvious?” He said, throwing a jibe at him. Vyvyan kissed at his jaw.

“No, cos I want everyone on this bloody ship to know you’re mine.” Rick shivered and groaned, putting his hands over his eyes.

“What’d I say about the whole erection thing?” He whined. Vyvyan just smiled at him and kissed him again, this time on the lips, slower, deeper, more passionate. Rick returned the kiss, bringing his hands to Vyvyan’s face and cupping it. When they eventually broke off, Rick couldn’t help smiling up at him. “You’re lucky you’re so bloody attractive.” He said.

“And you’re gorgeous when you’re flustered.” Vyvyan teased, dancing his fingertips close to Rick’s hips. He tutted and swatted his hand away, and Vyvyan laughed, settling back down on his chest and letting the moment be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^) hell yeah  
> for real tho: writing rick's outburst was. fun. i mean maybe fun was the wrong word, but yall have no idea how great it was to just write and write and write that bit. i had to edit it a lot (it was about two pages before i shrunk it down) but still !! this whole chapter was just pretty fun to write. hard emotions = best emotions (i mean not when youre feeling them but writing them is a good time) 
> 
> anyway, thank you for commenting, kudoing and reading !!!! every bit means so so much to me, and i just cant express that enough !! thank you !:D


	10. Devious Antics and Tolkien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath. Part 2

After fully coming down from their haze, Vyvyan rolled off of Rick and to the edge of the bed, sitting up and stretching. He stood, going over to the dresser, walking on legs that felt like jelly, and grabbing his glasses. He put them on, rubbing his eyes underneath them.

“Fuck! I don’t think I’m ever recovering from that!” He exclaimed, cracking his knuckles and sighing. Rick laughed and rolled his eyes.

“At least you can walk, fascist.” He responded. “I can’t even move from the waist down!” He expelled in a groan and a laugh. 

“Did you like it?” Vyvyan asked, a tease in his intonation.

“Piss off.” Rick said back, rolling over in bed and facing the wall. Vyvyan tried to stifle a laugh as Rick did too. “Go be useful and get me some water.” He said, getting under the covers. Vyvyan walked over to him and ruffled his hair, and Rick couldn’t help leaning into the touch and sighing softly. 

“Fine. But I’m far from finished with you.” Vyvyan said, biting his lip and giving Rick’s hair a sharp tug. Just the idea of more of _ that  _ sent a throb through Rick’s body. He turned back around, watching Vyvyan put on pants and a pair of sweats. Even him putting on clothes was attractive. Fuck, that gorgeous bastard. Rick picked up his own, discarded boxers from the floor and sat up in bed, wincing, but slipping on his pants. He stood up, having to hold onto the bed post and stumbling a little, but walking over to Vyvyan. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“I decided there were other ways you could be useful.” Rick responded, wrapping his arms around Vyvyan’s waist and nuzzling into his bare back. “Mm, come back to bed. You’re warm.” He said, dancing his fingers up Vyvyan’s torso. He was more toned than Rick assumed he was; firm, but soft enough to embrace. He was surprised Vyvyan even let him embrace him- he really didn’t seem the type, but Rick could barely stand to keep his hands off of him. Vyvyan hummed at Rick’s touches, holding onto his hands and brushing his thumb over his knuckles. 

“I will go back to bed. After I grab us somethin’ to drink, cos I know I’m bloody well parched.” He said, taking Rick’s hands off of him and heading for the door. He put his hand on the doorknob, then turned back around, about to say something, maybe some fruitless remark, but Rick’s lips were on him before he could. Pleasantly surprised, Vyvyan gripped onto the handle, then leaned against it for some support- Rick’s kisses made him weak at the knees. For a virgin (well, Vyvyan supposed he couldn’t say that anymore), he was a bloody great kisser. But as he leaned on the handle, it slipped out from under him, and with Rick’s weight against him, he couldn’t steady himself, and he fell over, the door wide open, and Rick falling down on top of him. Both were pink with blush and a little breathless, but they started laughing at the situation, until suddenly taken out of their moment by a series of applause. Rick and Vyvyan turned at the same time, looking at the other side of the hallway, where Mary and SPG cheered. Neil clapped politely and Mike was sat at a fold-out table, narrating everything. 

“At least we didn’t catch ‘em with their pants down! Rick and Vyvyan, the two technicians, the star-crossed lovers, the… Uh… Nevermind that. Red in the face and-“

“Mike!” Rick shouted. “What…?! I-!” He stammered, unsure of what to say. Instead, he said nothing, paralyzed and staring at the gang. Oh, God. What was the best birthday ever was very quickly turned into the worst. Were they out there the whole time?! How did they know they were in here?! Did they even know what they were doing?! Was it some sort of cruel joke?! “W-We  _ definitely _ were _ not _ \- doing anything!” Rick said, trying to cover. Each of the members of the Scumbag had a different expression, a way of showing they knew otherwise. 

“Ya got a rather substantial bruise on ya neck, boyo.” SPG ever so kindly pointed out. Rick flushed brighter and looked back down to Vyvyan, who was looking back up at him, just as confused, maybe not as terrified. He turned to the crew, who were watching the both of them expectantly. He smiled and Rick’s stomach dropped.

“Pretty boy’s not a virgin anymore!” He said, raising his arms in triumph. Rick nearly died of embarrassment as hoots and hollers filled the air once more.

“And we have confirmation from the other party! Rick ended up getting just what he wanted for his birthday: Manhood! But the question is, was it his, or Vyv’s?” Mike paused dramatically. “Which one of you took it up the bum?” In that moment, that’s when Rick really felt like he could die. He groaned, putting his head down on Vyvyan’s chest and covering his face with his hands. Vyvyan laughed and rubbed his back while some upbeat, celebratory song started up.

—

_ Neil drove up to the ship’s ladder, tying up the motorboat before starting his ascend back up to the ship. He climbed up and got to the edge, but when he peeked over the side, he found Jerzei, Mary, Mike and SPG waiting for him. He swallowed, then started to climb back down. Before he could get too far, Jerzei grabbed him by the vest, and he begrudgingly got back over the edge and onto the deck. He stood, face to face with Jerzei, before forcefully laughing. _

_ “W-What’s, like, goin’ on, guys?” He asked, trying to act oblivious. “Woah, who’s running the radio right now?” _

_ “We’ve got Mike’s mix on.” Jerzei said. He let go of Neil, trusting he’d stay put. “Delilah’s not your sister.” _

_ “What makes you say that, man? Like, of course she is.” He swallowed uncomfortably. “I couldn’t let Rick, y’know, do something with her.” Jerzei nodded. _

_ “Fair point, but her bein’ supposedly related to you isn’t the reason, is it now?” He crossed his arms, and Neil looked everywhere but at him. _

_ “I-I don’t know what you’re on about, C-Comrade Balowski.” Mary sighed. _

_ “Neil, you left your microphone on last night. During your show? When Rick came in to have a talk?” _

_ “Wait, you listen to my show?” _

_ “Your voice puts me to sleep.” Mary continued. “But then I heard Rick.” Neil went pale. _

_ “H-Hey, man, that wasn’t Rick. T-That was, one of my friends. He left last night, you must’ve missed it.” The looks the crew gave Neil told him he wasn’t being very convincing. “W-Well, if you knew, then, Mary, why didn’t you tell them before? Then we could’ve, like, avoided all the heaviness with the prostitute.” _

_ “Well I couldn’t exactly predict that it was gonna turn out like that!” She justified. “Either way, they know now.” She gestured to the crew behind her. Neil looked expectantly at the others. Jerzei shrugged. _

_ “I figured Rick was a homosexual. I just didn’t really think Vyv was.” Mike nodded in agreement with Jerzei. _

_ “Yea, Vyv’s a poof.” SPG said. Jerzei turned to him. _

_ “Y’sure?” _

_ “Aye. Queerer than a three sleeved sweater.” Jerzei put out his lip and nodded. _

_ “I suppose I can see that.” Jerzei said. Mike sighed. _

_ “Look, this is all very nice and all, but I promised my listeners a live broadcast of Rick losing his virginity.” He said, finally speaking up. “So, we’re all agreement that Rick and Vyv bumpin’ uglies is okay, yeah?” _

_ “Yeah.” The rest of the crew said in unison. _

_ “Okay. Good.” He put his hands on his hips. “Now what am I gonna do about my broadcast?” The deck fell into a silence. _

_ “W-Well, I told Rick to talk to Vyv. They’re probably making up right now, or something.” Neil said quietly, staring at his feet. Everyone else looked at each other expectantly, each with a different reaction. They all took a breath and started talking at once. _

_ “No, no, that’s my nephew!” Jerzei started. _

_ “It’s my broadcast! Do you know how many listeners we’re getting because of this?!” Mike retorted. _

_ “No. We don’t have the equipment to know.” Mary said. _

_ “But, aye, look, we’ve obviously got a drama building up with this. People’ll talk about it, and that’ll attract more ears to the channel.” SPG justified. _

_ “My nephew!” Jerzei kept saying. _

_ “It’s sexy! Radio pornography!” Mike raised his voice. “Or have you lost the spirit of pushin’ the envelope?” Jerzei took another breath, but backed off. Mike kept going. “This is what pirate radio is all about. It’s about rebellion! Anarchy on the high seas! And, by god!” He slammed his fist on the balcony of the ship. “We owe it to our listeners! They’re breaking the law! They’re listening to us!” All eyes were on Mike. “Y’know, there’s a saying I heard once. ‘If you commit one sin, you go to hell. Commit one thousand, you go as a legend.’” He paused dramatically. “Let’s be legends, boys.” SPG clapped slowly. _

_ “You’re still talking about broadcasting my nephew and my godson committing sodomy!” _

_ “Oh, live a little, Jerzei! It’s not like we all haven’t had a few rounds of sodomy in our youth!” _

_ “I haven’t!” Jerzei argued. Jerzei looked around at the rest of the crew, all of them ducking their eyes away from him when he faced their direction. “And you have?!” He got a few shrugs. _

_ “I mean, yeah.” Neil said. The rest of the group nodded. _

_ “Found I liked it more.” Mary said, matter-of-fact. _

_ “It was alright. Prefer myself more on top, though.” SPG added.  _

_ “You couldn’t top if you tried. You reek of a goddamned bottom. Smell like one too.” Mike jibed. The gang shared a laugh, save for Jerzei. _

_ “You’re all mad!” Jerzei said. He balled his fists, putting them against his head, then slowly let out a breath of exasperation. “Y’know what? Fine. Fine! If you wanna broadcast it, fine!” He received looks of glee. “But!” Then, disappointed sighs. “No broadcasting the, ahem, act. You can get ‘em walkin’ out the door, or whatever. But if I hear one moan on air, then, then! Then you’ll have to play chicken!” Neil gasped and nearly fainted. “Yeah! I’m fuckin’ serious about it!” He sighed, then started to make his way to his quarters. “Perverts!” He shouted. Neither of them said anything until they heard the door of the bunker shut, then turned to each other, all mischievous smiles. _

_ “I’m gonna get the portable!” Mike said before running off to the dining hall, nearly kicking his heels in glee. This was definitely something to go down in radio history. _

—

Minutes after the single-most mortifying experience of his life, Rick was back in bed with Vyvyan, resting his head on his chest with his eyes closed. They were up on Vyvyan’s bed, preferring to rest under a semi-clean duvet than the one saturated in sex. Rick was still exhausted from it, and just really needed the time to recuperate. He was thankful Vyvyan was staying with him through it, running his hand through his hair, twisting his plaits and soothing him. Rick suddenly laughed softly.

“Do they do that every time somebody has sex on the boat?” He asked, keeping his eyes closed. He felt Vyvyan shrug.

“I think it’s a special thing for big, girly virgins only.” He teased, pulling at Rick’s ear. Rick swatted his chest.

“I can’t believe I’m not a virgin anymore.” He sighed happily, nuzzling a little closer into Vyvyan. “Guess I know it all, now.” Vyvyan laughed.

“Far from it, pretty boy.” He teased. “Don’t you worry, there’s still lots more to show you. And do to you.” He kissed the top of Rick’s head as he blushed profusely. There was a stretch of silence between them until Rick broke it. 

“What was your first time like?”

“What?”

“I mean, you know how my first time was, so…“ Vyvyan thought for a moment.

“Sweaty.” Neither said anything until Rick was sure Vyvyan wasn’t going to continue.

“Vyvyan, it couldn’t have been just-“

“Rick, don’t ruin the moment.” He said, trying to ignore Rick talking. It was just the noise that he wasn’t fond of, when it came to Rick. 

Well, he supposed that wasn’t necessarily true. He just didn’t like Rick asking questions about  _ him _ . He preferred to know more about Rick than vice versa, and he learned Rick did like to talk, which made it much easier. He could distract him into talking about himself and keeping the conversation on Rick instead of him. He knew where Rick grew up (Stickford, moved to London), how Rick grew up (rich), what kind of school he went to (private primary, boarding secondary), his hobbies (anything to do with destroying the government, apparently. And making buttons. He did that sometimes too). 

On a level, he felt bad Rick didn’t know much about him, but it was for the best. It was easier to protect himself if nobody knew nor cared about him. He learned long ago, far sooner than he had to, that he needed to keep his cards close to his chest if he didn’t want to get hurt. Being in a “thing” with Rick might fuck that up. He didn’t know what to call it, at this point. There were definitely feelings there. He felt attached, maybe even protective of him, if the word didn’t make him want to puke, and was definitely into whatever this was, but, it felt committal. He had never been in a real, honest-to-goodness relationship before. At least Rick was here to face it with him.

Vyvyan swallowed and looked down at him, who now had on quite a pout. He tutted and slid down a little more, laying down on the pillow and pulling the duvet up to Rick’s chin and wrapping his arm around him a little tighter, holding him close. 

“Don’t be a girl about it.” He said, more soft than he meant to sound, but it made Rick’s pout go away. He put his hand back in Rick’s hair and closed his eyes, seeing if he could rest after their pounding workout. 

“I can’t sleep.” Rick said after about five minutes.

“Try harder.” Vyvyan responded. Rick sighed, then leaned over the side of the bunk bed, going so far he only held himself up by his waist. “Where are you going?” Vyvyan said, a little exasperated.

“Getting your glasses!” Rick said back, grabbing them off the bedside table and scooting himself up and handing them to Vyvyan. “Read me something.” He said, looking up at him with a hopeful glint in his eyes. 

“What am I, your mum? No.” Vyvyan said, giving Rick his glasses and rolling over. 

“Vyvyan, please.” Rick whined, drawing out the last word. Vyvyan pulled the covers over him tighter.

“No.” He felt Rick scoot up behind him, draping his arm over him and pressing his hips up against his bum.

“I’ll make it worth your while.” He tried to dangle, seeing what could boost his chances. Vyvyan grumbled, pulling out a book from in-between the bed frame and his mattress and throwing it back to Rick. He picked it up and read the title with disgust. “The Bell Jar? Vyvyan, this is so sad! C’mon, you’ve got to have something that won’t make me want to kill myself.”

“If you keep talking I might have to throw myself out the window and drown.” 

“You would just immediately drown, then?” Rick spat back.

“Yeah. I can’t swim. Instant death.”

“You can’t-? Why are you on a boat if-?” Rick scoffed and shook his head. “Well, far out. That’s really nice, Vyvyan.” Rick turned around, putting his back to Vyvyan and sulking. At first, that was fine with Vyvyan, but guilt started to ball up in his gut. He sighed, grabbing another book from his mattress/personal library, one much thicker than the previous, then taking his glasses from Rick’s hand, sitting up and putting them on. He cleared his throat begrudgingly. 

“Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R Tolkien.” He started. Rick quickly turned back around, nuzzling back up to Vyvyan’s chest, putting his arm around him and looking up at him eagerly. “You tell any of the crew I own this, and I’ll kill you.” Rick responded by draping his leg over him and giving him a small squeeze. Vyvyan sighed. Just sleeping with him was already starting to turn him into a girly bastard. He flipped open the book and took a breath. “This is the preface, so it’s important.” He paused. “Three rings for the elven-kings under the sky, seven for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, nine for the mortal men doomed to die, one for the dark lord on his dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. One ring to rule them all-“

“Vyvyan, this sounds like a book for squares.”

“Exactly why I picked it to read to you.” He eyed Rick, then went back to the book. “One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them-“

“What’s with all the rings? Are you trying to tell me something?” Rick giggled and bit his lip. “My goodness, I think it’s a little early to ask for my hand in marriage-“ Vyvyan hit him with the book.

“Keep talking and the only ring you’ll ever see is the one in this book when I smash your head through it.”

“But Vyvyan-“

“Shut up or I’m not reading to you.” Rick sighed, but kept his mouth closed. Vyvyan opened the book again and finally got through the preface. Then chapter one. He didn’t notice Rick was asleep until he was halfway through chapter two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh this is just. pure fluff. t b h. you all remember a few chapters back when i said i was gonna try to make the boys less cavity-inducingly sweet? i lied  
> (vyv's a big nerd and likes tolkien shh)
> 
> also!!! i got fanart this week which really !!!!!!! made my heart do a !!  
> http://aquant.tumblr.com/post/142184605192/rick-is-gay-af-another-drawing-based-off-of (this link is NSFW)  
> http://smallsteak.tumblr.com/post/142217394184/transboyvyvyan-aaaaaaaa-this-is-the-kinda-ok
> 
> thank you aquant and smallsteak !!!!!! <3


	11. Death to the Radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew's July-August aboard the Scumbag. Time flies on a ship that never stops.

Scumbag Radio. That was a name that meant something, especially to the young adults of England. _“From the city to the country, we keep it funky”_ \- that was the motto. Well, that, and _“Смерть радио”_ , which was Russian for something, and thoroughly argued about among fans.

The fans- that’s what kept the Scumbag running in the first place. That and advertising. Just a little plug here and there kept them afloat, and kept their wallets lined. Overall, life was good for the crew. And the listeners.

Every day, whenever they could, teenagers tuned into the radio, letting a rebellion break out inside them. They danced and sung to rock and roll, trying to keep quiet when their parents were around, but sacrificing anything to not listen to another beat of the bloody awful jazz and classical music the BBC kept pumping through the air. Some of it was tolerable, but nothing beat the sweet soul and power behind rock. It was empowering, blood-pumping, adrenaline-producing, full music. Real music. This was something they’d tell their kids about, or not. It was their dirty little secret, and meant for them. That was the real draw behind it all- for the first time ever, the kids had something that was really for them, and only them. A club with a large, very plain “No adults allowed” sign hanging from the door. It was a secret love affair, and maybe that’s why the kids also grabbed ahold of the secret, outlawed romance happening aboard the Scumbag.

It all started during a peculiar incident during Jerzei’s radio show. It was a quarter until eight, and things were running smoothly, until the music suddenly stopped. Listeners held their breath- was the Parliament finally onto them? Was this the end of the Scumbag? Fortunately, no.

“Pardon me, little English peoples. Our technicians are being real anticommunists! Your friend Jerzei must solve this the Russian way. SPG will cover from here. Goodbye, comrades!” It sounded rushed and not formal whatsoever, which was a striking contradiction to what Jerzei's radio show usually was. He switched on a Soviet marching anthem and threw off his headphones. “Rick! Vyvyan!” He shouted in the booth before opening the door. The microphone didn’t pick up the profanity they spoke, but it certainly picked up Jerzei shouting. Listeners all over Britain launched into a frenzy. Who were Rick and Vyvyan? What had they done? What sort of shenanigans were happening between them on the Scumbag? It was a mystery, and listeners wanted to solve it. Or, at least, know more about them. They hadn’t heard them before on the broadcast- sounded like they didn’t even have a show. As far as they knew, the only people on board the Scumbag were Jerzei, SPG, Mike, Mary (she filled in when someone was sick, every once in awhile) and Neil. Who else did they not know about?

And then came the fateful night (rather, early morning) on Neil’s broadcast. More listened to his show than the crew of the Scumbag would suggest. Sure, it was on at the dead hours, but people still tuned in. It wasn’t surprising Neil accidentally left his microphone on- that happened a lot. But when a second voice joined him, kids all over England put their ears to their radios. They finally got a voice to a name, and a very juicy story. A boy, in love with another boy?! Unheard of, and so very enticing. Much like how a fly is drawn to honey, the kids kept their ears to their radios, eager to hear of any upcoming news with Rick and Vyvyan. Friends rang each other up, kids talked at school about it in hushed tones, all with varying opinions. Some thought it was far from tasteful, letting  _poofs_ on the air. Most just wanted to hear all the drama about it. A small percentage of the kids assumed Vyvyan was a girl- Vyvyan was a girl’s name, after all.

When the drama was live broadcasted on Rick’s birthday, that’s when all hell broke loose. Friends called, rambling on the phone and holding the receiver to the radio for the other friend to listen. Enemies bragged about being able to listen to it to each other. No matter their opinion on homosexuals, everybody tuned into the unfolding drama. It was tense, and Mike’s cool voice narrating everything was in such a juxtaposition to what the audience, Neil, Rick and Vyvyan were feeling, it was almost infuriating.

Mike was right. It was definitely something to go down in radio history when Rick lost his virginity. Some listeners vowed to never tune into it again. Many started listening to it because of that. Others held each other and screamed in delight. Quite a few kissed and made out with their respective partners. Love was in the air, and while July was a weird time for it to be there, it was a good excuse for the kids.

Rock and roll. Teenage love. Rambunctious behavior. The British Parliament did not like any of this one bit. Of course they had knowledge of pirate radio stations, the nuisances. Special committees were formed to try to find loopholes to cut them off. Unfortunately, there really wasn’t anything saying it was illegal to be broadcasting rock and roll according to maritime law, which frustrated many of the members. But by god, they were determined. 1966 was going to be the year rock and roll would die for good, and Parliament was going to make sure of it.

* * *

“It is a beautiful day on the Scumbag! We have got our flags hanging high, our spirits up- something is in the water, kiddies, and it is not the salt!” Jerzei started, speaking in his usual, bad Russian accent for his radio character. “We’ve got mood music for you! Sunny Afternoon, by the Kinks.” Jerzei continued, putting the needle on the record and leaning back.

* * *

  _July 5, 1966_

 _Mary was very patriotic today (well, yesterday, rather). Typical American, I suppose! Apparently yesterday was their independence day, which Daddy was never fond of. He’s a jingoist at heart. At least it was a good excuse to have a wild party! My god, I have never seen so many gay people in one place before. Mary invited_ all of them _to the party. Apparently all of her friends are some flavor of homosexual. But Jerzei brought some of his friends aboard too, who mainly just got in fights and yelled at some of the Americans for making them lose the Revolutionary War. But it was in the 1700s!!! Come on!!_

_Neil complained about the barbecue someone brought, so Mike ran it and tried to hit on the girls (he had the worst luck- he only hit on the lesbians). Someone else brought fireworks! Americans sure are wild! SPG was on fire duty (but I don't think he was paying attention much. Thankfully the ship didn’t burn down.), and Jerzei was on radio. He refused to play the American national anthem, which was pretty funny when someone threw a bottle at him._

_Vyvyan- well, it wouldn’t be Vyvyan if he wasn’t getting into some trouble. He got absolutely smashed, which was hilarious! He was singing along to everything Jerzei put on and dancing wildly with me and he just seemed to be having a good time. I decided to keep a clear head- didn’t want anybody falling over the side of the ship, or anything. Besides, I got to experience Vyvyan being affectionate, and I would hate to forget that. He’s adorable when he’s drunk (he’d kill me if he ever read that). We sat on the upper deck, laying back and watching fireworks go off. He actually held onto me, putting his head on my chest. He also starting hitting me in the face with his sweater sleeve, which was worth it to see him laugh. It’s like sunshine, when he laughs. He sort of got on top of me at one point (or tried to) and started rubbing his cheek against mine, talking nonsense into the crook of my neck. A lot of it I didn’t catch, but he would occasionally lift his head up, smile, sometimes kiss me, sometimes swat at me with his sweater sleeve, then go back to mumbling. I’ve got stubble burns on my face now, but I wouldn’t give them up for the world. I’ll make him shave when he wakes up._

_I have to say though, I was a little disappointed when he stood up, grabbed me by my belt loops and started grinding against me and having a snog. I was expecting a fabulous shag, so I took him to bed, sat him down on mine, and while I was giving him what I thought was a very good strip tease, he fell asleep!!! Bastard!! But he was pretty drunk, so I don’t think neither of us would be into it. He’ll owe me in the morning._

_It’s enough just to hold him through the night._

_Rick, xoxoxoxo_

* * *

 “SPG!” Vyvyan shouted. SPG had just walked into the dining hall and now stared at Vyvyan, startled, but giving him a smirk. Vyvyan looked like he was plotting something, his feet up on the table and a similar smile on his face.

“Fook ya want?” SPG responded, pretending to be more pissed off than he was, but it was hard to act through the grin on his face.

“I’ve made you a present, pissface.” Vyvyan said, taking out a crudely wrapped something from the chair next to him and putting it on the table. It was one of the only times this week Rick wasn’t next to him, but he didn’t mind it too much- this was for him and his mate to enjoy. SPG walked over to it.

“Ya gonna have’ta open it up for me.” He said, waving his gloved hand limply in the air, letting it fall back on his wrist with an unattractive squelch. Vyvyan tried to hide his smile as he opened it up and showed it to SPG

“It doesn’t work, or anythin’, but, y’know, doesn’t smell like my great grandmother.” Vyvyan said. SPG took it with his other hand, inspecting the wooden hand, rotating it around and giving it a thorough examination. It was very well crafted- a leather gauntlet was just under the hand, so he could tie it to his arm and not have to tape it on anymore. The hand itself was basic, but it looked like an actual hand. Crude, but far better than the glove.

“What’s yer great grandma smell like?”

“She’s dead.” SPG set the new hand on the table and promptly ripped off the glove, throwing it at Vyvyan, who threw it back at SPG. They launched into a morbid game of hot potato with SPG’s glove full of raw meat, which was their own ways of giving the other gratitude and the other brushing it off. It was their own “thanks” and “you’re welcome”, but neither would ever say those words to each other in their lives. It was easier for SPG to slap Vyvyan with the glove and Vyvyan throw chunks of meat at SPG.

* * *

  _July 19, 1966_

_I’m investing in a lock for this bloody thing! Vyvyan keeps reading it!!!! He’s probably reading this entry too!!! VYVYAN, YOU FASCIST!!!! You’re worse than Tsar Nicholas the II, you are! You probably don’t even know who that is, cos you’re that much of a fascist!* Stop reading my journal!!!!!_

_…_

_Okay, hopefully he’s stopped reading by now. If he is still reading, he is most certainly still a fascist!!! He’s lucky he’s a bloody good shag, that’s for sure!**_

_Anyway, Mummy’s coming to visit soon. I’m a little nervous for her to come by- I think… Alright, well, I haven’t made any decisions about university, and she doesn’t know that. Well, I mean, I have made a decision. I’m just not sure if it’s the one she wants to hear. But if I’ve learned anything on this boat,*** it’s that I’ve got to be brave sometimes. It’s hard, but that’s what makes you courageous. Wish me luck!_

_Rick, xoxoxo_

_-_

_VYVYAN’S NOTES_

_*I DO KNOW WHO TSAR NICHOLAS THE II IS. YOU TALK ABOUT HIM ALL THE BLOODY TIME AND IM STARTING TO THINK YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM UP THE ARSE MORE THAN ME. GOOD THING HE’S DEAD_

_**CORRECTION: IM THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS BOAT WHO_ WILL _SHAG YOU. YOUR WELCOME_

_***YOU ALSO LEARNED HOW BIG OF A POOF YOU ARE_

_-_

_Rick’s very eloquent responses to Vyvyan’s rude and uncalled for notes:_

_Learn how to use the apostrophe, Vyvyan. “I’m” is a split of “I” and “am”._

_It’s “you’re welcome”, not “your”. “Your” is possessive. For example:_

_YOU’RE THE BIGGER POOF_

_-_

_WHOS THE 1 WHO TAKES IT UP THE BUM_

_-_

_SHUT UP VYVYAN_

_-_

_MAKE ME_

_-_

Vyvyan threw the journal back at Rick, who read it, kissed him senseless, and made him shut up.

* * *

 “Of _course_ lesbians can’t get pregnant.” Rick tutted, passing the blunt on. Him, Neil, Mike and Vyvyan decided to share some weed- Neil’s attempt to rid himself of it wasn’t very successful, so instead, the four of them sat on the top deck, enjoying the afternoon and getting stoned. They found, surprisingly, that their quartet got along quite nicely. If they fit his age a little better, Rick could imagine them as housemates, maybe. Then again, he really didn’t know Mike or Neil’s age- they very well could’ve been college age. Or not. He wasn’t thinking about that much now. Vyvyan took a deep puff of the blunt.

“You’re bein' stupid.” He said. “They got all the same gear!” He took another drag, then gave it to Mike.

“But, like, why would a lesbian sleep with a man? Rick’s right, man. Lesbians can’t get pregnant.” Neil said. Rick gave a very triumphant smirk.

“You’re lookin’ at this all… Not right.” Vyvyan said, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “You’re sayin’ they can’t get pregnant. They can! If they slept with a man, they can get pregnant! But, cos they’re lesbians, they don’t want to sleep with men. So, they _can_ get pregnant, they just _won’t_.” Mike made a smoke ring with his puff.

“I think a lesbian made me pregnant, once.” Mike said, laying on his back and taking another drag. They dropped the conversation.

* * *

 Rick didn’t notice Vyvyan standing in the open doorway for a very long time. How could he have? He was blasting Neil’s pirated “The Golden Hits of the Four Seasons” record and dancing around the bedroom, and he thought he shut the door very tight. It didn’t make it any better he decided to to put on some of Vyvyan’s clothes- they were much more snug on him then he assumed they’d be, but, on some level, they made him feel really, really sexy. Just a plain, white shirt and jeans with holes in the knees shouldn’t have been sexy, but fuck, they were _Vyvyan’s._ They smelled like him, and just remembering how well they nipped him in all the right places was too good. He only realized the very object of his infatuation was leaning against the frame, watching with his arms crossed as he turned to him. He gave Rick a look before striding over to him, shutting the door with his foot and hooking his fingers into Rick’s- well, his, belt loops. Rick was profusely red, but completely speechless, embarrassed and trying to formulate some excuse.

“This isn’t allowed.” Vyvyan said, his voice in the same tone it always was when he was brimming with arousal. Rick flushed brighter.

“What isn’t?” He asked, trying to not sound so jittery.

“Looking better in my clothes than I do.” That was all Vyvyan said before kissing him deep and rolling his hips against Rick’s.

When they laid in bed, both stripped bare of Vyvyan’s clothes and completely exhausted, Rick knew he would never be able to listen to “Walk Like a Man” again without having very vivid, deliciously dirty flashbacks.

* * *

“Y’know wot I never got?” SPG idly asked. Vyvyan, Rick, Jerzei and Mary were all having a breakfast of lentils mixed into Neil’s attempt at poached eggs. It wasn’t the worse thing they’d ever had, but it was a sorry excuse for breakfast.

“What?” Vyvyan responded. Usually he was the only one to entertain SPG and his rambling thoughts. Rick scooped another spoonful of lentils and eggs into his mouth.

“Tha’ brainteaser.” He started. “Tha ‘Which is ‘eavier, a kilogramme a steel or a kilogramme a feathers’. It’s no’ a teaser! Steel is ‘eavier than feathers!” Slowly, unsurely, the other four raised their heads from their bowls to look over at SPG, dumbstruck.

“Lad,” Jerzei started. “They’re both a kilogramme.”

“But steel’s ‘eavier than feathers!” SPG scoffed.

“I know.” Jerzei said. “But they’re both a kilogramme.” SPG looked at Jerzei as he just spat in his face. He turned to Rick, who was avoiding his eyes, along with Vyvyan and Mary.

“But… Steel’s ‘eavier.” He said like the wind was taken out of him. Desperately, he turned to his friend. “Tell ‘em, Vyv!” Vyvyan swallowed uncomfortably.

“Jerzei’s right.” He responded, staring at his bowl. Neil walked into the room and immediately shivered.

“Woah, guys, what’s with all the bad vibes?” He said, sincerely confused.

“Steel’s ‘eavier than feathers.” SPG said quietly.

* * *

  _August 1, 1966_

_Mummy came aboard today. I think overall it went well._

She looked different, out at sea. More casual. More, motherly, maybe. That might’ve been because of the severe lack of a mother figure in his life for the past two months, but Rick had always been a mommy’s boy. He helped her up the ladder and she gave him a kiss on the cheek before putting a hand on his shoulder and smiling at him.

“You’ve gotten taller since you left.” She said, in only a tone a mother could have; the slight remorse of having her child gone, but the relief that they’re possibly finding a place in the world. Rick looked down at his shoes bashfully.

“No I haven’t.” He said. They gave each other the same look- his father always said he had his mother’s smile. That reminded him. “Where’s dad?” His mother swallowed, giving him a slightly uneasy glance.

“Why don’t you escort Mummy inside? It’s quite windy out here.” She said. Rick quickly snapped.

“Where have my manners gone!” He exclaimed, quickly taking her arm and guiding her to the bunker. “Honestly! I’m sorry, Mummy. We can go down to the dining hall, and have some lunch? It’s, well, we always have lentils. I might… I’d have to check, but we might have something canned? It’s nothing too glamorous, I’m afraid-” Rick’s mom tutted and stopped him.

“Don't you worry about that, dear. I'm here to see my favorite son, not to judge the food.” Rick smiled at her, biting his tongue at the compliment, but brushing it off and opening the door down to the cabins.

_It was really nice to see her again! She didn’t eat anything, but I don’t blame her. The lentils are never very good._

She watched as Rick took a bite of his own, mushy, soupy lentils. After a few moments of a comfortable silence, she put her hand on his.

“You’re really growing into a fine young man, Rick.” She said softly. Rick looked back to her and got pink with blush.

“I don’t think you’d be saying that if you were on the ship with us.” He teased. “It’s pretty potty.” His mother laughed.

“I suppose that’s to be expected.” She said. “What sort of decadence are you boys getting up to?” Rick put his spoon down and sat back.

“Where do I start!” He joked. “Well, it’s not just boys, here. There’s a lady, Mary? She’s very sweet, and very American, but, she’s, well-” He looked at the door, as if expecting her to come in at any moment. “A homosexual.” He whispered. His mother tried to stifle a laugh.

“I know Mary, dear. I introduced her to Jerzei. He needed someone to run maintenance, and-”

“You _know_ Mary?” Rick gasped. “Mummy, she’s… She… How do you know her?”

“Never mind that, sweetheart.” She thought for a moment. “Who’s your best friend on the ship?” She asked. Rick smiled- it was like being back at school again; she’d always pick him up at the front gate and ask about his day, who his friends were, what his classes were like. He never exactly had a response to the friend question, but at least he did now.

“Well… See, it isn’t exactly a friend, per-se.” He said, awkwardly toying with his spoon. “Do you know Vyvyan?” His mother’s eyes brightened.

“I don’t know Vyvyan! What a lovely name- I didn’t know there was another girl on the ship! Is she cute? Oh, Rick! Did you get a girlfriend? She must be wonderful, if my little boy picked her out! Tell me all about her!” She said, holding his hand. He gave her an uneasy smile and laughed awkwardly. What could he say? _By the way Mum, I’ve become utterly moonstruck for a lunatic boy that’s been shagging me blind for the past week?_ He swallowed.

“S-She, ah, she is definitely lovely.” He said. Good god, lovely was the last word he’d ever use to describe Vyvyan. He’d probably kick his teeth in if he heard him call him that. Stupidly attractive? A mind-numbingly great snog? Gorgeous bastard? He wasn’t sure if those were any words his mother would like to hear about his “girlfriend”. “She’s, well, she’s very smart. She’s studying to become a doctor.” He said, at a loss for anything else to say.

“Not a nurse?” His mother responded. Rick shook his head.

“No, that’s not really hi- her, style.” He said. “She’s good with her hands.” His mother gave him a hard look before he blushed red and tried to take back what he said. “N-Not like that! I-I mean, she, she does repairs, on the radio, sometimes. Like, if something’s wrong, Jerzei gets Vyv and h- she can fix it up.” He said, nodding, hoping his mother didn’t pick up on his mix-ups. It didn’t look like she had- she just kept smiling. He felt tense. “She’s, very pretty.” He said. Vyvyan would have pounded him into the ground if he had been listening. “She’s ginger, a-and she wears glasses. It’s really cute, actually.” He said, giggling a little. “She’s tall, too. Taller than me. But I like it.” He said, smiling down at his bowl of lentils.

“Sounds like you like her a lot.” His mother responded. Rick couldn’t help his grin.

“I do. I really do.” He said. He fidgeted in his chair. “Mum, I wanted to talk to you a little more about spending the summer here, on the boat.” He started. “I think… I think I want to spend a little more time here.” His mother was a little taken aback.

_It was when I mentioned stayed onboard the ship longer  that she got a little… Surprised._

“What about university? Aren’t you all signed up for Manchester?” Rick pursed his lips and shook his head at the bowl in front of him.

“I-... I couldn’t… I didn’t feel prepared, for college. I just, I don’t know what it’s gonna offer me. I want more time to figure it out.”

“Rick, you got good marks on all your exams. Surely that’s prepared you enough.” Rick’s shoulders sagged.

“But, Mum, I- I can’t just go to university. I haven’t… How can I go to university when I don’t even know myself?” He said. His mother sighed.

“Rick, of course you know yourself. You’re going to go to University of Manchester, and become a sociologist, and make Mummy and Daddy very proud. Is this about Vyvyan? Rick, if you’re staying on the ship because of her-”

“It’s not about Vyvyan, Mum! It’s- I just… I like it here, on the ship. I like the people here. I like feeling like I’m part of something.” They kept in silence. His mother sat back in her chair while Rick kept staring down at his lentils. The door of the dining hall suddenly flew open.

_Oh, god, and when Vyvyan showed up!_

“Rick! Get your arse... To…” Vyvyan swallowed as he looked over to Rick, next to a woman he had never seen before. The atmosphere was tense, and he immediately felt awkward. He tugged at the collar of his sweater. “I-... Sorry, I’ll get SPG, or, something.” He said, starting to leave the room. The woman turned up to him.

“It’s okay, dear. I’m Rick’s mother.” She said. She walked over to him and held out her hand.

“Oh! How do you do, Mrs…?” Vyvyan struggled to remember Rick’s last name as he took her hand and shook it.

“Bryant. Ms. Bryant. And you are?”

“Vyvyan Basterd.” Her eyes widened as she looked over to Rick.

“This is Vyvyan?!”

“Since when were you Ms. Bryant, Mum?!” Vyvyan immediately let go of her hand.

“Okay, I’m gonna go-”

“No!” Rick and his mother said in unison. They turned to each other, unsure of what to say. Rick’s mother turned to Vyvyan.

“Rick told me he really liked a _girl_ named Vyvyan!”

“I never said he was a girl! You assumed he was and I…” Rick trailed off

“And you let me believe it!”

“I couldn’t exactly tell you I’m dating a boy!”

“I’m your mother, Richard!” As they fought, Vyvyan inched closer and closer to the door, desperately wanting to get away from the situation.

“Well, Mum, how come you didn’t tell me you started going by your maiden name, then?” Rick said, losing a little bit of his fire, trying to get to a level of talking instead of arguing.

“I think you, you, doing _something,_ with _him_ is a little more important than that!” She said, pointing to the horribly uncomfortable Vyvyan, frozen and almost as red as his sweater.

“Mum!”

“Um, Ms. Bryant,” Vyvyan said, wanting to settle the tension. “R-Rick is a very nice young man, a-and-”

“Ah-!” Rick’s mother interrupted him, but didn’t quite know what to say. What’s a mother to do? She sighed, sitting back down and rubbing her temples. “Okay. Thank you, Vyvyan. I like to think I raised him right.” She said half heartedly. Rick sat back down as well, unsure of what to do. “I guess it really does run in the family.” She continued. Rick looked at her, confused.

_But… Well, I told her about Vyvyan, and then I learned something about her._

“W-What do you mean, Mummy?” She laughed, out of exasperation more than anything, then reached a hand out for Rick. Rick took it, and she patted the top of it.

“I… Your father and I are getting a divorce.”

“What?!”

“Oh, shit!” Vyvyan gasped. Both of them turned to him. Thoroughly embarrassed, Vyvyan ran out of the dining hall, leaving Rick and his mother alone. Neither said anything for a while, unsure of what to say, exactly. After the silence stretched far too long for either one of them, his mother finally spoke up.

“Sweetheart, Daddy and I just aren’t in love anymore. He was very civil about it. It wasn’t anything horrible, we just, came to the mutual agreement.” She said, giving Rick’s hand a squeeze. Rick said nothing. “It isn’t because of you. This is Mummy and Daddy’s.” Rick really wished she wouldn’t talk to him like a child, but that’s how she always was, and he wasn’t about to go against his own mother.

“I still don’t understand what you mean. What runs in the family?” She gave him a mirthless chuckle.

“Well, darling, ah… Mary and I, we… Mary and I have been, seeing each other on and off for quite some time. Your father knew about it, but, it was important to keep up appearances. So, I married him, saw Mary on the side, we-” She laughed. “We had quite a trio for a while. But after you were born… Daddy and Mummy stuck to raising you. But, now, it’s just going to be me and Mary.”

“Y-You and Mary are…?”

“We’re lovers, dear.” She paused. “I’m not horribly surprised you’re, inclined differently. Just like Mummy.” She gave his hand another squeeze before letting go and sitting back. Rick stared down at his cold lentils.

_So that was a bit of a shock, to say the very least._

“I can’t believe you and Daddy are getting a divorce.” He said. The word sounded so lifeless on his tongue, as if just saying it carried the sentence. He swallowed. “You just… You always seemed so happy.” His mother nodded.

“We’re better friends than we are husband and wife.” She said. Rick looked down at her hand. Her wedding band wasn’t on anymore, but there was a pale circle around her finger, the remnants from being worn for so many years, off-color from the rest of her skin.

“Are you still talking?” She smiled and nodded.

“Yes. But I think it’ll be a while before either of us can… Move on, I think. It’s different. You live with someone so long and sleep in the same bed with them, wake up with them, do everything with them, and then…” She trailed off. “I imagine it’s probably the opposite of what you’re feeling with Vyvyan.” She said, giving him a knowing smile only a mother could. Rick blushed.

“Sorry about him. He can be a little abrasive, but, he’s… He treats me right.” He said. Not well, but right. Rick felt right with Vyvyan.

“I’m glad, sweetheart.” She said, giving him a smile. She laughed. “Brave new world, I suppose.” She continued. Rick smiled back at her, laughing, to which she laughed back. Both of them kept laughing, more or less an explosion of nerves. She sighed when they finished, giving him a sadder look. “You really want to stay on the ship?” She asked, a little remorseful- she was looking forward to having her son come back to home, but she could understand it. Young love was a funny thing, but he was an adult now, anyway. He could be his own man now, but watching the bird leave the nest was always a hard thing to do.

“I want to stay.” Rick nodded and she felt a little part of her wither on the inside, but politely smiled back.

“Alright, dear.”

“Alright?”

“You’re not a boy anymore, Richard. These decisions you can make for yourself.” She laughed softly. “I’ll miss you. But I understand.” She let go of his hand and sighed. They sat in silence, both of them taking the information in.

“I love you, Mum.” Rick finally said. She smiled.

“I love you too.” She responded.

_But in the famous words of Shakespeare, all’s well that ends well. Y’know, I really never got that? Is it saying everything that ends well is going to be well? If so, that’s rather redundant, isn’t it? It’s shortsighted on Will’s part. I for one..._

The rest of the time went well- a little more superficial than the rest of their conversation, but fine. She insisted on meeting Vyvyan more, so Rick brought him, but had to berate him a little for leaving them and swearing in front of his mother. But it was very cute, watching Vyvyan interacting with his mother. Vyvyan would definitely throw him over the side of the boat for saying so, but it was. He was awkward, at first, but loosened up at the conversation continued. And then it all went to hell when his mother started to talk about Rick when he was a child. Then got her purse and promptly pulled out a stack of baby photos. Why she kept baby photos of him, Rick had no idea, but he was on the brink of death by mortification as they flipped through the stack, his mother describing each story behind the photos and Vyvyan laughing louder with each memory. At one point, Mary came into the dining hall, and then the four of them talked, more heart to heart. And then it was back to the baby photos.

Eventually, Rick managed to pry them apart from his disgustingly embarrassing childhood, and his mother decided it was time for her to leave, anyway. What Rick hadn’t realized was that Mary was leaving as well. She had her bags up on deck, and she had been showing Rick and Vyvyan how to run maintenance anyway. The Scumbag was in good hands.

“Besides,” She started. “We never move. There’s really no way the ship could ever need much help.” She assured.

They said their goodbyes, but it wasn’t until Mary and his mother jetted off in the motorboat that Rick saw Vyvyan holding something in his hand. He held it up to see- a picture of a two year old Rick, at his birthday, crying, cake in his hair as his very nervous father stood in the background, trying to comfort him.

“Blackmail.” Vyvyan said with a smile. Rick fumed. Maybe he should’ve gone home with his mother.

* * *

 Neil took a textbook covered in dust off of the top shelf of the Scumbag library/lounge room. He blew on it and brushed off the remaining particles before setting it down in front of SPG.

“Tha fook’s this?” He asked. Neil sat down next to him, pulling up a chair and sighing.

“That’s my old physics book. I was supposed to return it at the end of the year, but, like, I was never called out on it, or anything, so I just, kinda, kept it.” He explained. He shook his head. “You should’ve seen me in secondary school, man. My hair was so short.” He said, almost remorseful of those days. SPG was more concerned about why Neil was showing off his physics book.

“Why’s it ‘ere?”

“Cos I’m going to teach you about gravity, man. It’s not heavy. Well, I mean, gravity, like, makes weight, so I guess it’s heavy, but it’s not, like, heavy, right?” SPG kept his lips pursed and Neil sighed. He opened the textbook, towards the beginning, and started reading aloud. SPG sat with his palms against his cheeks.

He was resistant. He seemed to refuse to understand that if one had a kilogramme of feathers and a kilogramme of steel, it’d be the same weight, but after a few hours and a few bottles of beer, he did get it. Neil turned out to be quite the teacher. Sometimes he went off on tangents about space- SPG was surprised, to say the least. He didn’t expect Neil to be one for the sciences, but he later explained that it was mainly to help map out his star charts, but once he learned more about physics, he was enthralled. It was something he enjoyed, and SPG could appreciate that. He definitely appreciated Neil showing him the truths about gravity. For the rest of the day, SPG was excitedly talking about Isaac Newton, gravitational pulls, metric conversion and that a kilogramme of steel and a kilogramme of feathers were most definitely the same weight.

* * *

At first, it was a rarity. Catching Rick and Vyvyan making out was like finding Atlantis, but as tensions eased and the crew simply got used to it, well… Now it was a rarity if they weren’t making out, or keeping their hands off each other. And it was okay, the rest of the crew supposed. What else could really been done for two hormonal, young adults? Sometimes it was sweet, even. The gang might be out on deck, bullshitting with each other, sometimes passing a blunt around, and Rick always sat on Vyvyan’s lap, Vyvyan’s arms wrapped tight around Rick’s slim waist as they laughed and joked with the gang. Or maybe the two would be alone, holding hands and making rounds about the deck, Rick usually doing most of the talking, Vyvyan nodding along, or snaking a hand into the back pocket of Rick’s jeans and watching Rick turn pink. That was good fun too. A noticeable agitation had simply drifted away as soon as they officially started _dating_ , and often, Rick couldn’t believe Vyvyan wanted to date him in the first place, and Vyvyan thought the same, but opposite, wondering why Rick would want to even date him anyway. But it worked for them.

What really wasn’t working for the rest of the crew, however, was expecting to be walking into an empty recording studio, ready to start his shift, and finding them in a heated snogging session. When they were caught, it was with a giggle and Vyvyan promptly pulling Rick away somewhere to continue, but once an image was ingrained into one’s mind, it was hard to get out. Once Mike, Neil, SPG and Jerzei had eventually caught them at least once, all on separate occasions, a ship meeting was called to order, which became more or less of an impromptu company-sensitivity-training. It worked for about three hours afterward before the message was thoroughly ignored and Jerzei threw up his hands.

What was different about them snogging was that it wasn’t really foreplay. Sure, when they were commencing in foreplay, they kissed, a lot. But sometimes it just felt like something that they should do, that they wanted to do. It came as naturally as breathing and just plain-old felt good, so why not? There were worse vices than getting addicted to the other’s lips. Kisses were always slow. Sometimes softer, sometimes harder, sometimes passionate, sometimes deep, but there was never a fast kiss between them.

And, sometimes, that scared Rick. It almost seemed like there was an air of finality after every slow kiss. Rick really hoped that wasn’t true. They felt right, just like he told his mum. Sometimes, he kissed Vyvyan again after they had tapered off, pleading him without words to stay, to stay with him, please- he can’t- he doesn’t want to be alone, not now that he has Vyvyan. It feels sad and pathetic but there are times when Rick’s mind drifts and he muses at thoughts he doesn’t want to be having, but it all feels like it could happen- Vyvyan leaving him for something far better than he can provide. And that scared him more than anything.

He grew up privileged, that was for sure. Upper class, wealthy, prosperous. He had everything a child could ever want, and that was what inevitably broke him. Everything a child could want, but nothing a child needed. He had a brother, an adopted brother, but he was about twelve years older than he was. Well, he was eleven when he was adopted, and then Rick was born a year later. His parents just couldn’t wait to have children, really, but neither of them were ecstatic to be their children. His brother long since grew apart from the family, and Rick often envied him. His parents often thought shoving money at a problem would fix it, and in his blind innocence, he thought so too.

He was never touched or held or hugged growing up. The first time he did get a real, genuine hug (Samantha Novick in the sixth year. She had a crush on him and Rick thought he fancied her back) it was stiff and awkward and Rick nearly cried. It was suffocating and unknown and he didn’t like it for one bloody second. His parents believed in self-soothing, so that was what Rick learned, and most likely the reason he still acted like a child at times. Essentially, he raised himself, and he truly didn’t know any better.

He was a teenager when he was already learning how to keep himself busy, just like how his mum and dad did all the time, getting groomed into a perfect replication of their best qualities, just like how every child was supposed to be. He was a teenager when he got his first anxiety attack, and then his first panic attack, and then they came often. Very often. But Rick had learned to self-soothe, so there was no reason to tell his parents of these attacks. He never figured out why he got them, but he learned how to suffer in silence, and that was everything he needed to get by.

Until Vyvyan came aboard. It was then he not only realized his blatant homosexuality, but how much he craved intimacy, and warmth, and love, even. He wasn’t sure if Vyvyan could provide the last part, but he satisfied the first two just fine. Vyvyan touched and held him constantly, and the few times he wasn’t, Rick was holding onto him as if afraid he’d disappear without a physical connection to him. That was why Vyvyan absolutely could not leave Rick. Well, he could, but it would utterly kill Rick on the inside, if he did. He thought he might, sometimes, even though Vyvyan never provided evidence that he wanted to leave him.

It was one night when he lay next to the snoring boy that Rick felt the familiarity of unease and tension wash over him, and just knowing that it was coming on made him panic even more. He hyperventilated and shook hard enough to barely wake Vyvyan up. He kept his eyes closed, but responded by wrapping a strong arm around Rick, pulling him into his body, placing soft kisses on the back of his neck before drifting off once again. He was sure Vyvyan didn't know what was happening, but he didn't even have to ask to know what Rick needed. For the first time in his life, Rick was able to go to sleep after an attack, because Vyvyan was there. He was going to keep him safe, Rick hoped. He would do anything for Vyvyan, and Rick hoped Vyvyan felt the same.

He did.

There’s something about Rick that Vyvyan wants to keep all for himself but knows he’ll never be good enough for. Sometimes he kisses him and he’s not sure if it’s because he wants to or if it’s to keep his raging emotions at bay, to keep from screaming into his mouth everything that he’s been holding onto. There’s so much Rick doesn’t know about Vyvyan, and Vyvyan was sure he liked that, until something balled and pitted in the center of his gut. Something hard and something that ached and something that he was _pretty sure_ wasn’t gas after spending the last few weeks with it in his stomach. No, it was an emotional something, and far worse than any cramping pain he could physically experience. He’d spent too long holding onto everything in his life because that was what he knew as safe.

He grew up in a military household, somewhat. Vyvyan was born a day after New Year's Eve, 1945. Six months earlier, his father stormed Normandy with a swath of other soldiers and turned out to be one of the sorry buggers that got shot. It was a victory for their country, but growing up without a father never felt like much of a triumph. It felt like he was cheated at the start, if he was to be frank. His mother, however, kept a stiff upper lip about the whole ordeal, and kept to an army-regulated way to hold herself, and to raise her child. Talking about things that bothered them only brought hurt and did nothing to let them move on, in her eyes. So Vyvyan never said much about his life, just like his mum. It was just what he knew.

And then the pitting and balling started and he felt like he had to tell Rick. How could he ever truly love him if he didn’t know a bloody thing about him? Did Rick even want to love him? Is this temporary, something that’ll end just as soon as it began? Did he want to love Rick? Did he _already_ love Rick? It was too much to think about, and much easier to stifle with a slow, deep kiss that Rick quickly responds to.

Neither tells each other any of this, but emotions spill out into their kisses. That was why they were always passionate. That was why sometimes one or the other felt tears prick at their eyes as they kissed but refused to let them spill over. It was why sex was so rough at times, why Rick stared blankly at the wall in the dead of night, why Vyvyan kept his past in a thick fog, why Rick never asked about the dog tags in the back of Vyvyan’s dresser drawer, hidden under piles of clothing, why Vyvyan never showed much emotion besides a sadistic joyousness or anger.

It was why both boys were far too deep in love for their own good, but far too scared to realize it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> y'know. when i started this i didn't think it was gonna get so sad :) :) but here we are :) :) :) :)  
> and hey hey history tie in (vyv's dad only works cos this is set in 1966 pls dont think this is a headcannon for the regular universe cos then his dad would be like. old af)
> 
> Okay  
> 1\. Chapter title is Jerzei's Russian radio motto (don't worry this whole story isn't ending yet)  
> 2\. Mike's claim about a lesbian making him pregnant once isn't as outlandish as one may take at face value ;D (further hint hint i sure do love me some trans characters)  
> 3\. SPG not getting the "brainteaser" is a reference to my 2nd favorite Glaswegian. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwr6_015ROo)  
> 4\. Neil is definitely into astrophysics but like. Theoretical stuff since not much is known in 1966 but he's still trying  
> 5\. And then. Emotions just kinda spilled out on my keyboard for the last bit im sorry
> 
> alright !!! thank you all for reading, commenting and kudoing!!! <3 <3 <3


	12. Blood of the Covenant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick fucks up

_September 12, 1966_

_It’s a bit odd to think about, that the kids from my year are off attending university now, and I’m on a boat. Not that’d I’d give it up for the world, really. I think I’m having a much better time here than I ever would in a cramped dormitory with some strange boy in a strange place and… Well, actually, I suppose that’s how I ended up with Vyvyan. But either way, I’m glad. I think this was probably the best decision, and, honestly, I don’t see how anything could go wrong right now! The station’s doing well, Vyvyan and I are doing well, Jerzei’s a bit of a stick in the mud, but when isn’t he? Mike and Neil seem to be getting along just fine as well, and SPG is thrilled with his hand, and so’s the rest of the crew. It hasn’t smelled like rotting meat in months!!!_

_This is a good thing. I’m really glad I’m here. I feel like I belong here, like I belong somewhere, for the first time in my life, really. It’s exhilarating. I hate to sound like I’m conforming to the man and buying into a false sense of security, but, ruddy heck! Nothing is ever going to stop the Scumbag!! Not if the six of us have anything to say about it!!!!_

_-Rick, xoxoxoxo_

* * *

 “Minister?” David asked, a fresh face in the otherwise lifeless halls of Parliament. He was a young kid, early thirties, maybe, but smart. Smart enough for the minister to have the faith in him to put him on the radio piracy committee. He looked up from a dull bill someone thought would be a good idea to pass, and was rather thankful for the interruption. Not that he’d ever show it- his face was in a state of perpetual boredom.

“Mr. Pratt?” He responded dryly. David still wasn’t used to having a “mister” in front of his name. He was almost tempted to look for his father- growing up, he always had to refer to him as “sir”. His brother managed to escape that fate, probably because he was the younger sibling. Sometimes he envied him, growing up without a fear of his own parents, but the Pratts ran a tight ship. Well, now, he supposed, the Pratts and the Bryant. But he was far more focused on his exciting news rather than his adopted lineage.

“We-We’ve found something.” The minister looked up at him, and David imagined a faint glint of interest in his eyes. There was a long moment of silence between them.

“Well? Spit it out, boy!” David was waiting for a “What have you found?” But quickly realized he wasn’t going to get it. He stammered- lisps and stammers seemed to run in the family, and he supposed it still applied to him anyway. Just as Rick got his his grandmother’s lisp, David got his adoptive father’s stammer- he supposed he just learned it from being around him so often.

“Ah, it’s- well, i-it’s a loophole, in, pirate radio.” Just being under the scrutiny of the minister exacerbated his speech- thank god he didn’t have to speak in Parliament. “I-It’s Reginald Calvert, sir. His death, th-there’s-”

“Pratt, if you stammer one more time,” The minister warned. David took a deep breath and felt like sinking into the fine oaken floor right about then.

“Reginald Calvert’s death concludes acts of real, swashbuckling piracy, sir.” David said, much slower, but without a stutter. The minister smiled, which unnerved and frightened David even more than his pensive, angry glare he usually wore. He felt obligated to continue under the pressure of his unfamiliar expression. “And, as you well know, piracy is illegal, so, well, w-what I’m saying is-”

“We’ve got ‘em by the bollocks.” The minister cut in. David nearly gasped at the vulgarity, but didn't dare to, incase of upsetting his boss.

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Do you have a memo written out about your findings?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Bring it here, then!” He snapped. David quickly sped off, out of his office and back to the meeting room. “Bumbling idiot.” The minister muttered under his breath. Despite Mr. Pratt’s vocal incompetence, he was a damn good subordinate. Maybe, one day he too would be a minister. He wouldn’t mind Pratt being his legacy, but that was far in the future. For now, the current minister was going to get the memo, write up an act, get it passed, and get pirate radio destroyed, once and for all.

* * *

 They were enjoying their usual, Sunday morning lie-in. Rick draped himself over Vyvyan as he read aloud _Fellowship of the Ring._ Rick found it entertaining despite his early protest, but it did help that Vyvyan’s voice was so soothing to listen to. Well, to most people, it probably wasn’t, but for Rick, listening to Vyvyan expand and talk of this fantasy world was endearing, in a way. They had gotten a little more than halfway through the second book- they would’ve gotten farther if they didn’t interrupt so often to talk, or kiss, or quickly abandon the story for other entertainment. Today was no different.

“Vyvyan?” Rick spoke up. Vyvyan sighed, removing himself from the book and looking down at the boy over his chest.

“Rick, you’re just about to meet the Ringwraiths. Can this wait?”

“Do you miss your family sometimes?” Rick asked, rather suddenly. Vyvyan was taken aback, but didn’t let on. He didn’t even look up from the book.

“No.” He responded shortly, quickly getting back to the story and continuing to read. “There are many powers in the world, for good or for evil-”

“Vyvyan,” Rick nearly whined. “Come on, why not? Your mum, or dad, or siblings, they haven’t even visited or anything, and you’ve been at college, and you haven’t talked about them at all.”

“I don’t miss ‘em.” Vyvyan shrugged. Rick tutted and held him a little closer. Vyvyan remained stiff as Rick’s attempts to loosen him fell short.

“You don’t have to be all tough and rocker in front of me. It’s okay if you miss them.”

“She doesn’t give me a reason to.” Again, quick, but Rick held onto any piece of information he could get about Vyvyan.

“Who’s she?”

“Mum.”

“Just your mum? What about your dad? Or, like, a sister, or a brother?” It sometimes shocked Rick how little he really knew about Vyvyan. He thought he knew a lot, but Vyvyan was more or less an expert of giving people nothing while thinking they got something. Vyvyan sighed- there wasn’t much of a way to avoid this besides slugging through it and continuing to not give him much. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Rick to know about him- it was just what he knew, and never _had_ to elaborate like Rick wanted him to.

“Yeah. Just Mum and me. Dad died.” Rick was silent, idly tracing patterns on Vyvyan’s abdomen with deft fingertips, wanting him to go on, but knowing he wouldn’t.

“How’d he die?” Rick asked. It was easier to stare at the blanket than Vyvyan’s eyes.

“Stormed Normandy.”

“Oh.” More silence filled the air, uncomfortable between them. Vyvyan sighed again- maybe he could be just a little vulnerable, even if it was just for Rick’s sake. Vyvyan abandoned the book, setting the book back in the bedframe and scooting down to rest against the pillows, stroking Rick’s hair with one hand and keeping the other behind his head for support.

“When my dad got the letter, ‘bout the conscription, well- Mum and Dad, they didn’t think he was gonna be called. He was half deaf. Born without an ear, so they thought that’d keep him out, but they came for him anyway. Night before he left, they did what couples do n’, y’know, made me. Mum said once that he promised he’d come back in time for me to be born.” He paused, as if deep in thought, trying to find the next words to string together. “But he got shot in the head by some fucking Nazi prick.” Turned out to be his choice of language, but, undeterred, he continued. “At least it was fast, I suppose.” He said. Rick looked up at him, in shock, somewhat. He was amazed Vyvyan had opened up this much- he never, ever talked about his past or his life, save for the last three years of college. He wanted to ask more, to learn more, but he didn’t want to push the envelope with Vyvyan. He decided to anyway.

“Did you ever see any pictures of him?” Rick asked, continuing to soothingly run his hand along his chest, testing the waters with an easier question, hopefully.

“Yeah.” More silence, until Vyvyan felt awkward and spoke up. “I’ve got a photo, actually,” He said. He shuffled over to the top of his bed frame, pulling out a crumpled photograph. He handed it to Rick. An obscenely tall man missing an ear stood next to a much shorter woman. He smiled, she didn’t, but it was obvious these two were Vyvyan’s parents. He had his father’s dimples that could even be seen in the grainy quality, mother’s eyes, father’s chin. Probably his height too, but not to its greatest degree. “Mum said he had light brown hair, but he’d grow a ginger beard. That’s probably where I get this.” Vyvyan said, ruffling his own hair. “She said he was a good man, but I guess that’s what every widow has to say.” He stayed quiet after that, for a long time, before sighing and putting both of his arms around Rick, bringing him up onto his chest and resting his head on top of Rick’s. He pressed his lips against his hair, pensive, and Rick didn’t interrupt him like he might normally, just incase he wanted to continue. Vyvyan didn’t disappoint. “I wish I got to know him, sometimes. I think my life would’ve been a lot different, if he was there.” He inwardly cringed at how soppy he sounded and quickly tried to recover. “Probably would’ve been as much of a bastard as Mum, though.” Rick stuck his lip out slightly and squeezed him.

“He might not’ve been.” He said softly. “Maybe he was a lot like you.”

“So, a complete bastard?” Vyvyan said, bringing a hand up to Rick’s hair and Rick tutting. Both of them were quiet for a moment. “Maybe.” Vyvyan finally agreed. Rick looked at the photograph further.

“He looks kind.” He said softly. He felt Vyvyan laugh underneath him as a hand reached up to his hair to give it a playful ruffle.

“How can someone look kind?” Vyvyan jibed. Rick was probably trying to make him feel better about not having a dad to grow up with, and while he didn’t really need the message, it was still nice to be looked after. Rick shrugged and rolled on top of him before giving him a soft kiss, smiling. His face suddenly dropped and he made a rather disgruntled, maybe even a little disgusted, noise. He buried his face in Vyvyan’s chest while he looked at the top of his head, confused. “What crawled up your bum and died?” He asked.

“That photo’s been in your bed the whole time we’ve been seeing each other.” He said, muffled.

“So?”

“Vyvyan!” Rick said, exasperated. He picked his head up, still looking just as disgusted as he did before. “We’ve been having sex on top of your dead dad.” Vyvyan busted into a gale of laughter while Rick smacked his chest. “It’s not funny!”

“It’s fucking hilarious!” He said. “You’re worried about that?” Rick pouted, still just as exhausted with Vyvyan. Vyvyan still smiled that stupidly infatuating grin Rick found himself helpless to resist, but still trying to anyway. “Ah, he’d be proud.”

“Really now?” Rick said, almost sarcastically, not exactly believing him.

“Yeah. I’ve got myself a pretty little girlfriend and I’m getting laid practically every night. I don’t know what dad wouldn’t be proud of that.” Vyvyan laughed. Rick rolled his eyes again and sighed.

“Why don’t you take anything seriously?” Vyvyan pursed his lips and furrowed his brow.

“I take plenty of things seriously.” He responded back plainly.

“But… Not-” Vyvyan ran a hand down Rick’s back, making him shiver and go silent.

“This is dumb.” Vyvyan said, scanning his eyes down Rick's slim torso. “Have I given you a blowjob yet?” Rick blushed bright red, but part of it was an obvious frustration. Rick rolled off of Vyvyan, glaring at him, and made his way off of the top bunk. He picked up his pants and trousers from the floor, keeping silent. “Rick.” Vyvyan groaned, laying back on his elbows and looking down at him. “C’mon, don’t be all poofy.” He said, a small anger lighting in his voice.

“You’re manipulating me so that you don’t have to talk about yourself.” Rick said, nearly flat as he started buttoning up his shirt.

“You’re being ridiculous.” Vyvyan said, leaning over the bed.

“No, I’m not! You’re being a bloody cliché!” Rick fumed, turning around and boring holes at his boyfriend. “I don’t know what’s so secretive about you that you need to keep from me, but that’s just the thing, isn’t it?! I don’t know a bloody thing about you!”

“Where’s this coming from?” Vyvyan bit. “Is it that time of the month?” He spat, staring down Rick.

“Can you not be so juvenile for two seconds?!”

“Can you get the massive silver spoon out of your arse?!” Rick was taken aback, but was quickly about to spit back when Vyvyan cut him off. “No! Listen!” He shouted, grabbing his pants from the end of the bed and quickly putting them on. He jumped off the bed and got directly in Rick’s face, steaming with crossness. “You’re a spoiled, bloody child who doesn’t know a damn thing about the world! You think everything is your business! Even when I give you something, you just keep grappling! You’re bloody insatiable for everything!” Vyvyan gradually got louder as he spoke, but by the end, he was yelling, his face nearly as red as his hair. Rick stared back at him, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. His bottom lip trembled as he gripped his shirt, shocked and unable to find words to retaliate. Not, necessarily, unable to find actions to retaliate.

Rick didn’t have a chance to stop himself before the satisfying crack of Vyvyan’s nose resounded through their tiny bedroom. Vyvyan’s head reeled to the side, a pained yelp joining the sound. He held his nose and turned back up to Rick, breathing hard, fists and teeth clenched. Blood began to trickle steadily from Vyvyan's nose, running over his lips and dripping off his chin. They stared at each other in silence, until Rick's actions caught up with his thought process and his face immediately softened into something instantly regretful. His throat tightened, air hitching in his lungs as he let his fist go. Vyvyan sniffled and nodded slowly.

“Okay.” He said, tilting his head up. “Alright, Richard.” The calmness in his voice shook him to no extent. Rick went pale, feeling like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t function. He hit his boyfriend. He did that and there was no excuse for it. He needed to do something, anything, but what could he do? There was no fixing it.

“O-Oh, god, Vyvyan, I-I’m s-so sorry, I d-didn’t-” Vyvyan faced him, blood going back down his face as he held a hand up to stop him.

“No.” He said, simply, softly, and with finality. Rick started to shake. “You’ve made your point, and I’m going to make mine.” He said, fire starting to burn in his eyes. “I refuse to be treated like this again.” He said, his voice flat, lacking any emotion outside of simmering rage.

“A-Again?” He whimpered through sobs, but Vyvyan wasn’t listening. He went to the closet, pulling out Rick’s suitcase and throwing it on his bottom bunk. He started grabbing Rick’s clothes from the floor, cramming them in his suitcase and dripping blood on them occasionally. “V-Vyvyan, w-what are you d-doing?” Rick said, breathing through his teeth, trying to console himself from crying anymore, but tears kept flowing and spilling out of him.

“We’re fucking done, Rick.” Vyvyan said, shoving more clothes in. He slammed the top down, closing it with some difficulty, but getting it shut, eventually.

“V-Vyvyan, p-please, it won’t happen again, I-I-”

“It don’t matter. You broke everything. It’s your fucking fault, and now you get to deal with the consequences.” Vyvyan shoved the suitcase at Rick, nearly knocking the wind out of him. “Get the fuck out of my room.” Rick held the suitcase to his chest, tears pouring out of him.

“V-Vyvyan-”

“Get out!” Vyvyan boomed, tears pricking at his eyes. The last person he ever expected to hurt him was Rick. Maybe he was just a magnet for abuse, but there was time to mull and soak over self-deprecating thoughts later. Now, he needed to get his ex out of his bedroom. Vyvyan went to the door, throwing it open and shoving Rick out of it. He fell over, stumbling on his own feet as he landed on the hard, bunker floor. Vyvyan tossed his duvet out with him. “I don’t want to see your ugly mug on this ship ever again!” Vyvyan roared, giving Rick one last look before slamming the door shut and locking it. Rick trembled harder, overwhelmed with emotion. He couldn’t process any of what had just happened.

Later, he’d find himself huddled into his comforter in the corner of Neil’s room. He was the only one who’d even look at him after the attack, and it was probably for the better. He hit Vyvyan. A room to sleep in was far from what he really deserved. He sobbed and weeped all afternoon and evening- Neil was glad he was an insomniac; he wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. The fight kept playing over and over in Rick’s head, enough to where the details started to get fuzzy, but he was sure of one thing, and one thing only.

Him and Vyvyan were over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sure do love Suffering™  
> sorry for the late update guys AP testing, finals and the musical i was assistant directing for all happened at once and i kind of died but thank you for staying with it !!! 
> 
> i cant make any promises about the next chapters without spoiling anything so Enjoy Your Daily Helping of Pain :)


	13. You Can't Imagine How I Hate This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a month after the break up- the boys' lives without the other. Furthermore, Neil and SPG find themselves utterly useless to either of them.

At least Vyvyan got his wish. He hadn’t seen Rick’s ugly mug in weeks. 

Rick spent his days in Neil’s bedroom. He had barely left huddling up in his duvet since he had moved himself in there, smoking weed most days to stop crying, though it barely helped. When he got off the high, the drop was steeper, his depression worsened, his panic attacks were more frequent. Worse, it reminded him of the smoky, stoned first kisses between him and his now-ex.

Neil didn’t like leaving Rick alone, in fear of what he might do if he didn’t have a watchful eye over him. Neil really didn’t agree with what Rick did. In fact, he wasn't quite sure why he was letting him stay with him in the first place, but Neil was always a firm believer in second chances and the growth of a person. Rick obviously regretted what happened, but Neil wasn't sure if it was because it caused Vyvyan to break up with him, or because he legitimately hurt Vyvyan, emotionally and physically. It was the middle of November when Neil decided to have a talk with him- these days, Rick was smoking more, be it weed or tobacco. He wasn’t sleeping if it wasn't assisted with drugs, he hardly ate; the food Neil brought to him was just barely touched, sometimes not at all. Neil sat down on the edge of his bed, looking at Rick, still wrapped in his corner.

“Man, like, I don't want to get all heavy on you, but you're really starting to smell bad.” Neil said, clenching his teeth behind his lips. Probably wasn't the best way to start out a conversation. Rick shrugged and murmured an apology, turning in even closer to the wall. Neil sighed. “Look, Rick, I know it hurts. But, if I can be honest, your guys’ whole relationship kinda ran on not bringing these important things up. Y'know, you criticized Vyv for not being open enough, but maybe you weren't either. I mean, like, I'm just speaking as a friend. We're friends, yeah? I-” Rick's sniffling cut him off. Neil gripped the bed- he really wasn't doing a very good job of making Rick feel better.

“I need a cigarette.” He said, curling in deeper into his duvet. 

“Rick, that's another thing. You're… You're kinda abusing that stuff. The pot, and the cigarettes. I know I’m a skeptic, and a bit of a hypocrite, but it just doesn't seem very healthy to be breathing that stuff into your lungs, y’know? You gotta stop that, man.” 

“What bloody difference does it make?” He sniveled. Neil was secretly impressed- that was the longest string of words Rick said since he unofficially moved in. He kept silent incase Rick said more, and he didn't disappoint. “Abuse cigarettes, abuse pot, abuse Vy-” His breath caught in his throat. He sniffled again and wrapped the duvet tighter around himself. 

“Rick, this is, like, really un-groovy.” Neil said. “You need to get your life back, man.” 

“Okay.” Rick responded passively. Neil had come to learn that “okay” really meant he wasn’t going to do anything about it. Instead, he leaned his head on the wall and closed his eyes. Neil sighed. As a pacifist, it seemed this would be the only war he’d ever charge into: getting Rick out of his rut, and a war it would be.

At first, Vyvyan was just fine with the break up. Fine for about twenty four hours, until he really started to feel its impact. His nose still throbbed occasionally, but Rick hadn’t gotten too bad of a swing on him. A little busted up, but his old ex had done worse. It still was no excuse. And he was right- Rick had to deal with the consequences of his actions.

And yet, it felt like a punishment for Vyvyan too. He missed waking up next to him in the morning, playfully taking the piss out of him for his lisp, kissing him, oh, god, kissing him. Most of all, he just missed  _ him _ . There was a lot to miss- they seemed perfect. Seemed, anyway. If they stayed together longer, maybe they could’ve worked stuff out. It ate at him constantly- Vyvyan wanted Rick back. But he couldn’t. Part stubbornness, melancholy, anger, anxiety- it was an emotional, nuclear bomb waiting to go off with no shelter. He didn’t want to risk getting hurt again, but every relationship had hurt. Rick just hurt him. Badly.

It was far deeper than the constant, consistent beating in his nose- often, just that was the only reminder that he still had pulse. When he threw Rick out of his bedroom, he threw his heart out with him. He thought about him a lot- Rick was the sun, radiant, bright, and compared to him, Vyvyan felt content being a shadow. Rick was  _ his  _ sun. But their relationship just had to sizzle and supernova in the worst way.

Rick hadn’t come back since he kicked him out, which meant he left his diary. Vyvyan read it, over and over until he memorized each passage, willing himself not to cry over it, over him. Often, he was unsuccessful. Rick loved him; he could bloody well see that. Fucking hell, maybe he loved Rick too, but all of that was over. He wouldn't get the chance to tell him his feelings because Rick ruined all of it.

But maybe there was some part Vyvyan played in it too. He refused to think too hard about that, though, but these days it was getting harder and harder to focus on anything. It felt like the color, the light, the warmth had all been sucked out of his life, caught in a vacuum and not readily returning. 

Vyvyan was in just as bad of a place as Rick, but each boy had their own method of coping. Vyvyan ignored his feelings, distracted himself from it. Even when it didn’t need it, he was tinkering and toying with the radio and the machines to work it. He took them apart, put them back together, took them apart again and, if needed, destroyed faulty equipment. He stopped sleeping in his bedroom- there were far too many memories in there and he didn't want to deal with them, not now, and not anytime soon. Neil had accidentally tripped over Vyvyan more than once when he was off to do his show, shivering occasionally, holding himself tight in a ratty blanket on the floor of the station. He didn't even want to use his own duvet- it still had Rick's smell buried into it. He got in fights more with everyone on the boat. He was far more irritable, and was avoided by nearly every crewmember. All but SPG. 

He was eating cold lentils in the dining hall when SPG decided to reach out to him, sitting down next to Vyvyan as he gave him an evil eye. 

“Aye, Vyv.” He said, a little nervous.

“Hi.” Vyvyan responded, cold and flat as always since him and Rick had broken up. SPG pursed his lips and sighed. 

“Alright, lad?”

“Alright.”

“Don’t be a fuckin’ poof. What's goin’ on?” SPG said, a small tease, but went unnoticed by Vyvyan. 

“Fuck you.”

“What? Act like ya best mate don't fuckin’ matter, then?”

“Why don't you fuck off like everyone else, yeah?!” Vyvyan shouted, slamming his spoon down and staring down SPG.

“That's how it's gonna be, innit?”

“How  _ what's _ gonna be?” SPG considered something to be working- this was the most emotion Vyvyan had shown in weeks, even if it was spite, and against him.

“You need to get ahold of yourself, you bloody cunt!” SPG bit back, taking Vyvyan's shoulder and turning him around. “You can't let a fuckin’ pretty boy ruin ya life, right?! I won't stand by n’ watch you burn out, Vyv!” SPG looked at him earnestly, almost pleading. Vyvyan glared and forcefully took SPG’s hand off of him.

“Yeah, well, maybe I'm already burnt out.” Vyvyan said, far quieter. He went flat, glaring at his friend, then getting up from his chair. He gave him one final, piercing look before storming out of the dining hall. Vyvyan waited until he was in his bedroom, the door stuck from not being opened in so long, to burst into tears, letting the sobs wrack his body in a release he’d been dying to let himself have since he ended his life with Rick. Vyvyan shouted, yawped and cried, loud enough for Rick to hear from Neil’s room, which only set him off into his own crying jag. 

The boys were inconsolable, which both Neil and SPG would come to learn after a few more failed attempts at trying to relieve the problem. Whatever they tried to do, there was no helping either boy. Neither was sure what they  _ could _ do. Maybe the only therapy they would find, they had to find in each other- that was how Rick and Vyvyan solved everything; talking, and lack thereof. Now, there was a void, and neither had any way to resolve it. Any way that didn't involve the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just! love causing pain! (i really dont im sorry)  
> honestly tho like no update in 20 days and then two chapters in three days im just !!! being a writer is weird. chapter title is a lyric one of my favorite songs by The National, Graceless. i believe another set of stories in this fandom has a few chapter titles with songs by The National- great band for painful feelings
> 
> thank you all for reading and keeping up with this horribly, suddenly sad story :^) really though, every comment, kudo and view means so much !!


	14. Guerilla Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enough is enough. Mike and Neil take matters into their own hands in order to at least get them talking again.   
> None of them realize how deadly the consequences are

Sunbathing in winter was not something the common person did, but Mike the Cool Person was not common. Even if it meant having to go out on the frigid deck in every coat he owned, he would stop at nothing for his sunbathing. He enjoyed it- he came out feeling rested, relaxed, almost clean, even. Shades drawn, coats buttoned to his neck, and a scarf for good measure, Mike hardly noticed the wind whipping around him as the December sun did the least to warm him up. Everything in his world was going swimmingly, until his boss interrupted his daily routine.

“Mike?” Jerzei butted in, taking a seat on his lounge chair. Mike glared at him through his sunglasses.

“Jerzei?” Mike said back, a slight irritation nipping in his voice. 

“Right, everyone knows you’re the ladies man, so-”

“Are you having girl troubles, Balowski?” Mike immediately perked up, abandoning his sunbathing. “Share everything.” He beckoned, biting his lip in anticipation. Jerzei shivered from the wind.

“Look, can we go inside? It’s fuckin’ freezin’. And the storm’s comin’, so, indoors.” Mike sighed, looking up at the sky, then back to Jerzei.

“I suppose.” He said, giving in and gathering himself up. Jerzei quickly lead the way, going down to the bunker with Mike behind him.

Minutes later, Mike was idly stirring a cup of tea, transfixed with the way the leaves swirled in the hot drink. Jerzei’s own cup of tea was untouched on the coffee table of the communal, Scumbag living room. He bit his lip, waiting for an answer from Mike. He sighed, continuing to stare down at his cup.

“Just so I heard you correctly, you want me to play couple’s counseling with Rick and Vyv?”

“That’s the idea.” Jerzei responded. “Mike, you’ve seen ‘ow bad it is.”

“I just don’t understand why _ I  _ have to do it.” Jerzei shrugged.

“Cos, I mean, you’ve got the most experience with this stuff.” Mike huffed.

“I really don’t, Jerzei. I sleep around, I don’t stay long enough for anything to develop. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with those two.” Jerzei pursed his lips.

“That’s… That’s a bit sad.” Now, it was Mike’s turn to shrug. He took a long sip of his tea, mulling over thoughts.

“Alright.” Mike said suddenly after minutes of silence.

“Alright what?”

“I think I have an idea. It may be suicide, but it may just work.”

“Come on, Rick, it’ll make you feel a lot better.” Neil pleaded, a towel over his shoulder as he held out his hand to the bundled boy. He shook his head. “I used the hot water for it, please don’t put it to waste.” He said, nearly begging Rick.

“I don’t need a bath.” Rick pouted. He felt almost like a child again, telling his mother he didn’t want to bathe. Neil put his hands on his hips.

“Rick, like, what’s the worst that’ll happen?”

“I don’t want it.” Neil gritted his teeth. He’d been at this with Rick for the past fifteen minutes. Enough was enough. 

“I’m really sorry to do this, Rick.” Neil said before tearing the duvet off of Rick. Like a cornered animal, Rick’s eyes dilated and bulged in fear, shocked that Neil would even  _ consider  _ doing something like  _ that _ . Neil looked down at the almost feeble, pale boy beneath him- he seemed to be withering and dying away under that comforter. Far skinnier than he remembered, dirty, sick- Rick could protest all he wanted, but he desperately needed a bath. Neil picked up Rick, immediately conjuring a string of objections from him. He kicked and writhed in his grasp as much as he could, but energy was in low supply for Rick, and he gave up much quicker than he normally would have. But his tongue still spewed rapid-fire insults as Neil trudged towards the bathroom.

“Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye, you put me down this instant! Bloody hippy! I mean it, young man! This is against my natural human rights! It’s demoralizing and furthermore, disgustingly unethical! Trotsky, o-or Lenin would never put up with this!” Each of his complaints fell on deaf ears, but Neil smiled huge as he held his breath, not eager to get a whiff of Rick’s grungy-boy glory. But, at least in speech, he was starting to get back to his old self, and that was all Neil could ask for, right now. He screeched louder. “Neil! I demand to be let go!” Rick yelled, making quite the fuss as they got to the bathroom. Neil set him down in front of the bath, still steaming from the hot water, threw the towel on the floor, and dashed out, slamming the door shut and leaning back against it.

“Rick, right, I’m like, holding the door shut, okay? And you’re not coming out until you have a bath, man! I’m really sorry, but you have to!” Neil justified through the door. Rick was still in shock from what happened, but went to the door and started pounding on it. However, he really couldn’t muster the power to fight back- spending all of his time smoking and sleeping hadn’t done much for him physically, save for making him smaller and weaker. Rick slumped against the door, tutting, then turned to the bath. The water sloshed occasionally from the unusually rocky movement of the boat, but Neil had said Jerzei reported a storm coming up, which wasn’t uncommon out in the ocean, but nonetheless. And, besides, Neil had drawn it for him, and it would be a bit of a shame to have the hot water go to waste…

Rick stripped out of his clothes, looking down at his body for, really, the first time in weeks. He really let himself go, letting his depression eat away at him. His stomach was practically concave, his ribs visible and projecting out from his skin. He looked at himself in the mirror over the sink- his eyes were sunken in, deep, dark circles leading from his eyebrows to just above his cheekbones. He had lost color in his face, and his entire body, for that matter. Disgusting was the first word that came to mind for Rick. He was surprised Neil had let him go so long. He put the towel Neil had thrown on the lid of the toilet, then, mustering courage, stepped into the bath. Immediately, the warm lap of water was already soothing up to his calves. Rick bent down, soaking more of his body in, almost unsure about his actions, but Neil was right- it did feel good. Rick sat back against the tub, stretching out as much as he could and relaxing into it.

“Are you, like, in the bath yet?” Neil asked, his question slightly muffled by the door. Rick sighed.

“Yes, Neil, I'm in the bath.” He responded. He could almost feel Neil's celebration through the door. Rick just leaned back further, getting his hair wet. It felt foreign, but welcome, as if everything dirty about him was being washed away from the water alone. He took the bar of soap from the holder at the edge of the tub, lathering it before bringing it up to his head and getting the suds thick in his hair. He abandoned the soap in turn for the bubbles it left behind, massaging his fingers deep into his scalp and washing away the accumulation of grease in his hair. It had gotten long since he left home in the summer. That already felt so long ago- back then, it was evenly cropped, very short, shaved, and sophisticated. At least, he thought it was sophisticated. Now, it was hard to tell the difference between the once shaved part and the length of the top of his head. His father would probably call him a beatnik. He ignored the thought of his dad, unsure of how to feel about him now after the recent divorce in the family, and leant back to rinse the soap out of his hair. He sat up, grabbed the soap once again and started the wash the rest of his body, cleaning away weeks of grime build up like it was never there in the first place. He even washed his face and managed to get rid of a few pimples in the process, smiling at his own hard work and effort.

He didn’t know how long he had been in the bath, but he came out feeling brand new. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Vyvyan- he never had since they broke up- but now there was a bit of hope that he could start to move on. He dried his hair off with the towel and knotted it around his waist, going back to the mirror and looking at himself once again. 

Some of the color had come back to his face, and overall, he just felt  _ clean _ , and that was more than a start. He smiled at himself, genuinely, probably the first time he smiled in two months. Maybe there was life after Vyvyan. Maybe he could go without him- he still had a life, and furthermore, could get it back. He could eventually leave the boat when he felt apt to, give university a try, hell, maybe he could find a nice college boy to settle down with, permanent “roommate” situation- the ideas were flowing and only got better. Even as he brushed his teeth, he was smiling at the future he could have with whoever he chose. He spit out the foaming toothpaste, gathered his clothes and opened the door, a little surprised to find Neil was gone, but had he really expected him to wait outside the whole time? He walked down the hallway, slowly, as if trying to learn how to walk again. Lost in thought, he didn’t even hear his old bedroom door open. 

Vyvyan was sleeping longer and more these days, but that probably had something to do with his heavier drinking. It took a lot of energy to be angry at everyone all the time, and to get absolutely shitfaced every night was much easier. He stopped sleeping in the radio station, unless he passed out there, and was able to ignore all the constant reminders of Rick in his room. Being drunk helped. On this particular day, it was around eleven when he woke up, which wasn’t horrible by young adult standards, but usually he was up by six to man the radio. But nobody had come to bother him awake, so he assumed it didn’t matter. He stumbled out of his bedroom, walking only made harder by how much the boat was rocking. His hair in a mess, sweater dangling off one of his shoulders, scratching at his bollocks through his boxers, and sleep still in his eyes, he looked over to a figure, padding down the hallway and suddenly stopping in its tracks. Vyvyan’s eyes started to adjust through the hangover he was about to go nurse in the lavatory, ready to start vomiting at any minute, and even more so when he finally made out who it was.

All the color that was back in Rick’s face quickly drained at the sight. Every thought of his future dashed from his mind and he felt like he could cry. He had chose Vyvyan. He really had seen a future with him- their love, if it even was love, was reckless and beautiful and just what he needed to feel alive again, to feel like he wasn’t just the shell of what his parents wanted him to be. Vyvyan was his life. How could he get back something he didn’t have without him? He tried to cover his chest with his clothing, not wanting Vyvyan to see him in such a frail state. He averted his eyes to the ground, trying to will his feet to move, but they were stuck, frozen in place, nearly petrified. 

Both of the boys said nothing for the longest time, trying to figure out who would be the one to crack first.

“Hi, Rick.” Vyvyan finally said in a voice that sounded like sandpaper. It was like breaking ice with a plastic spoon; awkward, fragile, both substances breakable if either applied enough force.

“Hi, Vyvyan.” Rick responded, his own nerves shaking his speech. Every memory they had ever made together was flashing before his eyes in a slideshow that only hurt all the more, showing him all he could never have and never recreate. He swallowed as he stared at Vyvyan, who was now sizing him up as if preparing for a fight.

“You look like you went through the bloody holocaust.” Vyvyan bit.

“That’s horribly insensitive.” Rick spat back. He paused for a period, neither boy saying a word. Rick stared down at the bundle of clothes in his hands. “I haven’t been eating.” Vyvyan nodded.

“I can tell.” He responded. Another long time of silence until Vyvyan sighed. “Well, I spent all night drinking, so I’m going to go be copiously sick.” Vyvyan said simply and with finality before pushing passed Rick to the bathroom. Rick held his shoulder, wincing slightly when Vyvyan brushed him. He turned, not being able to find the strength in his broken heart to be angry at him. It was the least Rick deserved.

He walked back to Neil's bedroom, feeling almost worse than when he left it. However, the scene before him let his face soften a bit. Neil had been busy in the laundry- the clothes he had taken with him were out of his suitcase and folded nicely, laid out on his duvet, now spread out on the floor with a pillow. It wasn’t much, but it was his own little corner, and it was enough. Rick turned to Neil, sitting on his bed and patiently expecting Rick.

“Did you do this?” Rick asked. Neil nodded.

“Better than being huddled in a corner.” He said with a shrug. “Well, I mean, I suppose you’re still in a corner, but, now you’re horizontal. And it’s kinda like you have an actual bed now.” He said, justifying his reasoning. 

“Thank you, Neil.” Rick said, sincerity in his voice. With everything he did, he was amazed Neil was being so good with him. Neil nodded and smiled. 

“I was thinking you could put something on and we could, like, get some fresh air out on deck?” He suggested, pursing his lips. Rick sighed.

“An awful lot has happened already today, Neil. Can we put it off?” Rick whined. “And, and…” He looked out the porthole window. “Christ, Neil, it’s pouring rain out there!” He said, pointing to the water spraying both up and down on the glass pane. Neil stood and crossed his arms, looking at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“Man, it’s easier than it seems. And we won’t be out there long, either. Just get out of the bunker, y’know? You didn’t want to have a bath either and look at the good that did you.” Rick sighed and scoffed. 

“Fine, Mum.” Rick said, a little sarcastically, but more of a playful joke than anything. He was glad he had someone to banter with. Neil nodded and exited the room, leaving Rick to change. 

When Neil shut the door behind him, he quickly raced to the lounge, where Mike was waiting for his cue, a cigarette between his fingers. Neil leaned into the doorway and whispered loudly.

“Mike! Operation Great Outdoors is, like, a go!” Mike nodded, the beginnings of a smile on his face.

“Righto. Aces, Neil. Get Rick, I’ll get Vyv and meet you out on deck.” Neil nodded excitedly.

“Tango, man!” He said, enthused to be using code. Mike waited until Neil was gone to snuff his cigarette and walk out of the lounge, ready to get Rick and Vyvyan at least talking again. 

Neil knocked on his bedroom door. “You about ready, Rick?”

“Yes, yes, gimme a minute!” Rick replied back. In a few moments, he stood, clad in clothes that seemed a size too big for him. They were his clothes, but he had practically shrunk since he was thrown out of Vyvyan’s life. Simple enough for a romp outside- his normal, gray button-down, his most favorite pair of yellow jeans, red shoes and a black peacoat his mother mailed off to him a while back to prepare for the colder months on the boat. Rick sighed, slumping his shoulders a bit. “Alright, let’s go. Just for a few minutes.” He said, obviously not very excited to go outside in the cold. 

“You look nice.” Neil said, giving Rick a polite smile and guiding him out. “Just do what the monks do.” He said, starting to walk towards the bunker door.

“What do the monks do?” Rick asked.

“Well, like, they’re in Tibet, y’know, and it’s really cold there, and they’re just in robes. But they’ve ascended to higher planes of existence, man. If they think warm, they stay warm. So just, like, think warm.” Rick pursed his lips, staring up at Neil with a look of dissatisfaction. 

“Thanks, Neil.” He said, a little off put. He wasn’t sure how thinking warm was going to help him- just counting down the minutes until they could go back inside. 

Vyvyan spent a while caressing the toilet and waiting for himself to throw up, but nothing came save for a few loud, satisfying burps. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them before starting to stumble back to the bedroom, eager for more rest before another night of heavy drinking. He got in, shutting the door and looking outside the window. The rain was beating down on the window, just beginning to start hailing as waves consistently crashed over his porthole. Hell, it was probably reaching the deck at this point. Some damn storm, that was for sure. He was about to climb up to the top bunk bed and go back to sleep until an urgent pounding at his door stopped him. Vyvyan audibly groaned, grabbing his trousers from the floor and pulling them on before opening the door. He was about to get very irritated at whoever had a death wish, until he saw it was Mike. He quickly softened and stood up a little straighter as the smaller man nodded at him.

“Vyv.”

“Michael?” Vyvyan responded, unsure but willing to play along with this. Mike took off his sunglasses and looked up at him earnestly.

“Vyvyan, we need to have a chat.” Vyvyan swallowed and felt his pulse pick up as anxiety dropped down to his gut. He saw Michael as the closest thing to a father figure in his life, and if he was disappointed or upset with him- Vyvyan didn’t even want to think about that. He slowly nodded and readjusted his sweater so it was more thoroughly on him and put his hands in his pockets.

“Alright.” He said softly. “Ah, d-do you wanna come in, or-?” Mike shook his head.

“Thought we could talk outside.” Vyvyan gave him a confused look.

“Outside my bedroom, or  _ outside _ outside?”

“Out. Side.” Mike said, practically radiating authority. Vyvyan was about to protest, but a quick glare shut him up. 

“Right.” He replied with an awkward laugh. “Lemme… Lemme get a coat.” He quickly looked around his bedroom, grabbing his glasses from the top of his dresser, then finding a green windbreaker. He shucked it on and got his boots, slipping them onto his feet, and was hot on Mike’s heels as they made their way outside of the bunker.

“Can we _ please _ go inside?!” Rick yelled over the sound of waves crashing onto the deck and hail beating down. “This isn’t helping!” They had been making laps around the boat, or trying to, staying towards the railing of the ship. A twang of nostalgia hit Rick- they were nearing the spot where Vyvyan and him would stargaze in the summertime.

“Yes it is!” Neil shouted back. “It’s meditative!” He thought quickly. “It’s a metaphor!”

“A metaphor for what?!” Rick fumed back.

“Your life, man! The tempest, like, represents-” In that moment, a huge spray of ocean water came down on both of them, soaking them to the bone. Rick screamed in absolute outrage.

Vyvyan and Mike had been walking around opposite Rick and Neil. Neither Vyvyan nor Mike had said a word- Mike didn’t have anything to really chat about with Vyvyan, not yet anyway, and Vyvyan stared at his feet as the rain and the ocean wet them both through. His glasses were fogging and covered in water, making them near impossible to see through, but stubborn as he was, he tried anyway. Vyvyan sighed- even through his muddled, hungover haze, he could remember him and Rick’s spot they were about to pass by. Rick called it their stargazing spot, but Vyvyan called it the “Let’s-say-we’re-going-stargazing-and-make-out-instead” area. But they had seen some pretty sights, laying on their backs, the occasional shooting star or satellite passing by- when they weren’t kissing, they’d try to guess if it was a Soviet or American one despite there being no real way of knowing.

A column of cold, heavy, ocean water mist came up over the side of the ship, drenching Vyvyan and Mike, though, Vyvyan, being closer to the rail, got the brunt of it. In frustration, he gave a short, sharp shout at the same time a familiar scream resounded in front of him. Vyvyan turned in front of him, looking at an equally sopping boy in the same dilemma he was.

Rick and Vyvyan stared at each other for the second time this afternoon, unsure of how to start or even where to begin. Instead, they turned to their supposed comrades.

“What’s the meaning of this, Neil?!” Rick shouted.

“Michael! You’ve got to be bloody joking!” Vyvyan yelled.

“I know for a fact he doesn’t want to see me right now and-”

“I don’t want to see him, Michael! I never wanted to see him again, and you-”

“Bring me out here in the freezing cold to do this?! The nerve! I ought to-”

“Throw myself over this godforsaken boat right now! You-”

“Of all people, Neil, I expected better! This-”

“ENOUGH!” Mike finally boomed. Everyone shut up- Mike always kept a cool demeanor, and now, he had well and truly lost it. “Both of you are bloody nightmares!” Rick and Vyvyan shrunk back, and for a few moments, it was absolutely silent between the four of them, the only sounds being the pounding rain, hail and waves, getting higher and higher up the side of the boat. Finally, Mike sighed. “You two, are going to talk. And we aren’t going back inside until _ something _ is resolved, right?!”

“Right.” Vyvyan said under his breath.

“Right.” Rick whimpered meekly. They caught eyes with each other, air sticking in their throats, and maybe, just for a second, they let themselves imagine a simpler, warmer time. 

_ It was the middle of August, late in the twilight times. The rest of the crew was inside, probably beginning to retire for bed. Rick and Vyvyan would be up for another three hours until Neil started his show, but that was for business. If it was up to them, they’d probably already be asleep. It seemed like too long of a day, the kind that kept dragging on and on. Both of them would much rather be in bed right now, limbs tangled in the other’s, soft, sleepy kisses placed wherever their lips could touch on the other boy. But, if they went to bed now, they’d risk being seen and yelled at by Jerzei to go to work. So, instead, they did just that, but hiding out on the deck. Rick nuzzled close to Vyvyan’s chest- his sweater was more or less becoming their sweater, since Rick bundled up into it so often. Vyvyan had one hand interlocked with Rick’s and the other in his hair, stroking it and feeling it run through his fingers. Rick’s hair was always so soft- he had no idea what he did to it, but it was amazing to touch. Rick hummed and squeezed Vyvyan’s hand. _

_ “I don’t think I’ve ever felt, so…” He trailed off, trying to think of a word. _

Rick took a shaking breath. It seemed the world had stopped when he finally spoke.

“I miss you.” He said, already feeling his eyes water up. However, he was near inaudible over the rain and the ocean.

“What?!” Vyvyan shouted.

_ “So what?” Vyvyan asked. He bit his lip- he didn’t know what Rick was feeling, exactly, but he was hoping it was the same thing he felt. Something had shifted in him, and even though it was soppy and utterly moronic, he knew he was in love. He was falling and falling hard for Rick- he could only hope for the same. _

_ “Safe.” Rick decided. Vyvyan nodded. _

_ “Safe.” He repeated, then laughed. “You’re a big poof, pretty boy.” _

“I miss you!” Rick shouted, the power of his own voice startling him.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have driven me away!” Vyvyan shouted back. A wave crashed behind him, a column of water gushing him and Mike down the back. Vyvyan shivered and sniffled. “Why did you do it, Rick?!” Vyvyan took off his glasses, frustrated with them, put them in his pocket and glared at Rick, no barriers holding him away from seeing all the pain, hurt and betrayal in his eyes. Rick’s heart dropped, but he had to be brave. He had to speak. For Vyvyan. He balled his fists and swallowed his inevitable tears.

“I was hurt!”

“That's no bloody excuse!”

“You wanted to know why, Vyvyan!” Rick stepped closer to him before another wave ran up the side of the boat. “You said I was a spoiled child and that's not true!”

“It bloody is true!”

“It's not, Vyvyan! Because I  _ was _ a spoiled child with a silver spoon shoved up my arse, alright?! I know that's who I was, but I liked to believe that maybe you changed me!” Rick had gotten louder and louder when he spoke, meaning each word more and more. Vyvyan swallowed.

“What?” He asked, his voice softening, not enough for the others to notice, but enough for Rick to be aware of it. It was probably the last thing Vyvyan expected to come out of his mouth.

_ “Yeah.” Rick agreed. “But I’m your big poof.” He said, rolling on top of him and capturing his lips in a gentle, slow kiss. When they broke apart, Rick held Vyvyan’s face in both of his hands, gazing down at him with a sleepy smile. “I love that look.” _

_ “What look?” Vyvyan asked. _

_ “Everytime we kiss, you have this look on your face that’s just so content with the world. Like all is well. It’s nice. I like knowing you’re happy.” _

_ “‘Course I’m happy. You’re a bloody good kiss.” Rick giggled and kissed him again, laughing into his mouth like lovers do. _

_ “So are you.” _

“I wasn’t me until I met you!” Rick shouted. Gaining bravery, he stepped closer to Vyvyan, making sure he could hear him over the raging storm. “I was nothing before I met you and I ruined all of it and I’m sorry, Vyvyan! Every, every  _ fucking _ day, I’m sorry!”

“You should be!” Vyvyan screamed back. “I loved you!” He cried, his own tears slipping down his face. He trembled from more than just the cold, his feet slipping on the deck when he reached a leg out to lunge at Rick. Rick stepped away, his breath sticking in his throat.

“Really?” He asked, going quiet as he gripped his shirt in his hands. The boat suddenly rocked hard, tilting them at a steep angle. Vyvyan slammed against the railing, a scream exhaling from his lungs as his boots failed in their friction. Mike reached his hand out for him as a wave enveloped the entire deck in a gargantuan, flooding tide of water. Salt stung in Rick’s eyes as he felt it rush passed him in a violent spate, gripping onto Neil, who had slammed against the wall, holding onto a life ring for fear of being swept away without it. The boat rocked back to its upright position, water falling out over the sides. Rick coughed and sputtered, clearing water out of his lungs and looking around, disoriented as he let go of Neil.

Vyvyan was nowhere to be seen.

_ He looked away from Rick just to lean back and stare at the stars. Rick couldn’t take his eyes off Vyvyan- he always seemed so thoughtful. _

_ “What are you thinking about?” Rick asked. It was always hard to know with him. Vyvyan turned back to Rick and sighed, ruffling his hair.  _

_ “Something poofy.” Rick smiled and kissed his chin. _

_ “Be poofy for once, then.” Vyvyan rolled his eyes and tutted, staying silent for a few moments. _

_ “I just feel like I could do this for a long time.” _

“Vyvyan!” Rick shouted, still looking, even as a hard rock started to sink to his gut.

“The wave!” Mike yelled, nearly in hysterics. “He went under the railing!” Rick couldn’t think. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t process anything besides Vyvyan. He couldn’t even hear himself screaming or feel the tears running down his face.

“He can’t swim!” Rick shrieked. He ran to the railing, looking over the edge and trying to find anything- a shock of orange hair, the familiar red of his sweater, something that would stand out in the stormy sea, but that was all it was- a vast landscape of grey, blue, green and white tips. 

Rick couldn’t think.

So he jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 10 has foreshadowing for this (its how rick knows vyvyan cant swim). if you caught it good job! for everyone else hop aboard the bus cos we're taking a feels trip  
> im sorry


	15. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of symbolism in water

What Vyvyan has never, ever told anybody is how afraid he is of the ocean.

Don’t get him wrong- living out at sea is a dream. If he had taken his gap year on land, he’d probably be living back with his mother, and between that and being on a boat, he’d take the latter.

But he’s absolutely petrified of being in the ocean. Every game of chicken, he watches. On summer days that are just too damn hot, he waves and observes the crew swimming from the deck. They never stay swimming for long though- even in summer, it’s cold enough to make one shiver, and the dead of winter was no different. Just worse.

What nobody ever says about drowning is how deathly cold it is. It’s much easier to drown when the water is bitter-raw frozen, sending the body into a shock-paralysis-hell combination. Even if Vyvyan could swim, he couldn’t move, and he couldn’t stop himself from breathing in fast, hard, quick breaths. He was yelling at himself, stop, stop, stop fucking breathing, STOP, but being near death makes a body go into autopilot- whatever he told himself, he was working at the subconscious level and couldn’t help it.

Everything was a weight. His boots were flooding with freezing water, his sweater was heavy, his trousers pulled him down like everything else on him. Looking around was terrifying- the salt stung his eyes, but it was a complete abyss for as far as he could see, and that’s what scared him the most. The unknown- anything could be down there waiting to grab him and drag him deeper. Over the blood pounding in his ears, he could hear waves beating all around him and the boat creaking and rocking above him.

He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t live. He heard a loud splash after him before he passed out.

Well, this was sure an awful way to die.

* * *

 

Rick wasn’t thinking when he jumped in, and he didn’t get the chance to think about his decision as he plunged into the frigid Atlantic.

Somewhere far away, Mike was yelling at him and Neil stood frozen in terror as the ship population dropped by two.

“Fucking idiot!” Mike yelled, leaning over the railing as Rick was enveloped by the sea. Neil tossed the life ring he had been holding onto over the side of the boat, hearing its pathetic splash as it floated over turbulent waves and crests, held to the boat by a rope as they waited for anything.

As soon as Rick hit the water, he realized how bad of an idea this was. He was already frail and weak from being in his depression so long- like hell he’d be able to save Vyvyan. At this point, he probably wouldn’t be able to save himself either. He felt his body go stiff and rigid, unable to move, but god help him if he wouldn’t try. He quickly propelled himself to the air, sucking in a massive breath as he looked around him. Everywhere, waves crashed and churned. Rick didn’t exhale, but inhaled three more times and willed himself to go under the ocean. He opened his eyes, moving around as much as he could just to keep himself moving so he wouldn’t stop. Looking around, he realized how fruitless this would be. How the hell was he going to find Vyvyan? His eyes burned as he turned and looked for him. If it wasn’t stubborn, he didn’t know what. He had to go back up for air- he could hold his breath for a long time, but the cold made it harder to do so. He took three more deep breaths and dived back under, swimming and struggling to keep from freezing.

It was cold. Cold enough to feel like his entire body was burning, pinking from the rapid rush of blood struggling to keep warm. He looked around more in the water, until a slowly sinking object caught his eye; the darkest shadow in the cerulean sea. It could’ve been a big fish or something inanimate, but it could’ve been Vyvyan. He swam over, grabbing whatever he could on the body and starting to swim up. Rather- trying to. He had gotten so weak over the past few months that he barely had the strength to lift himself, nonetheless this thing that could be or couldn’t be Vyvyan. He felt himself losing air, but there was no chance he was surfacing without this thing. He felt around the body, feeling arms, maybe. He kicked around, possibly getting legs. At least it wasn’t a fish. He grabbed under its arms and tried to kick up, but frustratingly went nowhere. At this point, however, if he had Vyvyan, that was all. All he needed was Vyvyan alive. He wanted air, and energy to lift him, but it didn’t matter. Vyvyan mattered. Rick looked up at the waves, some sunlight filtering through- maybe the storm was letting up- but a shadow casted down on them in the shape of a ring. Rick felt himself weaken further from the cold and lack of oxygen and energy in his system, but he could do one last thing. He grabbed its hair in an adamantine death-grip and swam up, one arm propelling him and his legs kicking as much as he could, and at least that did something. The swim seemed to take longer and longer as he struggled to keep awake. Everything in his body was telling him to give up, to let himself pass out, but he had Vyvyan. He finally felt the life ring and, in a final push of effort, pulled him into it. Rick surfaced outside of the ring, taking a much needed breath of air, coughing and sputtering and looking over at the boy beside him. Deathly pale, his lips twinged in blue, his head slack against the life ring, but it was him. Rick gasped, blinking back more tears, but the storm was still going on around them. He slung Vyvyan’s arms over the ring and looked up.

“Lift him up!” He shouted weakly, his voice trembling as much as the rest of his body. “Lift him, hurry!” He screamed louder, needing them to hear him. Neil and Mike obliged, tugging on the rope as Vyvyan’s lifeless body was hoisted into the air. Rick watched blankly, terrified for him. He had no idea whether or not he’d live or die. A smaller, but nonetheless forceful wave crashed against Rick’s back, sending him out of his thoughts momentarily as he figured he should probably get back on the ship. He swam over to the ladder, slowly, shivering harder as the wind picked up and rain continued to beat down on him. He had grabbed onto the metal rungs as he saw Vyvyan’s body go over the side of the boat, pulled to safety by Neil and Mike. Rick practically sprinted up the ladder, exhausted, but adrenaline still pumping through him as he stumbled on deck, falling over and practically crawling to Vyvyan. He breathed hard, having exerted himself so much, but his work wasn’t done. He immediately started pumping his chest, practically throwing his entire body into getting the water out of Vyvyan’s lungs. Tears dripped down from Rick onto Vyvyan’s face as he grunted during his treatment, desperate to get him breathing again. Anything to see his chest rise and fall, and he’d bloody die trying if he had to. He held Vyvyan’s nose, tilted his chin and was about to put his mouth over his when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Rick!” Mike shouted over the rain. “Get inside! You won’t help anyone if you get hypothermia!” Rick shrugged Mike’s hand off of him anyway, bringing himself down to Vyvyan’s mouth and breathing into him, counting off how long he needed to do it in his head and thoroughly ignoring Mike. He pumped his chest again, taking his lips away from him and continuing to push. “Rick! Stop! Neil can do it!”

“He’s going to die, Mike! Shut up!” Rick yelled, glaring at Mike for less than a second before going back to reviving Vyvyan. He performed mouth-to-mouth once more, willing, praying for him to wake up. He seemed to be getting more and more pale by the second, slowly inching to death. Rick would never be able to live with himself if this didn’t work. He pumped Vyvyan’s chest a few more times, whispering under his breath for him to wake up, and suddenly, his eyes flew open. He gasped a breath in and immediately coughed hard, retching water from his lungs. He rolled to his side, expelling what seemed like cups upon cups of saltwater. He finally sat up, spitting one final time and taking in his surroundings. He breathed hard, panicstricken in all of his movements and actions. His eyes darted around the boat, as if a child waking from a nightmare. He shivered and trembled and looked over to Rick, nearly in the same position he was. His eyes welled with tears as he held himself in his arms, staring at him with glassy, horrified eyes, as blue as the ocean that nearly killed him.

“I’m cold.” He uttered in a cracking voice, choking up as tears fell down his face. Rick nodded and sniffled, wiping his nose and swallowing his own tears, determined to stay strong for Vyvyan.

“Me too.” Rick responded breathlessly. “Me too.” Exhaustion was catching up with him, and picking up fast. He had been running empty on energy for months, and to exert himself so much in one day, with nothing but cigarettes fueling him- he turned up to Mike. “Get him inside. Make him some tea.” He said so soft it was nearly inaudible before collapsing on the deck, his last coherent thought a happy one- Vyvyan was safe. Vyvyan was alive.

* * *

 

When Rick did wake up, his first thought was of how much he wanted to go back to sleep. He opened his eyes, groggy, and shivered, despite being under something warm. He didn't want to process all of this now- he closed his eyes and sighed, moving his head to the side to let himself drift back to unconsciousness.

“Don't you dare fall asleep.” Said a familiar, yet foreign in its caring, voice. “Eat.” Rick squeezed his eyes shut tighter before groaning and opening them, turning to the voice. It took a while to adjust to the sight, but when he did, he couldn't stop the tired, weak smile across his face.

“Hi.” Rick said gently, his voice cracking slightly. He blinked slowly and looked around the room. He was lying supine, under his own duvet, but not on the floor in Neil’s bedroom. He was back in his bottom bunk, in him and Vyvyan’s bedroom. Was it their bedroom again? Was he just put there for convenience? He looked over to Vyvyan, holding a bowl, his comforter over his head and wrapped around himself, probably still trying to warm up. He didn’t know how long it had been since he revived Vyvyan, but the chill still residing in his body continued to course through him, despite being under the covers and wearing something warm. He hadn’t taken the time to lift the blanket and see. “H-How long-?”

“Few hours.” Vyvyan paused a moment to think. “You should pass out more.” Vyvyan said, giving Rick a half-hearted smile.

“What?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“You made Neil make something other than lentils.” He explained, scooting his chair closer to Rick. “Well, not much better. It’s oatmeal, but you need to eat. Can you sit up?” Rick couldn’t help smiling, still in a sleepy haze.

“I wouldn’t have guessed you to have a bedside manner.” He teased, starting to hoist himself up.

“Piss off. And move slower, or you’ll collapse again.” Vyvyan said, turning his face away from Rick and shoving the bowl in his direction. “I’m not feeding you or nothing. You can do that.”

“There he is.” Rick smirked, bringing the pillows up behind his back. “God, it’s cold.” He said, shivering a little and taking the bowl. It was lukewarm, at this point, but compared to his freezing hands, it was heavenly to hold.

“I know. Is the sweater helping?”

“The-?” Rick looked down at himself for the first time, seeing Vyvyan’s sweater that he had grown so accustomed to when they were together. He swallowed, setting the bowl down in his lap and feeling his arms. It had been so long- it had been washed, but it still smelled like sea salt and something so distinctly Vyvyan it made Rick’s head swim. He held himself, looking down at the familiar patterns of the aran material. It threw him back to days they’d spend holding each other, feeling that damn sweater all over him. He trembled, feeling tears well up in his eyes. This really fucking hurt. The object of his infatuation, right here with him- he’d even give him the jumper, and Rick couldn’t even reach out to touch him and hold him like he desperately wanted to. He couldn’t do that anymore, not after what he did to Vyvyan. He sniffled and exhaled a small gasp, willing himself not to cry but trying in vain.

Vyvyan tensed up- he just gave Rick the sweater because it was warm. Neil had thrown it and the rest of his clothes in the laundry. And Vyvyan had to get Rick out of his clothes; even passed out, he was shivering. But like hell he was letting Rick go naked in such a state. So he had to be tender with him, and dry him off, get him in warm clothes, tuck him in, and wait incase the bastard went unconscious again. Bloody idiot- Mike and Neil had told Vyvyan what happened, how Rick dived in after him, performed CPR, and, as much as Vyvyan hated to admit it, saved him from inevitable death. Vyvyan would’ve died if Rick hadn’t come in and rescued him. Furthermore, they explained how weak and frail he’d gotten since they had broken up, but he didn’t need the two to tell him that- he could see it easily. He was stupid and stubborn and horrendously, dangerously solicitous, and goddamnit, Vyvyan loved him for it. He still had feelings for him. All the drinking in the world wouldn’t be able to get rid of it and he was just beginning to realize it- as he looked stiffly at the weeping boy, crying into the sleeves of his sweater, he saw it all too clearly; he was never going to stop loving him. He took the bowl off of Rick’s lap, incase it spilled on his duvet, and took him in his arms, embracing him, almost violently, but it was needed. He cupped the base of Rick’s head, running his fingers through the back of his hair. The feelings were eerily similar to the first time Vyvyan saw Rick cry- it felt so long ago, now, back in the summer when all they did was fight each other. Back when things seemed more carefree, but the feelings made it more intense than either boy could’ve known.

“It’s okay.” Vyvyan whispered, just a ghost of breath in Rick’s ear. Rick nuzzled his face into the crook of Vyvyan’s neck, wrapping his arms around him, gripping onto his thin tshirt as if he’d float away without Vyvyan to ground him. His shaky, hitching breaths reverberated onto Vyvyan’s chilled body, warming up that patch of skin. Hell, just holding Rick was warming him up more than he would have guessed. He was still cold from the plunge they took, and probably would be for a while, but no number of blankets could beat the heat of another person, and there was no way he’d embrace anyone else on the boat like he would Rick.

“Y-You can let go, Vyv.” Rick finally said, calming down some. He really didn’t want to let go of him, but if Vyvyan felt awkward doing it, he didn’t want to push him.

“Oh, r-right.” He responded, letting go, reeling back a little. He sat on the foot of Rick’s bed, watching Rick sigh a little, maybe in regret. He took the bowl back and took a tentative spoonful. It looked like it hurt to eat, but Vyvyan watched attentatively, wanting Rick to. He hadn’t gotten much of anything in his body besides weed and tobacco- that was what Neil had told him.

“Sorry to get upset.” Rick said, sighing and looking down at the bowl. He stared, as if trying to gather his thoughts word by word. “I… I suppose I’d forgotten how much I missed this jumper.” He said after his long pause. He rubbed the bowl with a finger, biting his lip and avoiding Vyvyan’s eyes. “A-And, the whole… Nearly losing you… Bit.” He continued, swallowing and letting the silence linger awkwardly in the air. Vyvyan huddled in tighter into his duvet, missing Rick’s warmth.

“Thanks, for doin’ that.” Vyvyan said, staring at the floor. There was more silence until Rick put his bowl on the floor, not exactly with an appetite at the moment.

“Vyvyan?” Rick said, looking up.

“Yeah?” Vyvyan responded, meeting Rick’s eyes, his chest tightening at the sudden connection.

“What did you mean by ‘again’?” He bit his lip and quickly severed eye contact. “I just… After I… After I hit you-” The words still felt like sin on his tongue- there was no way he was ever forgiving himself for that, but he did need to ask Vyvyan. “-...You said ‘I refuse to be treated like this again’, and-”

“You remember that?” Rick couldn’t help but give him a mirthless laugh.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about it since it happened.” He sighed, playing with the hem of Vyvyan’s sweater. It took a while before Vyvyan spoke up.

“W-What I meant, by ‘again’... I… I had a boyfriend in college, and… I mean… He did a lot worse than you, but…” He lost his thoughts again, having to gather them each time he opened his mouth. It was hard, opening up about this. Sure, he’d mentioned his ex boyfriend, but he had never, ever told Rick or anyone about what he did to him.

_He was eighteen and remembers it as one of the most turbulent times in his love life, if he could even call it love. Vyvyan was more or less Jonathan's toy, adding whatever prefix he could onto that word. Fuck-toy, hit-toy, stress-toy- and Vyvyan there to take all of it, no matter what. It's what he assumed love was; his mother certainly never gave him that, and before Jonathan, Vyvyan didn't take the time for a real relationship. Besides, nearly every girl at school was pining for him, and with reason- he was a handsome kid, football star, taller, a mess of black hair on his head and piercing green eyes that used to make Vyvyan’s knees weak. People would wonder why he would hang out with the late-blooming medical student, tall and scrawny and quiet, quite the opposite of Jonathan._

_He wasn't all bad, and that was probably the worst part. No, there were times when he was everything Vyvyan could've wanted in a boyfriend. It was when he might hold his hand in the throws of their lovemaking, make him breakfast in the morning, tell him how happy Vyvyan made him. But those times were few and far between, yet Vyvyan held out for them anyway. He let Jonathan take anything and everything he wanted, even if Vyvyan didn't want him to- his vision of love was so distorted, he didn’t know what was and wasn’t. Being young, vulnerable, and fresh out of secondary school didn’t help either._

_Jonathan had only kissed him exactly five times throughout their seven month odyssey- Vyvyan had kept very careful count. Those were the best days- warmth bloomed in his stomach and for weeks he would live off of the fantasy that no matter how many times he hit him, hurt him, yelled at him, maybe, maybe there was someone he could help underneath that hard exterior. If only Vyvyan could dig a little deeper and get himself inside to the real Jonathan. Though a valiant effort, his attempts only got him hit more. He had lost count of the amount of times he had matching bruises with Jonathan’s knuckles or the number of ways he told Vyvyan sweet nothings only to spin it on its head and deny it._

_Vyvyan hadn’t learned how to fight back until that June. It was the day Jonathan had pushed him too goddamned far and the once socially acceptable and quiet premed student snapped. His blood was smeared across his boyfriend’s fists as he curled himself into a corner of their bedroom, holding his hands out to defend himself. This was a normal occurrence in Vyvyan’s dorm room- that was where they had their rendezvous. Jonathan stood over him, yelling at him for the damnedest reason; Vyvyan couldn’t remember what it was anymore, but he does remember thinking that this was it. He had been pushed, and pushed, then pulled back and pushed again and he couldn’t take it anymore. Vyvyan could never quite remember the details, or how exactly he switched places with Jonathan, or how he got the hulking, massive man slammed into the corner as Vyvyan kicked him in the gut, making him spit blood and begging him to stop until he went unconscious. But he knew that was that. The end of being with Jonathan, the beginning of Vyvyan._

_After that, he couldn’t get enough fighting. It was cathartic. He went around to pubs more just looking for some violent drunkard who’d hit first so he’d have reason to hit back. It wasn’t the same as Jonathan because it was mutual- both Vyvyan and the other party agreed to fight. He got strong, toning his body through those violent nights, and staying clear of any sort of relationship in fear of Jonathan happening all over again._

_Maybe that was why he was so attracted to Rick. He reminded him of himself when he was eighteen and was determined not to let the same fate he had happen to the younger. He wouldn’t have guessed Rick to be the one to hurt him next, but anything so good will always end abruptly- that was Vyvyan’s experience._

Rick felt shame grow in his heart as Vyvyan spoke, not only for hitting him after his abuse, but because he felt sorry for him- Vyvyan hated pity, and Rick knew he'd be unhappy if he knew how Rick felt about it. But looking into Vyvyan's eyes told a completely different story. Vyvyan might not have been a very open person, with his rather emotionless retelling of his past, his eyes told everything. The hurt, the pain, guilt, the love he once held for his abusive ex. Vyvyan swallowed, nervously fiddling at his track pants, and Rick realized he had stopped talking, probably a long time ago, and was most likely waiting for Rick to say something. But what could he say? He bit his lip and continued to stare into his penetrating eyes, feeling his heart skip a beat. Fuck. Vyvyan sighed, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You wanted to know.” He said, glaring at the floor. Rick opened his mouth but had to take a few moments before he could speak.

“I… Yeah.” Vyvyan turned his glare up at him. “I-I mean, not ‘yeah’, but, I… I don’t know what I should say.” He took a shaky breath, on the brink of tears, but not exactly eager to cry again. “That’s just, really awful, Vyv.”

“Don’t cry.” He said, sternly, but feeling his own eyes start to water. He wasn’t sure if he was telling Rick not to or himself. He threw his legs over the side of the bed, his right side facing Rick as he gripped onto the mattress. He hadn’t thought about Jonathan in a long time- just the memory was overwhelming. “Don’t cry, Rick, alright? Cos it’s in the past, and it doesn’t matter, a-and if you start crying, I-I’m gonna, and I don’t w-want to. So don’t.” He said, blinking as a tear nonetheless slipped down his cheek. Rick tutted, getting out of the covers and shivering a little, but crawling over to Vyvyan. He didn’t know what to do, but tentatively reached a hand out to cup Vyvyan’s face. At the first touch of careful fingers, he turned to look at Rick, knowing full well how weak he looked compared to Rick. Rick kept strong, and held back his emotions for Vyvyan. Vyvyan could tell, but he admired him for it anyway. He was tempted to pull away from the warm, welcoming hand of Rick, but he was more tempted to lean further into it, to hold Rick again and let himself forget everything that happened. Rick brought his other hand to his face and wiped tears off of Vyvyan’s cheeks, both of them silent, as if waiting for something to break the almost palpable tension.

“I won’t cry.” Rick said, barely shaking his head. They kept still for a long time, until Rick let out a weak sigh and swallowed his pride. “Vyvyan, I… I hate this.”

“This?” Vyvyan asked, trying to not get so choked up.

“This.” Rick repeated. “W-We had something, a-and I think it was very special.” He had to pause- he promised Vyvyan he wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t. “T-The kind of thing t-that you only get once in a lifetime, yeah?” He held Vyvyan’s face a little tighter, almost urgently. “I-I lost you, and it was my fault, a-and I’m so sorry. A-And I thought I couldn’t live without you, b-but when you went overboard…” He inhaled quickly, looking down and bringing his hands down to Vyvyan’s shoulders. He exhaled slowly, then looked back up to Vyvyan’s eyes. “W-When you went overboard, t-that’s when I knew. I _knew_ I couldn’t live w-without you.” Vyvyan nodded, deep in thought. Rick bit his lip and sighed. “I-Is there a chance, w-we could start over?” He asked, trying to meet his eyes as Vyvyan kept his firmly planted on the ground.

“No.” He said, the word bitter and cold on his tongue. He heard Rick’s short, sharp gasp and closed his eyes, clenching his teeth. “I-I can’t just start over a-and pretend that n-nothing happened, Rick.” Rick took his hands off of Vyvyan, sliding them off him limply, feeling like his heart was crumbling to dust. But could he blame Vyvyan? He nodded.

“Alright.” He said lamely.

“I-I wasn’t done, Rick.” Vyvyan piped up, finally looking back into Rick’s eyes. “I… I am willing to try again, though.” He said, gathering some form of courage he thought he’d lost. Rick felt his heart stop as something clicked in his head.

“Are you r-really?” Vyvyan nodded.

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to forget what happened, alright? Cos, cos if it happens again, that’s it. I swear to god-” Rick nodded, a look of absolute relief across his face.

“It won’t happen again, Vyv. I swear, I swear it won’t.” He said quickly, nodding at each of Vyvyan’s words.

“Well, we’ll see. But I’m trusting you. Don’t lose my trust.” He warned, meaning every word as he stared deep into Rick’s eyes. He swallowed, then turned and grabbed Rick into a tight embrace as he felt Rick wrap his arms back around him tight, putting his head back into the crook of Vyvyan’s neck.

“I missed you.” Rick said softly, breathing Vyvyan in fully for the first time in months. Vyvyan closed his eyes and relaxed into Rick’s touch- however cold they were was replaced by the warmth of the other. Not even the chill of the freezing December ocean could stop the heated elation between them.

“I missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! making a chapter summary for this was hard bc this chapter was all spoilers how could i summarize???? yeah
> 
> theyre back !!! will it get better?? will it get worse?? how did rick know how to do CPR??? all this and more in the next exciting chapter !!!!!!!
> 
> thank you all for reading, kudoing, and commenting, every bit means so so much to me ! <3

**Author's Note:**

> chapter 1!!!!!!!  
> thanks everybody for reading, commenting and kudo'ing!! every bit means a lot <3 <3
> 
> also, cos i think this might be a question, if yall remember the party episode (i think it's Interesting), mike's clothes are the ones he was wearing for the party.
> 
> i know that this chapter wasnt very explicit at all- that'll come later ~


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